Discussion Do you think it's valid to not have an exact logical reason to CTB?

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Do you think it's valid to not have an exact logical reason to CTB?

I had a session with my therapist today and I was really honest about wanting to CTB. She said she didn't understand why I wanted to end my life when things are starting to look positive in her opinion. I couldn't really answer this as I still don't feel things seem positive as I still have a lack of support in my life. I feel more ready then I've felt before to CTB. I feel like ending my life will just finally put me at peace - like waving the white flag after fighting a long battle. Is it that bad that I feel suicide is the only way to accomplish this even without a logical reason (Or a reason that others can't understand?) Surely it's selfish to want the person to suffer so much everyday just so you can say that he is still alive.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Yes. It's valid. No one has to explain or justify anything to anyone in reality. It's what you want for yourself or not that matters. Nobody knows what's good for you more than you to be honest, because they don't have to endure as you. All people can do is speculate from the outside. You have to know your own desires and not worry about anything else. I don't know if that helped or not

 

[Dark Moon]

No, you don't need an exact logical reason to ctb. I myself have no support aside from my mum even though I'm autistic, that's just one reason why I want to ctb aswell as others.

 

[Ctrl_Alt_DEL]

ImO , having a rational reason exposed is important for the loved ones left behind after you commit CTB.

 

[FuneralCry]

Individuals should be able to choose when they die and it's not something for others to decide, death will happen anyway whether there's a reason behind it or not. I don't understand those who insist that voluntary death needs a reason when nobody could have even consented to this existence and it's all meaningless anyway. The selfish ones to me are those who impose existence in the first place and insist that others must continue suffering no matter what.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, it's valid

 

[golta]

Of course is valid!!! Its your life , not theirs

 

[LaughingGoat]

I've described depression/suicidality like this for people before : Imagine you have a form of incurable cancer and you go through treatment and your condition improves for a time, but the cancer is still there and you know it will continue to come back again and again regardless. How much suffering does that person have to endure before we say it's ok for them to be rest and be at peace.

In most of our opinions, the only person who has a right to say is the person going through that suffering. There are treatments but there is no cure for depression, it's a cancer of the mind.

 

[Alltheywanted]

I don't see how any reason to CTB could be invalid. Remember it's your life that belongs to you.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

I've described depression/suicidality like this for people before : Imagine you have a form of incurable cancer and you go through treatment and your condition improves for a time, but the cancer is still there and you know it will continue to come back again and again regardless. How much suffering does that person have to endure before we say it's ok for them to be rest and be at peace.

In most of our opinions, the only person who has a right to say is the person going through that suffering. There are treatments but there is no cure for depression, it's a cancer of the mind.

I think this is exactly what I wanted to explain to my therapist. I'm Autistic with several mental health problems and even if things may look positive to her, doesn't mean they feel that way to me. I personally feel that my brain wins every time and I'm just losing a battle that is destined to lose. There's not enough soldiers fighting on my side so naturally the invaders will win. Sometimes there are better periods but it never lasts long but I feel everyone gets annoyed and give up on me because my recovery isn't happening like they want it to.
Sorry for my ramble there

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Do you think it's valid to not have an exact logical reason to CTB?

I had a session with my therapist today and I was really honest about wanting to CTB. She said she didn't understand why I wanted to end my life when things are starting to look positive in her opinion. I couldn't really answer this as I still don't feel things seem positive as I still have a lack of support in my life. I feel more ready then I've felt before to CTB. I feel like ending my life will just finally put me at peace - like waving the white flag after fighting a long battle. Is it that bad that I feel suicide is the only way to accomplish this even without a logical reason (Or a reason that others can't understand?) Surely it's selfish to want the person to suffer so much everyday just so you can say that he is still alive.

Without knowing your whole story and why you wanna die it's difficult / almost impossible to give an objective answer. Any reason that makes us suicidal is a valid reason but the question is more like whether this can be solved or not in a way that is convenient to us the ones who are suffering.

Assuming from the nickname you chose your suicidal ideation may be a result of a genetic defect rather than from external circumstances. That is much more difficult to treat imo.

 

[Meteora]

I had a session with my therapist today and I was really honest about wanting to CTB. She said she didn't understand why I wanted to end my life when things are starting to look positive in her opinion

I m so sorry..... if she doesnt understand why she should first go back to school (or wherever) and learn to understand ppl who are suicidal. It s part of her fucking job. Try not to get involved in this manipulation. SHE is the therapist and has to support you for fuck's sake. That's what she gets payed for.

Yes, it is of course ok to ctb without a locigal reason. Suicide never has to be logical and maybe never is. It is highly subjective, obviously. And if your therapist doesn't understand that.... I would consider to change.
May I ask how old you are?

 

[rozeske]

As long as it is logical to me I believe it's valid enough. Why should I expect anyone else to validate my struggle and pain and my suicide plans when I am the only one who goes through the pain and the actual act of Killing myself and ending my life.

 

[UKscotty]

It's hard to tell if someone else's reason is valid or not.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

I m so sorry..... if she doesnt understand why she should first go back to school (or wherever) and learn to understand ppl who are suicidal. It s part of her fucking job. Try not to get involved in this manipulation. SHE is the therapist and has to support you for fuck's sake. That's what she gets payed for.

Yes, it is of course ok to ctb without a locigal reason. Suicide never has to be logical and maybe never is. It is highly subjective, obviously. And if your therapist doesn't understand that.... I would consider to change.
May I ask how old you are?

