fawn
Member
- Feb 19, 2024
- 6
(skip to the end for cute cat pics!!)
i want to kill myself so badly, i have ever since i knew what suicide was to be honest - my first ever 'attempt' was between the ages of 9-10, i honestly cant remember much of my childhood, so sorry for the vague age. i have always felt that my cause of death will always be suicide, no matter what i do my fate is kind of just inevitable in a way. and while ive somewhat made my peace with that, i cant handle the thought of leaving my cat alone, im really the only person shes affectionate with - she practically lives with me in my bedroom. when i was younger and was in school, she always used to lay on my bed and seemingly wait for me to return, and as soon as i came home everyday she would either run to the door to see me or wait by my bedroom door and just stare at me while meowing. this might be cringey to say, but honestly the main thing holding me back from ending my life is her. i used to get bullied quite a lot at school due to my at the time undiagnosed autism and looks, which let to me eventually dropping out, but before i dropped out i stayed at home most days of the school week. and on those days when i was at home crying in my bed, she would always come and comfort me and i honestly dont know what i wouldve done without her. ive always felt much more of a connection with animals than people, even if we cant directly communicate i feel so much more understood. if i die, i worry that she will feel alone as she doesnt really like anybody else in my household and my parents have another cat that kind of harasses her. im not sure if this is a good or a bad thing, as on one hand it stops me from doing anything in the meanwhile, but on the other she is pretty old and i know that when she eventually passes i wont really have much to stay for. anyway, here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure:3
i want to kill myself so badly, i have ever since i knew what suicide was to be honest - my first ever 'attempt' was between the ages of 9-10, i honestly cant remember much of my childhood, so sorry for the vague age. i have always felt that my cause of death will always be suicide, no matter what i do my fate is kind of just inevitable in a way. and while ive somewhat made my peace with that, i cant handle the thought of leaving my cat alone, im really the only person shes affectionate with - she practically lives with me in my bedroom. when i was younger and was in school, she always used to lay on my bed and seemingly wait for me to return, and as soon as i came home everyday she would either run to the door to see me or wait by my bedroom door and just stare at me while meowing. this might be cringey to say, but honestly the main thing holding me back from ending my life is her. i used to get bullied quite a lot at school due to my at the time undiagnosed autism and looks, which let to me eventually dropping out, but before i dropped out i stayed at home most days of the school week. and on those days when i was at home crying in my bed, she would always come and comfort me and i honestly dont know what i wouldve done without her. ive always felt much more of a connection with animals than people, even if we cant directly communicate i feel so much more understood. if i die, i worry that she will feel alone as she doesnt really like anybody else in my household and my parents have another cat that kind of harasses her. im not sure if this is a good or a bad thing, as on one hand it stops me from doing anything in the meanwhile, but on the other she is pretty old and i know that when she eventually passes i wont really have much to stay for. anyway, here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure:3
