lack
im sorry for what i said
- Sep 14, 2023
- 68
feeling very frustrated. Every time I look into medical assistance in death for Canada, I get excited that they removed the limitation on people with mental illness from receiving help with assisted suicide.. the law was first updated on March 17, 2021 to allow people with mental illness to apply. then very very swiftly due to public outrage, they amended it to wait for one year to review safeguards and shit like that.. like, ok. I'm still fine with that. i get it. i feel confident I'd still qualify for it after strong review from many doctors. so they amended it on March 17 2022, to be a more strictly guarded process of review and stuff for any individual with mental illness seeking MAiD. ok, sweet. I didn't really know about this at the time, and I guess it wouldn't have mattered because due to more public outrage "on March 9, 2023, the extension of the temporary exclusion of eligibility for medical assistance in dying (MAID) received Royal Assent and came into force, postponing the eligibility date for persons suffering solely from mental illness until March 17, 2024".
what the fuck. ok.
trying to find more information now , since it's currently a couple months past this date.. And as I'm scrolling on the page I see this
"On February 29, 2024, legislation to extend the temporary exclusion of eligibility to receive MAID in circumstances where a person's sole underlying medical condition is a mental illness received royal assent and immediately came into effect. The eligibility date for persons suffering solely from a mental illness is now March 17, 2027.
To receive updates via Justice Canada news releases, subscribe to our RSS feed by visiting https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/news-nouv/rss.html. " ( I had to include the bit about RSS because, *what the fuck*?! like.. ugh.. what the fuck.. no.. that's so grim.. and like.. fuck.. at least 3 more years this time.. and why should I believe that at that point, it would be anything other than another fucking extension???? So you want me to subscribe to the RSS feed?! fuck your RSS feed !! my life is a fucking 24/7 nightmare!! for 34 years !!! Don't tell me I have to wait another 3 years for THE POTENTIAL to have medical assistance in death?! )
Also another thing that I saw while scrolling is the obligatory warning "This webpage deals with topics that may cause distress. If you or someone close to you needs support, we encourage you to reach out. Resources are available at canada.ca/mental-health."
Which makes my blood BOIL, *as fucking if* I haven't already tried to utilize all of Canada's fucking garbage resources for mental health, aghhhhhhhh. and .. y'know, ugh, I get that they have to put there for people who are like not seriously in need of MAiD but just want relief and can use those resources maybe but they put that warning literally right before the news that they're extending it until 2027. it's like.. fuck, if the resources were actually better maybe i wouldn't feel so hopeless but i am pretty confident it's hopeless for me as doctors have told me that so.. even the medical field agrees on some level, I know I would qualify. why do they keep amending it, for other fucking people? the non suicidal people? the society left behind, forced to think about their failures in supporting one another ? what the fuck
2027 will be the 10 year mark since my dad died, though. maybe it's some kind of fate. he was the only person who would pick up my call no matter what. he knew I was suicidal since I was a little kid. he pulled me out of highschool because he was scared of me possibly doing a school shooting? which is .. sort of indicative of how paranoid and brainwashed by the news he was. I would never have done that; I didn't even have access to guns or anything.. but I always did daydream I'd shoot myself in front of everyone. i wouldn't want to hurt anyone, I want them to know they hurt me. I feel so rejected by everyone in the world. I want to know how badly we're all failing. They can't see that if they're dead; and I don't want to cause harm to anyone. I even struggle to kill flies and spiders. i don't *like* death. I can't stand to suffer.
i think my new daydream will be a very public suicide in a crowded area where I couldn't possibly hurt anyone else, but could die swiftly in a way that disturbs people enough to think deeper about suicide, and to do it in the name of allowing MAiD to allow mentally ill people to qualify.
this post ended up a lot longer than I originally intended. im sorry , but thank you to anyone who read it this far.. if there's anyone out there.
yesterday i was told by two out of my four in real life friends that im either "too much" and "really intense". im just so sorry for being me. really truly. i don't want to be this way.
what the fuck. ok.
trying to find more information now , since it's currently a couple months past this date.. And as I'm scrolling on the page I see this
"On February 29, 2024, legislation to extend the temporary exclusion of eligibility to receive MAID in circumstances where a person's sole underlying medical condition is a mental illness received royal assent and immediately came into effect. The eligibility date for persons suffering solely from a mental illness is now March 17, 2027.
To receive updates via Justice Canada news releases, subscribe to our RSS feed by visiting https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/news-nouv/rss.html. " ( I had to include the bit about RSS because, *what the fuck*?! like.. ugh.. what the fuck.. no.. that's so grim.. and like.. fuck.. at least 3 more years this time.. and why should I believe that at that point, it would be anything other than another fucking extension???? So you want me to subscribe to the RSS feed?! fuck your RSS feed !! my life is a fucking 24/7 nightmare!! for 34 years !!! Don't tell me I have to wait another 3 years for THE POTENTIAL to have medical assistance in death?! )
Also another thing that I saw while scrolling is the obligatory warning "This webpage deals with topics that may cause distress. If you or someone close to you needs support, we encourage you to reach out. Resources are available at canada.ca/mental-health."
Which makes my blood BOIL, *as fucking if* I haven't already tried to utilize all of Canada's fucking garbage resources for mental health, aghhhhhhhh. and .. y'know, ugh, I get that they have to put there for people who are like not seriously in need of MAiD but just want relief and can use those resources maybe but they put that warning literally right before the news that they're extending it until 2027. it's like.. fuck, if the resources were actually better maybe i wouldn't feel so hopeless but i am pretty confident it's hopeless for me as doctors have told me that so.. even the medical field agrees on some level, I know I would qualify. why do they keep amending it, for other fucking people? the non suicidal people? the society left behind, forced to think about their failures in supporting one another ? what the fuck
2027 will be the 10 year mark since my dad died, though. maybe it's some kind of fate. he was the only person who would pick up my call no matter what. he knew I was suicidal since I was a little kid. he pulled me out of highschool because he was scared of me possibly doing a school shooting? which is .. sort of indicative of how paranoid and brainwashed by the news he was. I would never have done that; I didn't even have access to guns or anything.. but I always did daydream I'd shoot myself in front of everyone. i wouldn't want to hurt anyone, I want them to know they hurt me. I feel so rejected by everyone in the world. I want to know how badly we're all failing. They can't see that if they're dead; and I don't want to cause harm to anyone. I even struggle to kill flies and spiders. i don't *like* death. I can't stand to suffer.
i think my new daydream will be a very public suicide in a crowded area where I couldn't possibly hurt anyone else, but could die swiftly in a way that disturbs people enough to think deeper about suicide, and to do it in the name of allowing MAiD to allow mentally ill people to qualify.
this post ended up a lot longer than I originally intended. im sorry , but thank you to anyone who read it this far.. if there's anyone out there.
yesterday i was told by two out of my four in real life friends that im either "too much" and "really intense". im just so sorry for being me. really truly. i don't want to be this way.