Venting 1 year ? Will it be enough?

[Hadès]

Hi everyone, for those who remember or read a bit my past welcome back I guess.

A few days ago I sent a message to my ex ( I know big mistake) to say congrats for your diploma ! , I didn't expected to continue the conversation but it did... And she told me something that I would never expected to be... The type of person I hate the most on this planet... A rapist... Or what is the closest to.

We continued to talk about memories, good times etc and one moment I tell her that I am very sorry for teasing her and it was and is still very unrespectful of me to have done this

She tell me it's good you talk about it because it made me live like hell in my own body for like a year...

I then told a good friend (a girl) what she thought about this and she told me it wasn't because it was just a lack of communication for her.

you know when you're a couple sometimes you tease your compagnon, and for me it was kind of a way to show my love and since it was my second true relationship and that always as been good I didn't really noticed it would be bad for her..., And even if I asked literally every 2 seconds is it ok ? You want me to stop ? Do I go to far if I do this ? Literally everything to be sure she is good with all that and that I have her consent ( first true relationship for her) I learnt that she wasn't liking and didn't knew how to tell me no... I don't understand, she knew I wouldn't have say anything and that I would have tried tease less but she did not tell me...

I know I shouldn't have started but she should have tell me about it...

I said that I recognise doing this and far later cause I was speechless I say sorry

She feel relieved that unlike other men I didn't lied or tried to convince her it never happened , and she accepted my excuses

And come the part why it's on the suicide discussion..., It add something on why I left myself one year to live , we continued to talk and she sensed something was wrong , she asked me are : you ok ? I lied many with yeah good or other stuff but one moment she really tell me : I know you are not ok.

I told a part but far from everything since the last 2 years I didn't talk to her and also that I want to die , now she want to talk to me almost every day because it make her feel better since it's finally out.

So yeah... 1 year to go better or that's the end, I already know everything I need or how to proceed, I have nothing to hold me except maybe 1-2 person but they will understand

If something doesn't seems clear in a sentence tell me, I will tell what I meant since I am still french , sorry and everything thanks for reading and hope you all will understand... Bye

 

[locked*n*loaded]

And she told me something that I would never expected to be... The type of person I hate the most on this planet... A rapist... Or what is the closest to.

I'm confused. She called YOU a rapist or accused you of being one?

 

[Hadès]

I'm confused. She called YOU a rapist or accused you of being one?

I accused myself of this, because it's really look like it is rape, I gave her trauma and because of me she feel stuck in her body...

I didn't see any signs, I even taught she liked because sometimes she started... I know I shouldn't have begin but I expected her to tell me if something was wrong

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I accused myself of this, because it's really look like it is rape, I gave her trauma and because of me she feel stuck in her body...

I didn't see any signs, I even taught she liked because sometimes she started... I know I shouldn't have begin but I expected her to tell me if something was wrong

From how you're describing it here, it doesn't sound like rape to me. Did she ever say the word NO?

 

[Hadès]

From how you're describing it here, it doesn't sound like rape to me. Did she ever say the word NO?

Not from what I remember but I would have stopped immediately if she did, I was always making sure everything was good for her and that I had her consent...

I forgot to mention in this story but I wasn't her first time, we never had sex , just basic stuff, she had her first time after me, only thing I did was touching her and teasing

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Not from what I remember but I would have stopped immediately if she did, I was always making sure everything was good for her and that I had her consent...

Well, that's not rape then, either legally, or morally.

 

[Hadès]

Well, that's not rape then, either legally, or morally.

I edited the last message, maybe it can help to understand

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I edited the last message, maybe it can help to understand

Touching and teasing is never rape. It can be molestation, but only if she says no and you don't stop.

 

[Hadès]

Touching and teasing is never rape. It can be molestation, but only if she says no and you don't stop.

Well then it's not molestation either, it's really just a lack of communication for her ?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Well then it's not molestation either, it's really just a lack of communication for her ?