do you feel guilty towards your family for wanting to CTB?

[dkrw]

please share your thoughts

 

[DarknessInMe]

I do feel really guilty for being suicidal towards my family, however, I don't think it is, at least not entirely, my fault that I feel this way. As far as I can estimate that, nearly everybody in my situation would want to ctb.
My family is the main reason why the decision to ctb was so difficult for me before. I just wish they could see that I'm only a burden to them.

 

[Havnis]

I don't think they owe me anything.

 

[tankapi]

Not so much towards my family who I'm not close to. But I feel very guilty about my "found family" that are all distressed by how I'm feeling.

 

[dkrw]

Not so much towards my family who I'm not close to. But I feel very guilty about my "found family" that are all distressed by how I'm feeling.

"found family" over blood ties

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I just feel disgusted by how people procreate in the first place. Suicide is a human right which why it's so incredibly unacceptable and hellish how we exist in such an anti-suicide society with so many against the personal choice to die. I never would have chosen something so undesirable as existence, suicide is all that feels rational to me as I have no interest in suffering until old age.

 

[dkrw]

In my case I just feel disgusted by how people procreate in the first place. Suicide is a human right which why it's so incredibly unacceptable and hellish how we exist in such an anti-suicide society with so many against the personal choice to die. I never would have chosen something so undesirable as existence, suicide is all that feels rational to me as I have no interest in suffering until old age.

still, even you are the child of two people

 

[worthIess]

i was forced into existence, i was forced into my family, so no lol

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, I don't feel guilty. I will admit that, despite my parents being asian, they tried their best to parent me (of course their best isn't enough as they are still so painfully normie.. though it wouldn't matter if they weren't). Nonetheless, I don't feel guilty because this is on them for giving birth to me in the first place. If they didn't want to experience grief over losing their offspring... maybe they shouldn't have procreated to begin with. This is all on them for giving birth to me in the first place

i was forced into existence, i was forced into my family, so no lol

Exactly!

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Very much yes. I feel guilty that I'm leaving my brother to deal with our elderly parents by himself. I feel gut-wrenchingly awful that I'm going to traumatize my husband. I hate this.

 

[Forveleth]

My family is half the reason I'm here. So, no.

 

[BlazingBob]

My family is half the reason I'm here. So, no.

Same here. I don't give a how my suicide will affect them. I have no relationships with any blood relatives and it's not for lack of trying.

 

[statue]

In my opinion, their grief is their's to deal with, my life is mine to deal with. I do sympathies with the theoretical grief they feel but ironically enough that's life. We'll all lose people, grief comes for us all blah blah blah, you either carry on or you don't. No one owes anyone closure, tht's something internal. Can't be making life choices this big based of other people's feelings. Ofc you can take them into account but at the end of the day it's personal and yours to do with what you wish. That's how I see it.

 

[divinemistress36]

My father yes he is a good man who has given me a lot and is full of integrity

 

[Kurai]

No I don't feel guilty, I don't think they would care anyway

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Yes, because they're going to blame themselves. Part of me is bitter and wants them to blame themselves but a wiser, more mature part of me just wants the cycle of suffering to end and for everyone to be okay. It's not going to be okay no matter what and I hate it. I'm also worried about my cats and if everyone will be too distraught to take care of them. I hate it so much.

Not to mention, my friends who have tried to help me. They don't deserve it.

 

[Pancake1230]

Not really. I've only known my bio family and have been living with them for about 3 years now, but I've been suicidal for about 10. They're not the worst family I've been with, but they do shitty things alot, the only one I'd feel bad for afterwords is my lil brother. But I'm not really close to any of them. Or to better phrase it, I don't love them the way they love me. If that makes sense.

I know they'll probably be sad, but it'll go away. Everyone dies someday, it's just a matter of when.

 

[AnonThinker]

The only reason I haven't ctb over the last 25yrs is because of my mom. It would destroy her as I'm her only child. And as a single parent, it was us against the world. She has always done her best for me and I would feel incredibly guilty if I ctb and left her to suffer.

