30 year old man child, better off dead

[nextstepdeath]

I could have been a real man, developed a real life. Instead I never developed properly with people and well, here I am. A retard who lives in fear of his own shadow, too anxious to leave the house, a cripple. I sometimes wonder, why didn't I follow the herd? Just do what my instincts told me to? Knowing when you have to push back or be knocked out the way, knowing that saying certain things will only screw up things and not saying them over just saying it because you're sexually frustrated or you're awkward or whatever. I don't know. I totally unravelled in life as a full on retard and I was in a position to achieve a lot and now I fucking can't. Suicide here we come.

 

[Roseate]

But what about you is not like the herd? What is your definition of a real man anyways? And what have you not achieved?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I could have been a real man, developed a real life. Instead I never developed properly with people and well, here I am. A retard who lives in fear of his own shadow, too anxious to leave the house, a cripple. I sometimes wonder, why didn't I follow the herd? Just do what my instincts told me to? Knowing when you have to push back or be knocked out the way, knowing that saying certain things will only screw up things and not saying them over just saying it because you're sexually frustrated or you're awkward or whatever. I don't know. I totally unravelled in life as a full on retard and I was in a position to achieve a lot and now I fucking can't. Suicide here we come.

You took the words right out of my own mind.

 

[nextstepdeath]

But what about you is not like the herd? What is your definition of a real man anyways? And what have you not achieved?

A real man, a man who is able to mix with both genders normally and with flexibility. I'm not hung up on the culture wars trap, just have a sense of how to talk to people and you should be fine. I don't like being told how to communicate or that doing certain mannerisms is a clear indication of autism, fuck off with that diagnosis. I screwed up my relationships in life and I'm too far gone, I never achieved anything out of fucking up my relationships and my sex life and I'm too far gone because of it, I stuck my neck out and I'm never coming back from the dead

 

[Roseate]

A real man, a man who is able to mix with both genders normally and with flexibility. I'm not hung up on the culture wars trap, just have a sense of how to talk to people and you should be fine. I don't like being told how to communicate or that doing certain mannerisms is a clear indication of autism, fuck off with that diagnosis. I screwed up my relationships in life and I'm too far gone, I never achieved anything out of fucking up my relationships and my sex life and I'm too far gone because of it, I stuck my neck out and I'm never coming back from the dead

But what's wrong with it being autism? If it's autism then that would mean you can still work on it and go on to have the life you want? And even if it isn't, there are therapy for that. Most people are awkward. I guess i'm just confused on how you're too far gone? There are people who starts again at 40 and by 50, they're able to live a somewhat normal life. So why are you writing yourself away so quickly? And how exactly did you fuck up your relationships? Also, a real men is more than what you think. Most men don't fit that criteria. There isn't many men out there that most people would consider real men.

 

[nextstepdeath]

But what's wrong with it being autism? If it's autism then that would mean you can still work on it and go on to have the life you want? And even if it isn't, there are therapy for that. Most people are awkward. I guess i'm just confused on how you're too far gone? There are people who starts again at 40 and by 50, they're able to live a somewhat normal life. So why are you writing yourself away so quickly? And how exactly did you fuck up your relationships? Also, a real men is more than what you think. Most men don't fit that criteria. There isn't many men out there that most people would consider real men.

I'm too far gone because I know I have lost everything, I have lost everything I had going for me and I know life will never amount to something worth living for. I find people trying to convince me otherwise tiresome, I find people trying to encourage me to keep trying negative, when you know you are too fucked up and life is completely wrecked, the narrative of 'people change into something else at later ages and that's fine' so fucking tedious, if that works from them then great. It can't work for me because I know I what I have lost. I know what is gone. I know that I have lost my life. There is no growth or rebirth or new beginning, there is only endless suffering and the will to die through anything potential, do you really believe that is worth living for? Give me euthanasia over that kind of lie any day
I also hate the trend that implies slight nuances of human expression to be cast iron diagnosis of autism, so tedious misinformative robotic (ironically probably a sign of autism from the diagnoser) and potentially dangerous, the wrong diagnosis can do a lot of damage

 

[Roseate]

I'm too far gone because I know I have lost everything, I have lost everything I had going for me and I know life will never amount to something worth living for. I find people trying to convince me otherwise tiresome, I find people trying to encourage me to keep trying negative, when you know you are too fucked up and life is completely wrecked, the narrative of 'people change into something else at later ages and that's fine' so fucking tedious, if that works from them then great. It can't work for me because I know I what I have lost. I know what is gone. I know that I have lost my life. There is no growth or rebirth or new beginning, there is only endless suffering and the will to die through anything potential, do you really believe that is worth living for? Give me euthanasia over that kind of lie any day
I also hate the trend that implies slight nuances of human expression to be cast iron diagnosis of autism tedious misinformative robotic (ironically probably a sign of autism from the diagnoser) and potentially dangerous, the wrong diagnosis can do a lot of damage

