Venting 24 hours till my next attempt (2nd)

[HumongousTheGod]

i can't go a day without being fucked up. it's the only way i can escape my heart ache but i'm still a mess when i am fucked up it's just i don't feel fucked up? i plan to ctb tomorrow by partial in the woods. i have a feeling it's gonna fail again but this will be my first attempt drunk so there's a real chance i believe it will work this time (2nd attempt). if this fails i'll either save up for a shotgun or jump or possibly go full. im at my wits end and i'm now just giving into heartache. it's been a LONG LONG year for me without her. i don't care if you think i'm weak for this i just can't even function anymore my only friends now are the people who accept me here now. this will be my final outlet with my final thoughts here the my next hopefully last day of existence. i'm letting liquor do the thinking

 

[TiredHorse]

Amazing how long and empty a year can feel without your beloved, isn't it?

No, you're not weak. It's just a wretched thing to contemplate the end of existence after you dared hope otherwise. I flubbed it again last night (eb/N2); partially survival instinct, but largely because I can't shake the bone-deep disbelief that my life has collapsed after it being so good for a while. I am, like you, non-functional, barely able to leave the house, with only one friend locally.

I wish you serenity, and the strength and courage to move forward somehow. If that's by catching the bus, so be it; may your journey be gentle and the destination peaceful. If you somehow find a way up out of the pit, so much the better.

And no matter what, please don't feel you need to leave the forum if this attempt, or any other, doesn't go as planned.

 

[HumongousTheGod]

Amazing how long and empty a year can feel without your beloved, isn't it?

No, you're not weak. It's just a wretched thing to contemplate the end of existence after you dared hope otherwise. I flubbed it again last night (eb/N2); partially survival instinct, but largely because I can't shake the bone-deep disbelief that my life has collapsed after it being so good for a while. I am, like you, non-functional, barely able to leave the house, with only one friend locally.

I wish you serenity, and the strength and courage to move forward somehow. If that's by catching the bus, so be it; may your journey be gentle and the destination peaceful. If you somehow find a way up out of the pit, so much the better.

And no matter what, please don't feel you need to leave the forum if this attempt, or any other, doesn't go as planned.

thank you that means a lot. i'm hoping i find peace soon

 

[therhydler]

<3

 

[gingerplum]

I hope you can escape your pain and find your peace.