The reason I know she would suffer is because years ago, she was on a sleeping tablet that gave her very vivid dreams. She couldn't always tell the difference between a dream and reality. One of the dreams was that I'd died. She had such a breakdown, and wouldn't believe my step-father when he told her that I'm alive and hadn't died. It took me talking on the phone to her for her to believe I wasn't dead and she was beyond hysterical. I know she'd probably ctb if I did. I know I'm the reason she has never ctb or attempted to.

So I'm waiting for her to go and then I'll ctb. I have family and friends. But I wouldn't feel guilty about them.

 

[Saucy_Shark]

please share your thoughts

Omg YES! A thousand times, yes.

Mostly my kids. I have a son who will be 18 in June and a daughter who will be 17 in July
of course it would devastate both of them but it would really fuck my daughter up and that's why I'm still here. But lately it's been so bad I'm not sure if it's enough

 

[iknowwhatyouredoing]

i have a lot of guilt about it, every time i think about how it might effect my family i burst into tears.

I had a dream that always stuck with me, in it i was about to ctb via full suspension hanging in my room, the moment i kicked out the chair my brother appeared in the hallway and locked eyes with me and i woke up immediately after. i still think about it often even though that was 8 years ago

 

[Abyssal]

Used to, but the pain has numbed me to the consequences of my actions. I'm a shitty daughter and I'll die that way.

 

[silentcicada]

I only feel bad about the financial burden it would cause. They'll get over me, but can they get over the debt it'll bring?

 

[everythingoes]

I feel a bit guilty, yeah.
I feel guilty for all the money they've invested in raising me just for me to never amount to anything. They could've invested that money in anything else and it would've been better.
I feel guilty because they'll have to deal with the aftermath, like my burial/cremation (hopefully they respect my wishes and it's cremation), informing my workplace, relatives and everyone else, endure people's reactions, etc… Thank god I have a few thousand saved and they won't have to spend a penny from their pockets, at least I'll save them the financial trouble.
I feel guilty because obviously it'll be shocking, probably traumatising for them. I worry about possibly affecting their performance at work. My mom has started a new job recently and she seems happy, she seems to be really enjoying it. My brother is also doing well in school, I hope his grades won't be affected. I know they'll be sad, it's normal, but I also know they'll be better off without me in the long term. I'm a fucking failure and a burden, they'll have to feel relieved at some point.

 

[dental]

most of my family, not really (they've directly contributed to my being suicidal for years and years), but the one huge exception is my brother. he's a true friend to me and i know that i'm basically his only support system, and the fear that he won't be able to cope with my death has always been the largest thing holding me back. i'm still in this dilemma, honestly. i do really and truly want death, but i feel like i'd have to find some way to get him to accept that fact too before i go through with it.

even if i know i won't feel the guilt afterwards, it's always enough to hold me back before the fact. which is hard.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Only a little bit, but not enough to make me stop.

 

[Dark Moon]

I feel a bit guilty because at least my mum cares about me, my sister has said that she loved me as well but at the same time I didn't choose to be born and I'm not in a good place right now.

 

[derpyderpins]

Somewhat because it would absolutely kill my mom.

I feel more guilty towards the people outside my family I've chosen to involve myself with.

 

[sukiduki]

no, they are fine without me. they have their own lives and are busy enough, if anything when i kill myself it will just be a minor annoyance to clear out my belongings but other than than that my life doesn't have a daily impact on anyone i care about.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

no, they are all better off without me. i'm just a casual reminder to all of them that life is nothing but misery. it doesn't matter what they say to get me out of my thoughts, that's all it is. they just don't want blood on their hands.

the only thing i worry about is my dad blaming my mother for it, because he's always been critical of how she raised me and thinks if i had stayed with him then i wouldn't be like i am now which is just...not true. i told my mom when i do ctb, to tell my dad it was an accident. while she has contributed to a handful of my suffering, she also suffered enough and is still suffering by having me around at all still. so i do not want my dad to make it like it's her fault alone.

aside from that, i don't care. they will forget me anyway.

this applies to friends too. they barely know i even exist at all so my death will just be seen as if i suddenly just permanently "logged off".

 

[chewychocolate]

I feel bad for wanting to ctb because my parents have put a lot of their effort into making sure i get better, but i dont want to keep living either. either continue with life or cbt, ill end up as a burden to them anyways