I wasn't trying to change your mind, I was more so trying to understand where you are coming from. You're being very vague. And maybe it's naive of me, but I do believe some life is worth living. And it seems to me like you have more one sign of it, that should tell you something. And maybe, but you don't have to take prescribed medication, and how else can it be dangerous? If I allowed my fears to get to me, I would've never gotten to understand my behaviors and how it stems from my mental issues. Behaviors I thought were normal were just signs of anxiety that I never would've been able to put together had I allowed my fears to get to me. And it didn't hurt me. I didn't have to take pills for it, it was my choice. You can try to understand without taking meds.

 

[nextstepdeath]

I wasn't trying to change your mind, I was more so trying to understand where you are coming from. You're being very vague. And maybe it's naive of me, but I do believe some life is worth living. And it seems to me like you have more one sign of it, that should tell you something. And maybe, but you don't have to take prescribed medication, and how else can it be dangerous? If I allowed my fears to get to me, I would've never gotten to understand my behaviors and how it stems from my mental issues. Behaviors I thought were normal were just signs of anxiety that I never would've been able to put together had I allowed my fears to get to me. And it didn't hurt me. I didn't have to take pills for it, it was my choice. You can try to understand without taking meds.

I'm all for understanding behaviours and patterns, I just don't like the trend that certain behaviours = autism by default. The only true autistic traits I agree with is an intense interest in something or strong sensitivity to light and sound, trying to diagnose things like lack of eye contact or being awkward as autism is very very very tedious and counterproductive. I had a life. Some very heavy things happened and messed me up, for good. I'm not coming back.

 

[Roseate]

I'm all for understanding behaviours and patterns, I just don't like the trend that certain behaviours = autism by default. The only true autistic traits I agree with is an intense interest in something or strong sensitivity to light and sound, trying to diagnose things like lack of eye contact or being awkward as autism very very very tedious and counterproductive. I had a life. Some very heavy things happened and messed me up, for good. I'm not coming back.

But certain behaviors are connected to it. You weren't always like that? What were you like before, if you don't mind?

 

[nextstepdeath]

But certain behaviors are connected to it. You weren't always like that? What were you like before, if you don't mind?

I'm clinically depressed. Never totally been the most confident guy but one thing they will say is a sign of autism is the notion of black and white or rigid fixed thinking. When you are depressed, when you have suffered infinitely beyond comprehension on the back of life experience there are certain ways you will see the world, if it seems rigid or fixed then fair enough but that doesn't make it autistic

 

[Roseate]

I'm clinically depressed. Never totally been the most confident guy but one thing they will say is a sign of autism is the notion of black and white or rigid fixed thinking. When you are depressed, when you have suffered infinitely beyond comprehension on the back of life experience there are certain ways you will see the world, if it seems rigid or fixed then fair enough but that doesn't make it autistic

Okay, like what? What specifically can you say is depression and not the autism?

 

[nextstepdeath]

Okay, like what? What specifically can you say is depression and not the autism?

Say I have a certain view of something that is based on my life experience. Say it is black or white. Say it means something that.to me feels matter of fact. All of these things together shouldn't add up together and = autism by default. People can be quite set in their state of mind, sometimes that is depression, sometimes that can behave as autism, sometimes it is just someone's perspective, it shouldn't by default equate to autism but for whatever reason it does, sure as hell beats as to why that is the case but we live in a diagnosis happy time it seems, I don't really rate the trend myself

 

[Roseate]

Say I have a certain view of something that is based on my life experience. Say it is black or white. Say it means something that.to me feels matter of fact. All of these things together shouldn't add up together and = autism by default. People can be quite set in their state of mind, sometimes that is depression, sometimes that can behave as autism, sometimes it is just someone's perspective, it shouldn't by default equate to autism but for whatever reason it does, sure as he'll beats as to why that is the case but we live in a diagnosis happy time it seems, I don't really rate the trend myself

But is it really depression? I think the extent of it might determine that if it's considered a symptom of depression. I do get where you're coming from. Being depressed warps your views of the world and it's just so complicated and messy and it would be so much easier if it were black and white. If everything was just fair. I don't think we live in a diagnosis happy time because even tho I had shown a signs of having more than depression, it took me so many years for them to make any diagnosis outside of depression official. I also feel like most people are getting diagnosed now, it took them years to get those diagnosis. And you can always ask them to not put it on your medical form and get a second opinion.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Same. 32 and I wish I could have had a real life on par with that of my peers. I wish to relate to people more than anything but I just can't and don't.