Venting 24 hours until charcoal

[yeahokbuddyboy]

About a week ago I decided that tomorrow night, Monday November 20th, would be the night.

I'm going to skip my classes to get the rest of my stuff in order, finish letters to loved ones, etc. Even if I don't go through with it tomorrow night I will at the very least be prepped to go any day in the next couple of weeks. At 9-10pm I'm going to get in my crappy little Civic and drive out somewhere far away from my university and park.

I have two Weber Smokey Joe-style grills and 8lbs of charcoal. I'm going to get the chimneys started and sit in my car, probably crying like a baby until they're ready to go in. I'm gonna take Ibuprofen, Acetaminophen and Diphenhydramine to help a bit with headache/nausea and make me sleepier than I already am. I wish I had access to something stronger, but here we are. Hoping it's chilly out so I can shut the car off and get heat from the charcoal. I'll probably set one grill in the backseat and one in the passenger seat, and just lean back and listen to music.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wish you all the best with your plan. I hope you find peace! Safe travels and good luck!

Are you planning to update your thread during the day?

 

[Meditation guide]

Please be careful with those grills that they are insulated somehow from the dash and the floor of the car.

 

[tiger b]

Best wishes for you

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans, I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

I wish you all the best with your plan. I hope you find peace! Safe travels and good luck!

Are you planning to update your thread during the day?

I will not be on at the time I attempt it. This forum is helpful but not how I want to spend too much of my last day, if this ends up being it. I will say I'm feeling off and not 100% today is still the best option.

I may try to tough it out through Thanksgiving for my family and girlfriend.

That being said I will definitely still go out tonight to find my location and just test getting the charcoal burning without putting it my car, as I've never used it before.

Please be careful with those grills that they are insulated somehow from the dash and the floor of the car.

I will do, thank you. They have foldable legs that put them a good 6+ inches off of the surface and I'm thinking I'll put them in cake pans with a bit of water just in case; not sure if that's overkill. I do not want to burn up and plus I already feel bad about leaving my family a damaged car from this.

I'm still a little scared about the concentration of CO and the fact I will probably take a while to fall asleep due to my SI, but some of the very scientific threads here seem like overkill because of all the much simpler successful/accidental cases. I'm hoping my grills will be enough of if I can get a few pounds of charcoal going.

Haven't decided if I'm going to wait outside for CO to build up and then get in after a time, or just sit inside waiting for it to take effect.

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

Quick update, I guess. I've decided to wait until next Monday night. Due to rain, my plan would be very difficult to execute, and I wouldn't have another opportunity until then.

 

[Sunny13111]

I hope you're ok. Wishing you so much peace in whatever way that may be

 

[lostall_hope11]

I wish you best of luck.

 

[DT2007]

Best of luck with your plans.

 

[Yaffle]

Quick update, I guess. I've decided to wait until next Monday night. Due to rain, my plan would be very difficult to execute, and I wouldn't have another opportunity until then.

Best of luck, you're doing the right thing to delay and try and make it as plan perfect as possible.

Hope Monday is better for you.

 

[timing]

Take note during summer. It will turn into a suana in your car. So be careful - weather (temperature) is a big factor!

 

[deadbody]

Wish you the best.

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

I'm doing it tonight

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

I found a spot and I am going through with it as long as I can get the charcoal lit. It's no longer raining but weird and misty so I'm hoping it catches fine.

 

[XdragonsoulX]

Good luck with your plans

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

It's 11pm and I'm at a state park trailhead by a semi-busy road. Scary as hell with cars go by but the charcoal actually lit and I think the misty rain stuff is a good cover with the darkness so I doubt anyone will see me from the road. Feeling at ease about being seen but also the whole thing is getting real but feels surreal

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It's 11pm and I'm at a state park trailhead by a semi-busy road. Scary as hell with cars go by but the charcoal actually lit and I think the misty rain stuff is a good cover with the darkness so I doubt anyone will see me from the road. Feeling at ease about being seen but also the whole thing is getting real but feels surreal

I'm here for you if you want or need to talk.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Unfortunate that it came down to this. Hope it all goes peacefully.

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

I'm deactivating the email for this account as I'll be getting in the car pretty soon. If I don't come back on another account I died

 

[Meditation guide]

Hi, please let us know if you are still with us. I hope all goes well for you, either way.

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

Hi, please let us know if you are still with us. I hope all goes well for you, either way.

I am, not happy about it though.

This isn't the method for me. I didn't expect the smell and I think that's what got me the most about the actual process tbh. I got the grills in the car and sat in there but something about the smell of the fumes triggered my survival instinct hard and I had a near panic attack. I don't think I've ever heard anyone talk about that; maybe it has to do with my briquettes?

Anyways, a little while after midnight, I said goodnight to my girlfriend and set my notes on the dash and got in. I just wasn't able to relax and like 5 minutes into the thing my roommate texted and asked why I wasn't at the apartment, and asked me if i was good. I freaked out thinking he might call someone and dumped the grills out in the wet grass and left. I took a crap ton of Benadryl so I was all weird and hazy on the drive back and oculdn't really think super clearly. Got to my room and no one even asked any questions so I just went to bed and had the weirdest sleep of my life.

