FERAL_FRENZY
Legionnaire <3
- Apr 18, 2024
- 25
It feels like I'm doomed to forever be a background character in my own life. Everyone seems to have that certain "someone" that they click and bond with, but I can't seem to find mine for the fucking LIFE of me. And, a part of me worries that I've already pushed away anyone I could potentially form a close bond with. I've been on a steady self-sabotage streak for a couple years now, and every time something finally goes my way, my paranoia and mistrust derail everything.
I wish I felt differently, but I literally can't help it. I'm so bad at telling whether people have good intentions or not, and it makes me want to chase away anyone who even dares to get close. I often feel like a walking contradiction. Always seeking attention and affection, but then hastily pushing people away as soon as it's reciprocated. I don't think I could even get along with my own clone at this point.
It's gotten so bad that I feel guilty for even trying to let people in. Internally, I'm counting down the days until we inevitably part ways because I know that I'll end up doing something that'll make that person want to cut me off for good.
I wish I felt differently, but I literally can't help it. I'm so bad at telling whether people have good intentions or not, and it makes me want to chase away anyone who even dares to get close. I often feel like a walking contradiction. Always seeking attention and affection, but then hastily pushing people away as soon as it's reciprocated. I don't think I could even get along with my own clone at this point.
It's gotten so bad that I feel guilty for even trying to let people in. Internally, I'm counting down the days until we inevitably part ways because I know that I'll end up doing something that'll make that person want to cut me off for good.
