ForgottenAgain
On the rollercoaster of sadness
- Oct 17, 2023
- 570
Yesterday I had my first appointment with the MH Community team's psychiatrist. It was a bit more than 2 hours where I basically retold my whole life story and discovered that the Crisis Team had taken my history wrong on some parts.
Contrary to the Crisis team psychiatrist who only cared whether I wanted to die or not, this one was concerned for the fact that I had years of hearing voices when I was a late teen and that from October last year I had hallucinations and delusions. She said the return of psychotic symptoms was significant and that I could have a relapse.
We talked about the medication I was given from the Crisis team (200mg Sertraline and 3mg Risperidone) and how it made me gain weight, killed my emotions and ruined my libido therefore killing the intimate relationship with my boyfriend. I told her I stopped the meds cold turkey because of this, and because I was abandoned by the Crisis team and had no psychiatrist afterwards. She scolded me for stopping the meds, even though that's what saved my intimate relationship and having had sex again having made me feel a bit better
Because of this she suggested me taking Aripiprazole and Vortioxetine. I asked to read the side effects before agreeing to be medicated, to which she reacted in a negative way, annoyed and quickly telling me to call back today if I want the meds.
For context, I haven't had psychotic symptoms for almost 2 months now, and I've been off the meds for that time. I'm very sad, I cry every day and I passively think about suicide, obviously I know that isn't normal but since the experience with the previous meds I'm left wondering if these meds are worth it. What are they supposed to do to me? With the previous meds I didn't feel happy, I felt numb, is that much better than being sad? What am I getting in exchange here?
It may sound dumb but I also think about the ocasional gin I like to drink, which gives me around 2 hours of happiness. Do I really want to give that up for...being numb? I read through the side effects of one of the meds, the majority of them don't even have a category (common, uncommon, rare, etc) they just say it can't be measured.
Has anyone taken these meds? How was your experience? With so many people here having life long consequences from meds I became scared...and I guess I may be preferring the devil I know rather than the one I don't...
Contrary to the Crisis team psychiatrist who only cared whether I wanted to die or not, this one was concerned for the fact that I had years of hearing voices when I was a late teen and that from October last year I had hallucinations and delusions. She said the return of psychotic symptoms was significant and that I could have a relapse.
We talked about the medication I was given from the Crisis team (200mg Sertraline and 3mg Risperidone) and how it made me gain weight, killed my emotions and ruined my libido therefore killing the intimate relationship with my boyfriend. I told her I stopped the meds cold turkey because of this, and because I was abandoned by the Crisis team and had no psychiatrist afterwards. She scolded me for stopping the meds, even though that's what saved my intimate relationship and having had sex again having made me feel a bit better
Because of this she suggested me taking Aripiprazole and Vortioxetine. I asked to read the side effects before agreeing to be medicated, to which she reacted in a negative way, annoyed and quickly telling me to call back today if I want the meds.
For context, I haven't had psychotic symptoms for almost 2 months now, and I've been off the meds for that time. I'm very sad, I cry every day and I passively think about suicide, obviously I know that isn't normal but since the experience with the previous meds I'm left wondering if these meds are worth it. What are they supposed to do to me? With the previous meds I didn't feel happy, I felt numb, is that much better than being sad? What am I getting in exchange here?
It may sound dumb but I also think about the ocasional gin I like to drink, which gives me around 2 hours of happiness. Do I really want to give that up for...being numb? I read through the side effects of one of the meds, the majority of them don't even have a category (common, uncommon, rare, etc) they just say it can't be measured.
Has anyone taken these meds? How was your experience? With so many people here having life long consequences from meds I became scared...and I guess I may be preferring the devil I know rather than the one I don't...