I am 23 years old. I've been thinking about changing therapist but the difficulty is I also need her to help me fight against disability services but at the same time she constantly invalidates my suicidality and trauma. I'm unsure what to do for the best. I know that I can't heal from her help but she does kinda help the Autism side of things.

 

[Meteora]

I am 23 years old. I've been thinking about changing therapist but the difficulty is I also need her to help me fight against disability services but at the same time she constantly invalidates my suicidality and trauma. I'm unsure what to do for the best. I know that I can't heal from her help but she does kinda help the Autism side of things.

That's so devastating. She should know the problems you face being autistic.... how else does she think your situation can improve?

 

[Abyssal]

Anyone who says no to this is an elitist asshole who thinks like an abuser. Well, I haven't read the replies so if one of them does make a good point then oops sorry not you.

It is our feelings that matter to us. Someone could say something as a joke that hurts your feelings, and no matter the intention that's what it did. Now, even if it's an accident, anyone decent would promise not to say things in the future meanwhile someone toxic would point the blame on you. Following the analogy?

It doesn't matter how we got here, what matters is that we are here and suffering. So yes, your feelings are valid. Not in a "yes go kill yourself" way but moreso that you are welcome here and nobody should doubt your suffering.

 

[LaughingGoat]

I think this is exactly what I wanted to explain to my therapist. I'm Autistic with several mental health problems and even if things may look positive to her, doesn't mean they feel that way to me. I personally feel that my brain wins every time and I'm just losing a battle that is destined to lose. There's not enough soldiers fighting on my side so naturally the invaders will win. Sometimes there are better periods but it never lasts long but I feel everyone gets annoyed and give up on me because my recovery isn't happening like they want it to.
Sorry for my ramble there

I relate to that completely, think a lot of us do. There's a reason people's first reaction to suicide by celebrities or people who seem "typical" is to be so surprised and say it was unexpected. You don't want to walk around being a black cloud to everyone, so unless you wear a shirt saying you want to kill yourself, it's going to look unexpected to most. Just the nature of things.

 

[SoulCage]

I am 23 years old. I've been thinking about changing therapist but the difficulty is I also need her to help me fight against disability services but at the same time she constantly invalidates my suicidality and trauma. I'm unsure what to do for the best. I know that I can't heal from her help but she does kinda help the Autism side of things.

I am sorry you can't leave her, because she sounds like she is trying to force something in your head that doesn't reflect you real feeling. This method is disgusting, I have also been a victim of it.

It's totally valid to think or to choose CTB if you don't want to suffer anymore, even if it's true what she is saying (that you situation has improved). Some people might struggle to understand your reasons, but remember: those people have never lived your life, have been taught or disciplined in a different and therefore cannot understand what you are going through.

 

[halleyscomet]

Yes.

Wether one lives or dies is a very personal choice, wether others find it valid or not is irrelevant and unhelpful.

It is not our business why or why not someone wants to ctb, all we can do is support and empathise with people no matter their circumstances and ensure that person has the best experience possible.

 

[CowardStaysIn]

Yes. This isn't about logic. It's your decision and your therapist is only going by what you've told her. And her training.

She doesn't have all the information (and isn't entitled to it btw), and she isn't with you all the time. And she's probably trying to get you to think your way out of wanting to CTB. Thing is, you can think/talk yourself into/out of anything.

 

[Papa Shinai]

Yes it is valid, I am not actively suffering or depressed but I still wanna die. The life is rigged from the start. The consciousness is a curse. Suicide actually makes sense. Everything was ok before I was born, but not now.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Thank you to everyone who has responded! This is exactly why I love the community as everyone here is so validating which I don't experience in my personal life. Coming here every day feels like getting a welcoming hug and somewhere where I finally feel accepted.

 

[Yuina]

It is valid, I think. You do not owe anyone an explanation for your own decisions. It's all a very personal matter and I can definitely relate to having people ask you why you want to CTB. I just think a lot of people don't get it, and only see it at a surface level. I think it's selfish to force someone else to live because you want them to. They're the ones who say suicide is selfish, though.

 

[AshersGirl]

What exactly is her magical criteria for a "valid" reason to want to die, in her opinion? Which is likely projection anyway.

Your feelings are valid.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

What exactly is her magical criteria for a "valid" reason to want to die, in her opinion? Which is likely projection anyway.

Your feelings are valid.

I honestly wonder this myself! I feel like she thinks that everything has to look terrible in that persons life to everyone else or that suicidal people would never talk to anyone about it which is what she's told me in the past. Unfortunately I think she's very old fashioned in some ways but she does has a good understanding of Autism. I just can't afford to have two therapists.

 

[xinino]

Certainly you don't need valid reasons to do anything, it's just brain tricks. Modernity is so great

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sounds to me more like you do have reasons but your therapist isn't seeing things from your perspective. People can have those that care about them in their lives but, maybe that support isn't somehow enough. In a way, I actually think it's worse to have people around us that worry about us but aren't good at supporting us on an emotional or even a practical level sometimes. Then, it can feel more like they're tethers here rather than pillars of support.

I think most people do have a reason they want to kill themselves. Even if it's that they feel so unhappy and get so little joy from life. What makes us happy or unhappy is down to personal preference and perception. Some people seem content with very little. Others seemingly have it all and yet still suicide.

Is it even reasonable to insist a person should be happy with their lot in life? Is there a standard set of requirements that- once you reach them, it's no longer reasonable to say you want to kill yourself? I don't think I could stand a therapist who tells me what I should feel about my life.