I started HRT and things improved. I even started running. But things are back to square one and I'm thinking I need to just get this done. I have nothing to look forward to so what am I waiting for?
I'm sorry that you received some hope only to be let down. That is soul-crushing. I have similar thoughts, what am I waiting for? Clearly life is showing me that it's not meant for me. But I need to try the rest of these treatments. If all goes poorly, I'll be out of here early next year or end of this year.
Inertia with life in general also fear of failure and the experience. Especially failure because that would come with horrible consequences and it would royally suck to go through something unpleasant just to not reach the desired goal
I understand that too well. I truly hope anyone who gets to the point of CTB, is able to do so peacefully and with ease and successfully. If you came to the point of CTB, life had already destroyed you enough. I hope one day people make assisted suicide more accessible/less taboo
I live with family and I'm hardly ever alone for very long. If all goes according to plan I should be able to soon enough though
I live with family too, my plan is to get a hotel room when I'm ready so my family won't see me. I hope you get the chance to be away from your family soon. I pray you get the peace you deserve in whatever form that is
Waiting propanolol and meto. But I'm not going to do that as soon as they arrive. I'm going to wait a while, maybe until the end of this year.
that sounds like a good idea, tbh another couple months isn't too much of a wait. I hope you find some peace
si
edit: for years i've only had reasons to ctb. im not holding out for anything, my moron brain is just using si to try and convince my body that life's worth living
it isn't worth living, not even for a damned second
I obviously don't know the depth of ur situation but I hope you finally get your peace. Living in limbo of not being able to die and not wanting to live is a terrible place to be. I feel like I'm there right now
Had it since January of this year and everyday of this year I was ideating and contemplating but I can't physically go through the motions. The closest I've gotten to using the SN was back in July when I started the 48 hour meto regime but I didn't take the SN when it was time to take it. I don't really know what's holding me back, it's not anything conscious that I can verbalize.
That breaks my heart. I'm sorry you feel so stuck. It seems unexplainable tbh and mostly survival instinct. But when you are truly ready, you'll be able to do it. It might just not be your time yet. Maybe there's more for you to still do in this world?
