Drove to the Humber Bridge yesterday, and I just couldn't do it.

[CTB Fella]

Fucking hours driving, all geared up fr it, and I couldn't manage.it.

I feel like a coward cunt.

Went for a Guinness in the Weatherspoon, to gather my thoughts and it just wasn't there.

However, I am an overdoser, and this is new to me.

Been sectioned 28 times, from serious overdoses (life support) and I haven't overderdosed since last March, which what the most brutal overdose of my life. Tracheotomy, drains on both lungs, cannulas, catheter, ended up catching (apparently) the most deadly blood virus, THEN I caught Covid, when I went to another ward.

It was brutal.

Anyway, I planned on overdosing three weeks ago, but couldn't get myself over SI.

Then I tried again a week later, no joy.

Went again on Friday, and I did it.

I was on my way way out, as my ribs have been killing me, as they clearly performed CPR to bring me back (I don't remember any of this.)

Point being: Do you think if I keep going to the bridge, I'll eventually do it?

I really need your advice, and I love you all.

 

[feverinjection]

SI is a tough one. I wish you well.

 

[iloverachel]

I am so sorry your plan failed, and that you have suffered so much and been through so many overdoses, sounds excruciating and painful.
Was your plan to just overdose? or jump off the bridge?

Either way, survival instinct really is a pain to get over, i don't think it makes you cowardly at all

 

[CTB Fella]

I am so sorry your plan failed, and that you have suffered so much and been through so many overdoses, sounds excruciating and painful.
Was your plan to just overdose? or jump off the bridge?

Either way, survival instinct really is a pain to get over, i don't think it makes you cowardly at all

I intended to just jump.

By the way, all this speak of "wardens" being on patrol is complete bollox. It was completely desolate.

Life is a cunt.

Why is it so hard to end it?

I'm now leaning towards (no pun untended) partial suspension. I think that is the most "easiest" and successful way to go.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

I intended to just jump.

By the way, all this speak of "wardens" being on patrol is complete bollox. It was completely desolate.

Life is a cunt.

Why is it so hard to end it?

I'm now leaning towards (no pun untended) partial suspension. I think that is the most "easiest" and successful way to go.

Just run and jump. You have to just run. Just standing at edge, it will likely never work. Momentum is needed.
Partial never works, I've never seen it be anything but a failure.

 

[SilverTiger]

Hello CTB fella.

I wish people wouldn't be so hard on themselves regarding this.
Firstly, modern humans have existed for 200,000 years, with a genetic lineage that is 3,700,000,000 years old (3.7 billion years)

You are fighting a survival instinct that has been honed over 3.7 billion years, of course it will sometimes kick in, you know what? Think of it like this, you as a person want to die, but your biology is holding you with both arms around you begging and pleading not to go. You will overcome it one day, do not be hard on yourself for losing to 3.7-billion-year-old natural prerogative hard wired into the very body you inhabit.

As for your question, yes if you keep going to the Humber eventually that biology will lose out to your will and you will be able to CTB, One day, perhaps soon, you will win over biology and end this suffering, but. I ask that before you do this, you be kinder to yourself.

As someone who is also struggling to make the journey out of this life, I wish you luck, Champ.

 

[lebrodude]

I don't blame you fella, when you are on a bridge like that it's a long way down.

 

[CTB Fella]

Hello CTB fella.

I wish people wouldn't be so hard on themselves regarding this.
Firstly, modern humans have existed for 200,000 years, with a genetic lineage that is 3,700,000,000 years old (3.7 billion years)

You are fighting a survival instinct that has been honed over 3.7 billion years, of course it will sometimes kick in, you know what? Think of it like this, you as a person want to die, but your biology is holding you with both arms around you begging and pleading not to go. You will overcome it one day, do not be hard on yourself for losing to 3.7-billion-year-old natural prerogative hard wired into the very body you inhabit.

As for your question, yes if you keep going to the Humber eventually that biology will lose out to your will and you will be able to CTB, One day, perhaps soon, you will win over biology and end this suffering, but. I ask that before you do this, you be kinder to yourself.

As someone who is also struggling to make the journey out of this life, I wish you luck, Champ.

I LOVE YOU.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Fucking hours driving, all geared up fr it, and I couldn't manage.it.

I feel like a coward cunt.

Went for a Guinness in the Weatherspoon, to gather my thoughts and it just wasn't there.

However, I am an overdoser, and this is new to me.

Been sectioned 28 times, from serious overdoses (life support) and I haven't overderdosed since last March, which what the most brutal overdose of my life. Tracheotomy, drains on both lungs, cannulas, catheter, ended up catching (apparently) the most deadly blood virus, THEN I caught Covid, when I went to another ward.

It was brutal.

Anyway, I planned on overdosing three weeks ago, but couldn't get myself over SI.

Then I tried again a week later, no joy.

Went again on Friday, and I did it.

I was on my way way out, as my ribs have been killing me, as they clearly performed CPR to bring me back (I don't remember any of this.)

Point being: Do you think if I keep going to the bridge, I'll eventually do it?

I really need your advice, and I love you all.

That's a whole different ctb viewpoint. None of us know if we could do this or that if given the choice. You have a SI foot on the gas and ironically a different SI on the gas. It's probably not high enough anyway. It's already miserable enough trying to kill yourself: why make it more miserable if that method isn't for you? Can I ask what you overdosed on in the past? You can pm me if you'd rather.

 

[axab43]

Just run and jump. You have to just run. Just standing at edge, it will likely never work. Momentum is needed.
Partial never works, I've never seen it be anything but a failure.

As said before on here, partial has worked a lot for celebrities. Like Robin Williams, Michael Hutchence and others. So it must be possible.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

As said before on here, partial has worked a lot for celebrities. Like Robin Williams, Michael Hutchence and others. So it must be possible.

Yes it works for people who are committed... Anybody who really wants/needs to die will make it work. I think that partial is a good non method method tbh. We're all suffering

 

[CTB Fella]

That's a whole different ctb viewpoint. None of us know if we could do this or that if given the choice. You have a SI foot on the gas and ironically a different SI on the gas. It's probably not high enough anyway. It's already miserable enough trying to kill yourself: why make it more miserable if that method isn't for you? Can I ask what you overdosed on in the past? You can pm me if you'd rather.

150 mirtazapine (10mg.)

150m zopiclone (7.5 mg.)

And alcohol.

Before anyone says this doesn't work, believe me, it does.

As said before on here, partial has worked a lot for celebrities. Like Robin Williams, Michael Hutchence and others. So it must be possible.

Exactly.

 

[tigerz]

I am planning to jump off this bridge as well. I've seen a few of your posts now and thought I'd reply.

If you don't mind me asking what time did you go to the bridge? Did you drive to the middle and climb over the railings as I've heard the footpath is closed from 9pm.

I am drinking a full bottle of vodka and taking ketamine so that I'm completely out of it before I jump. Also if I don't die on impact then hopefully it will numb any feelings of drowning.

 

[mustangsally4ever]

I worry about this happening to me too as jumping is my current plan (though that may change if I can find SN).