Venting 22 and already fucked up my life

[savoytruffle]

I'm almost 22 and I'm still living with my mother and brother. I'm an absolute burden on their resources, all I am is a black hole where money disappears in. I'm trying to limit myself to one meal a day and i never buy anything for myself, but everyday I wake up wanting to scream. We are in the brink of financial disaster and the landlord is kicking us out after 20 years, and I contribute nothing to the situation.

I want to work but I can barely leave the house without running back into the bathroom to puke. I flunked out of college twice and I'm giving it another try now (free college where i live), but I already only passed 2/7 classes. I'm almost 22 and I haven't even finished a full second semester of college, while my peers are out there with their degrees and already working.

Who is going to hire a 22 year old college student with no prior employment? I can barely talk to someone outside of my mother without wanting to faint. I don't even know how to make a CV, what do I put in there? My high school degree?

I truly believe everything would be better with me gone, and I am SO tired of living on edge everyday. I feel like I'm 85 years old, physically and mentally. I'm a useless NEET leeching off my family and I'm going to disappear one day. I don't want my mother to find me hanging from the closet, ill find a way to acquire some SN and take a long hike to my favorite place in the woods to ctb. I'm sorry to whoever had to read through this crap.

 

[lostmylove]

Me too. I'm 24 and I'm totally finished with life. I'm sorry ab your pain

 

[deleted]

I understand you, I'll be 21 soon and I just can't adapt to adulthood

 

[MatthewV3]

I am also 22 and I have never been employed. I tried going to college twice, but I just couldn't stand the difference between me and my peers. They had their lives, 9-5 jobs, friends etc. I have been on NEET since I've graduated high school 3 years ago.

 

[savoytruffle]

I am also 22 and I have never been employed. I tried going to college twice, but I just couldn't stand the difference between me and my peers. They had their lives, 9-5 jobs, friends etc. I have been on NEET since I've graduated high school 3 years ago.

The huge difference between them and us is driving me insane. I was sitting in class a few days ago trying not to start shaking when I heard a bunch of people talking about going out to party, but they all had to work tomorrow. Immediately stood up and ran home. They ALL have their own flats, income and independence. WHY did I have to be the one born this way? I feel cursed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that this life can be unbearable when everything is hopeless and you are so tired. I just want to be gone as well, at 21, I have had enough of living and the thought of suffering for decades is horrifying to me. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Insomniac]

I'm hugging you and we're crying together because I'm in the same situation.

 

[Darkover]

you did better than me my life end at 18

 

[Ravel]

I know how it is. I feel guilty every day for being a neet/hikikomori. I know they would be better off without me. Im just a burden

 

[boblong]

Dude sameee , I thought I was alone in this situation

 

[Dolphin55]

Dude sameee , I thought I was alone in this situation

So did I. Damn, I wonder if most people in this situation consider/want to ctb. Sometimes it just seems the logical thing to do, if you're not capable of 'adulting' and can't fix yourself. I've found the longer it goes on the harder it is to stomach it :(

 

[clicmsf]

I'm sorry. Your situation sounds so difficult. I understand you and relate to you about feeling behind everyone else. I always hear and read that don't compare yourself, blah blah. No matter what, i can't feel good knowing people my age and even younger are doing so much better at everything, only because i had to be born autistic and low IQ (I have done an official IQ test and I'm below average). Humans are naturally competitive, it's in our genes. Knowing that I will never experience my life the way I want, which a lot of people my age are experiencing, hurts me so bad. My only reason of staying alive is because I don't want to put my family through such a big pain. We don't deserve to live in this agony, none of us do, but it is what it is. Hopefully one day we'll be set free

 

[slanabhaile]

I'm sorry. Your situation sounds so difficult. I understand you and relate to you about feeling behind everyone else. I always hear and read that don't compare yourself, blah blah. No matter what, i can't feel good knowing people my age and even younger are doing so much better at everything, only because i had to be born autistic and low IQ (I have done an official IQ test and I'm below average). Humans are naturally competitive, it's in our genes. Knowing that I will never experience my life the way I want, which a lot of people my age are experiencing, hurts me so bad. My only reason of staying alive is because I don't want to put my family through such a big pain. We don't deserve to live in this agony, none of us do, but it is what it is. Hopefully one day we'll be set free

Thinking about you pal. I hope everything works out for you