Now I'm here with a foggy brain, a car that smells like putrid smoke, and all kinds of stuff I have to do that I thought I wouldn't have to do because I'd be dead. And the method didn't fail, maybe it's right for some people. Just not me.

I really really want to find SN now. If anyone has a source please help me because at this point it's that or hanging.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

maybe it has to do with my briquettes?

Briquettes can contain "trash" like wood pieces and other "treated" stuff. That can produce unwanted emissions that irritate SI even if they look greyish after burning and stopping smoking. However they produce CO as this is an incomplete combustion. I'm sorry you failed, this is so agonizing. I hope you can recover somehow quickly.

SN source depends mostly on where you live (country) I do not have any SN sources as my method of choice is still CO with lump charcoal.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I am, not happy about it though.

This isn't the method for me. I didn't expect the smell and I think that's what got me the most about the actual process tbh. I got the grills in the car and sat in there but something about the smell of the fumes triggered my survival instinct hard and I had a near panic attack. I don't think I've ever heard anyone talk about that; maybe it has to do with my briquettes?

Anyways, a little while after midnight, I said goodnight to my girlfriend and set my notes on the dash and got in. I just wasn't able to relax and like 5 minutes into the thing my roommate texted and asked why I wasn't at the apartment, and asked me if i was good. I freaked out thinking he might call someone and dumped the grills out in the wet grass and left. I took a crap ton of Benadryl so I was all weird and hazy on the drive back and oculdn't really think super clearly. Got to my room and no one even asked any questions so I just went to bed and had the weirdest sleep of my life.

Now I'm here with a foggy brain, a car that smells like putrid smoke, and all kinds of stuff I have to do that I thought I wouldn't have to do because I'd be dead. And the method didn't fail, maybe it's right for some people. Just not me.

I really really want to find SN now. If anyone has a source please help me because at this point it's that or hanging.

This experience sounds pretty harrowing and I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Sadly I'm nor familiar with any current American SN source. I probably sound annoying but I'll say it anyway, if you need to talk about things you can always message me.

 

[Meditation guide]

I am, not happy about it though.

This isn't the method for me. I didn't expect the smell and I think that's what got me the most about the actual process tbh. I got the grills in the car and sat in there but something about the smell of the fumes triggered my survival instinct hard and I had a near panic attack. I don't think I've ever heard anyone talk about that; maybe it has to do with my briquettes?

Anyways, a little while after midnight, I said goodnight to my girlfriend and set my notes on the dash and got in. I just wasn't able to relax and like 5 minutes into the thing my roommate texted and asked why I wasn't at the apartment, and asked me if i was good. I freaked out thinking he might call someone and dumped the grills out in the wet grass and left. I took a crap ton of Benadryl so I was all weird and hazy on the drive back and oculdn't really think super clearly. Got to my room and no one even asked any questions so I just went to bed and had the weirdest sleep of my life.

Now I'm here with a foggy brain, a car that smells like putrid smoke, and all kinds of stuff I have to do that I thought I wouldn't have to do because I'd be dead. And the method didn't fail, maybe it's right for some people. Just not me.

I really really want to find SN now. If anyone has a source please help me because at this point it's that or hanging.

Can you tell the brand of briquettes you used please? Was it a strong smell? Did it burn your nostrils? Was it like a chemcial smell? Did you use starter fluid? Newspapers to start it? Were the coals completely grey?

I'm sorry this happened to you! It's alarming to me since I thought it was the most peaceful way.

 

[greatgooglymoogly]

Can you tell the brand of briquettes you used please? Was it a strong smell? Did it burn your nostrils? Was it like a chemcial smell? Did you use starter fluid? Newspapers to start it? Were the coals completely grey?

I'm sorry this happened to you! It's alarming to me since I thought it was the most peaceful way.

Hey, I'm OP - I deleted the randomly generated email I used for my old account before I attempted and my login isn't cached anymore so I had to make a new one. Thanks for asking questions; hope I can help out a bit so some good comes from my stupid situation.

• I don't know the brand of the briquettes as I bought them on a whim months ago and I threw the rest in the trash the morning after using them. I would assume they were just the cheapest ones I saw at Walmart. As Praestat_Mori said, that was probably my mistake. I had heard people talk about briquettes vs lump and I think I misinterpreted what they meant when they talked about the differences. I assumed that as long as I waited and let the outside burn off, cheap briquettes would basically be the same as expensive for the purpose of killing myself, but I guess I was wrong.
• The smell was definitely strong. I pulled the collar of my shirt up over my nose to try and deal with it for a few minutes - I wasn't like gagging or irritated by it though. If someone were more relaxed than I was and/or took heavier stuff to knock them out I don't doubt it could probably be ignored.
• I don't recall it burning my nostrils; it was just gross. No intense physical reaction that I remember.
• It's hard to describe the exact smell, but it's pretty baked into the upholstery of my civic now so I can try. I've never done much charcoal grilling but it's not like the pleasant smell you'd associate with that. At least now, after attempts to cover it up with febreze and fresh air, it's like pungent and musty like cat pee or something, with a vague undertone of campfire. But it's really not smoky as there was no actual smoke by the time it was in the car.
• I did not use starter fluid or newspaper. I initially bought some but went for tumbleweed starters instead on the recommendation of both this forum and grilling forums, lol.
• And yes, the coals were fully gray. They burned down to the point of being totally gray and not giving off smoke faster than I anticipated, but I waited just a little longer to be sure.

