Method 2500mg of atarax

[hopelessgirl]

so.. just got 2500mg of atarax. From what I've read, it could fail hard. With just days in hospital. I also have 75mg of zopiclone. So what are your thoughts? I'm just thinking about taking 5 sleeping pills and then put a bag over my head. I've practiced several times this week (just with the bag) and I almost black out after like 15 breaths. And seriously, I think it could work. Actually scares me a bit. I also think the asphyxiation feeling is quite pleasant (yeah I'm sick I really want to die).

I would love for the atarax to work... But not sure. I've read the forum and people tend to say it's a no no. Btw, I weigh 58 kg. So maybe it could be enough? I ordered SN but it won't be here before middle of November at best. Don't know if I can wait that long.

Thinking of going with the sleeping pills + bag on Monday, because I am SURE to suffocate from this.

And yeah, I've tried partial hanging several times, but I can't find my sweet spot or ever get that feeling I get of blacking out that I get with a simple plastic bag.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I wouldn't bother tbh.

 

[hopelessgirl]

I wouldn't bother tbh.

Yeah I figured :( thanks though

 

[fox_wannabe]

Yeah I figured :( thanks though

Sorry, It is just that It does not look deadly, Overdoses are terrible and you would likely end up in hospital.
They are good for suicide gestures but I do not recommend doing it for attention or at all.

 

[hopelessgirl]

Sorry, It is just that It does not look deadly, Overdoses are terrible and you would likely end up in hospital.
They are good for suicide gestures but I do not recommend doing it for attention or at all.

Yeah I'm not looking for a gesture unfortunately :-(

 

[fox_wannabe]

Yeah I'm not looking for a gesture unfortunately :-(

I understand. Any chance things will change for you?

 

[hopelessgirl]

I understand. Any chance things will change for you?

No... I've been in and out of the hospital... and there's just not anything they can do for me. Because I have no interest in life, no friends, no family, and this huge fragility and nihilistic view of life. So they basically can't help me. I just want to be dead :) which Im fine with. My favourite activity is sleeping and being in a dark room staring at the ceiling. So basically I just want darkness.

How about you? Got any hope for surviving this life till old age?

 

[fox_wannabe]

How about you? Got any hope for surviving this life till old age?

Noooo!! It would be terrible.

Life is boring and has no purpose, only purpose is to work, work, strife, achieve and all that bullshit. I have no interest in that.
I always ask If person is sure, being myself almost entirely sure I want to be done with this life. I understand nihilism but I do not support It. It is not that I like life or see meaning in it. I see life as negative thing. I know It is not natural for me, just perpetual motion machine, always have to do stuff, never satisfied.

Besides world is getting so bad, it is turning into dystopian hell.
I am not nihilist I am gnostic, I can explain if you want.

 

[hopelessgirl]

Noooo!! It would be terrible.

Life is boring and has no purpose, only purpose is to work, work, strife, achieve and all that bullshit. I have no interest in that.
I always ask If person is sure, being myself almost entirely sure I want to be done with this life. I understand nihilism but I do not support It. It is not that I like life or see meaning in it. I see life as negative thing. I know It is not natural for me, just perpetual motion machine, always have to do stuff, never satisfied.I

Besides world is getting so bad, it is turning into dystopian hell.
I am not nihilist I am gnostic, I can explain if you want.

I actually a 100% agree with you. So maybe I'm a gnostic as well? I just call myself a nihilist in front of my psychiatrist other people so that they will understand that I'm not JUST depressed and suicidal, I actually do not LIKE being a part of this society, and I wish I was never born, and would never ever put another human being into this world.

If you could explain more about it that would be great.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I wish I was never born, and would never ever put another human being into this world.

Based and antinatalismpilled

Well I have crazy belief system based on Near Death experiences and pre birth recollections. So it goes like this: When you die you are not being let go free but you are lured into reincarnating by white light (white light = soul trap). This world is a matrix like thing and It is created to feed of suffering. I have few sources like this
pdf: https://www.udrop.com/60wG/Moksha_F...raps,_Soul_Traps,_And_False_Light_Heavens.pdf
forever conscious research channel on youtube and nderf.org which is website with people that clinically died and remember leaving their body and bunch of things happened to them.

