Help 19 years old, situation seems hopeless

[allovernow]

Hello,

Recently I have started seriously researching into suicide (using SN) but I am wondering if there are alternative solutions to my problems. I do not want to die, but I want to live in a world where I can enjoy life.

I'm a couple days away from turning 19, transgender (MtF) and I do not see happiness in my future, to be blunt. I am on antidepressants and HRT but they do not really help, I simply cannot be happy. I abuse alcohol, have attempted suicide before, and generally do not see a way out of this situation.

My apartment is a total mess and I cannot get the energy to clean it, I look like a man in a wig (and likely will do forever), and don't see how things get better from here. Additionally I have a very unsupportive family (thankfully I do not live with them). Leelah Alcorn's suicide note resonated very well for me, and Leelah of course did kill herself. I just got dealt a really shit hand in life, I think.

What else can I try before I bite the proverbial bullet and order SN?

Thanks

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Hey! Once you unlock messenger feel free to message me as I can really relate to this and understand HRT.

 

[RayoSinSol]

I respect people who have the guts and confidence to transition. It's not easy in this one-track-minded world.

 

[StateOfMind]

Hey! Once you unlock messenger feel free to message me as I can really relate to this and understand HRT.

Is messenger "start conversation"?

 

[allovernow]

I respect people who have the guts and confidence to transition. It's not easy in this one-track-minded world.

thing is I don't actually have the guts to do it, I've gone outside dressed as a girl a few times, but I live life as a man in public most of the time.

People say "it gets better" but IDK if that's really true for me

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Is messenger "start conversation"?

It's either chat or start a private message. You can do both.

 

[RayoSinSol]

thing is I don't actually have the guts to do it, I've gone outside dressed as a girl a few times, but I live life as a man in public most of the time.

People say "it gets better" but IDK if that's really true for me

I don't even have the confidence to do that, and I consider myself gender non-conforming in some ways. So...you have more confidence than maybe you realize.

 

[Meowkin]

Hello,

Recently I have started seriously researching into suicide (using SN) but I am wondering if there are alternative solutions to my problems. I do not want to die, but I want to live in a world where I can enjoy life.

I'm a couple days away from turning 19, transgender (MtF) and I do not see happiness in my future, to be blunt. I am on antidepressants and HRT but they do not really help, I simply cannot be happy. I abuse alcohol, have attempted suicide before, and generally do not see a way out of this situation.

My apartment is a total mess and I cannot get the energy to clean it, I look like a man in a wig (and likely will do forever), and don't see how things get better from here. Additionally I have a very unsupportive family (thankfully I do not live with them). Leelah Alcorn's suicide note resonated very well for me, and Leelah of course did kill herself. I just got dealt a really shit hand in life, I think.

What else can I try before I bite the proverbial bullet and order SN?

Thanks

It sounds like you want to give life another go. I do hope you'll find happiness in this life. Good luck.

 

[allovernow]

It sounds like you want to give life another go. I do hope you'll find happiness in this life. Good luck.

Maybe. I'm ordering some SN to keep in storage, and if I want to go through with it I'll get some antiemetics when the time comes

Hey! Once you unlock messenger feel free to message me as I can really relate to this and understand HRT.

Will do. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this