animetal
a confession, a cadaver
- May 8, 2023
- 81
Every day I feel like I'm holding on by a single thread . My trauma is consuming me and I feel so depressed each and every single day because I worked so hard to cope with what I had went through for the past five years I thought life was finally okay and then I was with someone I loved and finally being comfortable with being who I am and I had surrounded myself with positivity and everything but I just had to see the person that abused me it's not fair he ruined my life. How could someone do that to a child to someone's whose brain is still developing. It's not fair it's not fair it's not fair . I just want to go back in time to when I was oblivious to what was happening. All because of this a domino effect happened and now things can never be the same I just wanted to be happy and no matter what I can't escape i feel so detached from my body because of this I hate that I blame myself for something that wasn't my fault : ( if it wasn't for him i wouldn't have all these trauma responses and I would still be with my bf and I wouldn't have giant gaps missing from my memory . It's not fair at all :( it seems all I had was the delusions in my head to keep me safe which is why I would dissociate for hours at a time and now I don't even have that. It's like everything I know is a lie to convince myself those things never happened.