I'm sorry to alarm anyone and it's not my intention to freak anyone out or fearmonger; this is just my mistake and it's entirely possible that I would have died if I'd been able to relax. I hadn't slept in a couple of days and was feeling pretty dissociated as I came to terms with my plan all of that day. Setting up the whole process was easy enough, but when it didn't feel exactly how I thought it would, I guess I ultimately just pussied out and now I have to live with a stinky car for the rest of my life. I have no doubt this method is still a peaceful way to go when done right, I just don't think I can get myself to relax for that period of time.

As someone with very little experience with drugs/substances I think something like SN would be more achievable for me. Guess I have some kind of subconscious disconnect where I don't really register how what I put in my body is gonna affect me physically if that makes sense. I just think I need something more "passive" than charcoal.

And thank you to those who expressed concern; I'm doing fine. Right after the fact, I was freaked out and felt like I had some obligation to tell people irl that I got so close to attempting, but not even my roommates asked what happened. So it's just in the past now.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

And thank you to those who expressed concern; I'm doing fine. Right after the fact, I was freaked out and felt like I had some obligation to tell people irl that I got so close to attempting, but not even my roommates asked what happened. So it's just in the past now.

Yeah you should tuck that specific nugget of information away for now. But, is there anyone you think it would be worthwhile to talk about you are feeling in general?

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Hey, I'm OP - I deleted the randomly generated email I used for my old account before I attempted and my login isn't cached anymore so I had to make a new one. Thanks for asking questions; hope I can help out a bit so some good comes from my stupid situation.

• I don't know the brand of the briquettes as I bought them on a whim months ago and I threw the rest in the trash the morning after using them. I would assume they were just the cheapest ones I saw at Walmart. As Praestat_Mori said, that was probably my mistake. I had heard people talk about briquettes vs lump and I think I misinterpreted what they meant when they talked about the differences. I assumed that as long as I waited and let the outside burn off, cheap briquettes would basically be the same as expensive for the purpose of killing myself, but I guess I was wrong.
• The smell was definitely strong. I pulled the collar of my shirt up over my nose to try and deal with it for a few minutes - I wasn't like gagging or irritated by it though. If someone were more relaxed than I was and/or took heavier stuff to knock them out I don't doubt it could probably be ignored.
• I don't recall it burning my nostrils; it was just gross. No intense physical reaction that I remember.
• It's hard to describe the exact smell, but it's pretty baked into the upholstery of my civic now so I can try. I've never done much charcoal grilling but it's not like the pleasant smell you'd associate with that. At least now, after attempts to cover it up with febreze and fresh air, it's like pungent and musty like cat pee or something, with a vague undertone of campfire. But it's really not smoky as there was no actual smoke by the time it was in the car.
• I did not use starter fluid or newspaper. I initially bought some but went for tumbleweed starters instead on the recommendation of both this forum and grilling forums, lol.
• And yes, the coals were fully gray. They burned down to the point of being totally gray and not giving off smoke faster than I anticipated, but I waited just a little longer to be sure.

I'm sorry to alarm anyone and it's not my intention to freak anyone out or fearmonger; this is just my mistake and it's entirely possible that I would have died if I'd been able to relax. I hadn't slept in a couple of days and was feeling pretty dissociated as I came to terms with my plan all of that day. Setting up the whole process was easy enough, but when it didn't feel exactly how I thought it would, I guess I ultimately just pussied out and now I have to live with a stinky car for the rest of my life. I have no doubt this method is still a peaceful way to go when done right, I just don't think I can get myself to relax for that period of time.

As someone with very little experience with drugs/substances I think something like SN would be more achievable for me. Guess I have some kind of subconscious disconnect where I don't really register how what I put in my body is gonna affect me physically if that makes sense. I just think I need something more "passive" than charcoal.

And thank you to those who expressed concern; I'm doing fine. Right after the fact, I was freaked out and felt like I had some obligation to tell people irl that I got so close to attempting, but not even my roommates asked what happened. So it's just in the past now.

Did you seal your vents + door during this attempt? I'm thinking charcoal is how I'd like to go I'm just curious how my car should be set up because I drive a shitty honda accord lmao

 

[greatgooglymoogly]

Did you seal your vents + door during this attempt? I'm thinking charcoal is how I'd like to go I'm just curious how my car should be set up because I drive a shitty honda accord lmao

I didn't seal anything. From all I had read it didn't seem that it would be a huge deal especially with multiple grills going. Obviously I backed out so I can't really say if the sealing would've made an actual difference or not