5th of November

[quietwater]

I'm planning to CTB on November 5, this is my deadline.
My father sold the apartment I lived in with my mother and we're going to move in with her boyfriend November 2, but I'll be away with my friends and boyfriend, and I'll come back November 4. I am so tired of living with her and living in my abusive household, I can't do this anymore. I am tired of surviving idling in life, I want to live, REALLY live, or die now, but there's no hope for me and dying is my best option.
I wish I could say it wasn't.
I'll try to change my life in the days I have left, but if I can't I'll kill myself on November 5.
My preferred method would be dying in the sea, but I don't really know how to make sure I don't fail, so I chose jumping as my method. Where I live there's a high skyscraper, and I'll try to see if I can access it and jump from there. I've already checked how it's tall and everything. If I can't I'll find something else, I'm not picky on the method, everything accessible is good. I'll probably choose the train method, but I'll have to check my train station to see where to jump.
I'm writing this post as a reminder for myself, and a source of comfort. Sorry to bother, I apologize if you've read everything till here.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find relief from suffering in what you decide.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

CTB is the absolute last resource for me, if I can't go on, but I'm fighting on until that day. You got a boyfriend, how will he feel if you ctb?

 

[quietwater]

I hope you find relief from suffering in what you decide.

Thank you <3

CTB is the absolute last resource for me, if I can't go on, but I'm fighting on until that day. You got a boyfriend, how will he feel if you ctb?

I'm glad you're thinking that way, I hope you can feel better and live on happily. <33
My boyfriend is the only thing I love here and the only thing keeping me alive, honestly, the only reason I haven't already killed myself is him, but I know I am hurting him being so depressed and sad. He wants to help me but I can't be helped nor saved, I don't want him to carry this burden for me. He would be sad, but he would understand — he's also a member here.