This is pretty far out there but there are already proofs of reincarnation, like kids remembering past lives, all eastern religions. There are quite a lot of kids who remembered their past lives. The biggest problem with materialistic worldview is that it does not take into account that we have subjective experience, and ignores everything which is immaterial, like memories and experiences. But what is science but not analysis of our experiences? This made me question the consensus that we cease to exist and explained why people see Jesus or Buddha after death. It is a part of trap, because if you can think and perceive without human body (consciousness is not lost in moment of death, it just leaves the brain as it cannot dwell in dead body) than you would never want to be reborn here.

Please be careful when entering into this rabbit hole. It is depressing. But It leaves you with possibility of good ending. We do not know what it is like to be there becasue we cannot comprehend it.

 

[hopelessgirl]

Based and antinatalismpilled

Well I have crazy belief system based on Near Death experiences and pre birth recollections. So it goes like this: When you die you are not being let go free but you are lured into reincarnating by white light (white light = soul trap). This world is a matrix like thing and It is created to feed of suffering. I have few sources like this
pdf: https://www.udrop.com/60wG/Moksha_F...raps,_Soul_Traps,_And_False_Light_Heavens.pdf
forever conscious research channel on youtube and nderf.org which is website with people that clinically died and remember leaving their body and bunch of things happened to them.

This is pretty far out there but there are already proofs of reincarnation, like kids remembering past lives, all eastern religions. There are quite a lot of kids who remembered their past lives. The biggest problem with materialistic worldview is that it does not take into account that we have subjective experience, and ignores everything which is immaterial, like memories and experiences. But what is science but not analysis of our experiences? This made me question the consensus that we cease to exist and explained why people see Jesus or Buddha after death. It is a part of trap, because if you can think and perceive without human body (consciousness is not lost in moment of death, it just leaves the brain as it cannot dwell in dead body) than you would never want to be reborn here.

Please be careful when entering into this rabbit hole. It is depressing. But It leaves you with possibility of good ending. We do not know what it is like to be there becasue we cannot comprehend it.

Don't worry, I've heard about this, going down this rabbit hole a bit. Sorry a bit drunk so can't really answer right now :-P But I will def look into the links tomorrow! Or later. Thank you! It can't get any worse anyways. I have a friend who told me it won't help committing suicide because Ill have to re-live the same lessons in my next life. He's an astral therapist.

Actually all this just comforts me. Makes me feel like a part of a bigger whole. And that life isn't that mundane as I imagine it to be. So I hope all of this is true.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Don't worry, I've heard about this, going down this rabbit hole a bit. Sorry a bit drunk so can't really answer right now :-P But I will def look into the links tomorrow! Or later. Thank you! It can't get any worse anyways. I have a friend who told me it won't help committing suicide because Ill have to re-live the same lessons in my next life. He's an astral therapist.

Actually all this just comforts me. Makes me feel like a part of a bigger whole. And that life isn't that mundane as I imagine it to be. So I hope all of this is true.

I mean does your friend's opinion help you? Or the thing I wrote to you?

 

[hopelessgirl]

I mean does your friend's opinion help you? Or the thing I wrote to you?

I don't have any "friends". I have one friend. And he is basically my caretaker these days. And no I don't care about his opinion being that "life is worth it or whatever".. to me he's an alien, and to him I'm an alien. We basically don't understand each other, but we see how the other one is living (me seeing him living as a perfectly normal person, him seeing me living like a black hole).

 

[fox_wannabe]

I don't have any "friends". I have one friend. And he is basically my caretaker these days. And no I don't care about his opinion being that "life is worth it or whatever".. to me he's an alien, and to him I'm an alien. We basically don't understand each other, but we see how the other one is living (me seeing him living as a perfectly normal person, him seeing me living like a black hole).

We are all alien. Just thrown into this incredibly complex and convoluted world. It is unfair that we were free from this once and now we are bound. It is not that I am in pain is just that I want to be free from consequences, from linear time and from the future.