Why Do You Stop Yourself

[EOL4ME]

Honest answers ...... why do you stop yourself from CTB? Fear of what's on the "other side" .... fear of pain .... fear of being physically damaged and still not gone? Maybe thinking things will get better ..... a.k.a. hope? What adds to these fear(s) and what helps calm them down? So many people have bought their supplies/method and planned, but then do nothing. This is not promoting a decision either way .... just asking.

 

[Life_and_Death]

for me its simply a case of i dont want to die. my mental disorders, that i seem to have been born with looking back at my behavior, theyre just fucked up and dont leave me with much of a choice. i actually love life and theres a lot of hobbies and things i love doing and want to do.

 

[CrappyMJ]

My fear of being social. If it wasn't for that I would have been dead long ago. I can't even go out and buy a rope. I have to use an old ass rope that already failed on me one time.

It's funny that the thing that makes me want to die also keeps me away from dying.

 

[death137]

Fear of pain but I know this can be overcomed if there is a huge desperation and I'm getting there. This one time I was feeling very desperate my attempt landed me in a hospital and psych ward. I did my best to die that day but the pain was too much and I had the option to back out so I did that. But next time I plan to use a reliable method so I'm confident I will succeed.

 

[S like suicide]

Fear of pain but I know this can be overcomed if there is a huge desperation and I'm getting there. This one time I was feeling very desperate my attempt landed me in a hospital and psych ward. I did my best to die that day but the pain was too much and I had the option to back out so I did that. But next time I plan to use a reliable method so I'm confident I will succeed.

can I ask you what kind of method did you choose?

 

[death137]

My fear of being social. If it wasn't for that I would have been dead long ago. I can't even go out and buy a rope. I have to use an old ass rope that already failed on me one time.

It's funny that the thing that makes me want to die also keeps me away from dying.

I feel you. I've also social anxiety and it took me many months to find the courage to buy my current rope. The day I bought it and returned home I felt like I won a war.

can I ask you what kind of method did you choose?

I tried to cut my carotid artery.

 

[Susan472]

Lack of means to do it easily ie painlessly/with zero discomfort and my mood changing back and forth between feeling I cant stand things a minute longer then feeling things aren't as bad.

I'd rather carry on than mess it up and end up in hospital as the more people in the mix the worse it would be.

If I focus on all the negative memories my brain can start churning out I can easily think I've had enough

If I talk to a friend and focus outwards on mundane day to day life type stuff I can feel better

I find day to day life stuff - housework etc very boring though and find it very hard to motivate myself to focus on it even though ironically it makes me feel
better when doing it

 

[S like suicide]

I tried to cut my carotid artery.

That's very difficult!I'm sorry for your pain, I know despair...:(

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I haven't currently stopped myself. I already know for a fact that I'm going to CTB by taking SN next year once I've experienced every movie, show, and game that I'm interested in by that year.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I haven't currently stopped myself. I already know for a fact that I'm going to CTB by taking SN next year once I've experienced every movie, show, and game that I'm interested in by that year.

Not to postpone your ctb but what if you find other/more stuff you're interested in?

 

[CharlieBrown]

Scared of the finality of the decision. Scared of what it would do to my mother.

 

[ClownMe]

I haven't attempted to ctb yet. I've promised that I wont do it until my dog passes away.

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

I haven't attempted to ctb yet. I've promised that I wont do it until my dog passes away.

I'm sorry if this seems cheeky, but what would you do if you owned a turtle?

 

[signifying nothing]

I'm sorry if this seems cheeky, but what would you do if you owned a turtle?

Make turtle soup?

 

[Symbiote]

Stubborn don't give up attitude and too stupid to know when to just quit so that others can stop suffering.

 

[ClownMe]

I'm sorry if this seems cheeky, but what would you do if you owned a turtle?

Probably sounds bad, but id just ctb whenever i pleased (sorry turtles). the only reason im willing to wait for my dog is because they have shorter life spans in the grand scheme of things and mine is already 13 in human years so I guess im not really wasting unnecessary years that I don't have any desire to live because im still relatively young (20).

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Not to postpone your ctb but what if you find other/more stuff you're interested in?

It's possible but at least I know for a fact that the MOST interesting possible things will already be out by mid 2022.

Of course E3 is coming up soon so I might have stuff to worry about...

 

[cytokinestorm]

I'm trying to help my kids gain some independence and then they won't need me anymore. It's a struggle because they are neurodiverse and have their own struggles.

I keep thinking about doing full suspension hanging, but I'm scared I mess it up and end up like a vegetable. I used to nurse people who were in that state and it wasn't pretty. I think messing up is my biggest fear.

 

[Bedrock48]

Fear of the dying process mainly. Other than that, fear of the damage my leaving will cause to others.

I guess also a lot of the time I'm holding onto hope that life will improve even though every time my life has "improved", my quality of life really hasn't changed that much. Mental illness just stops me from really enjoying life.

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

Make turtle soup?

"If life gives you lemons, make turtle soup."

Probably sounds bad, but id just ctb whenever i pleased (sorry turtles). the only reason im willing to wait for my dog is because they have shorter life spans in the grand scheme of things and mine is already 13 in human years so I guess im not really wasting unnecessary years that I don't have any desire to live because im still relatively young (20).

The oldest known dog was an Australian dog that lived to see his 29th birthday, so you might still have same waiting to do...
On a serious note, 20 is indeed very young; I'm only 24 myself, so I resolved to wait a few more years before I start to prepare anything for my "departure".

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Methods are shitty, no impending physical pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me personally, I want to leave this world and the thought of no longer being here brings me so much comfort. I think it is just so hard to die, I am worried about failing a method and being left with the consequences and many methods depend on overcoming survival instinct. If there was an guaranteed peaceful method that I could access I would have left ages ago.

 

[WornOutLife]

Scared of death? Not at all. If there's a hell waiting for me, I'm already living in one so, not a big difference.

Scared of destroying the lives of those who love me? YES!!!!

If I ctb, I will literally destroy my dad's life and he might live without really really living.
I think he could even have a heart-attack or stroke once he finds out I've ctb.
I can't do that to him so, I'm trying, really trying, to give life one more shot but this will be the last one.

 

[DeathNoot]

I'm waiting for the scales to tip. I'm okay with life as it is for the moment, it's the future sooner or later that will be unbearable. So I'm remaining in limbo.

 

[Pen>Sword]

Hell as an afterlife is one thing. Failure to CTB is another thing.

One thing that really prevents me to CTB is because of my family's hawkish eyes. They have an idea of my suicidal ideation, so they kept an eye of me. They love me unconditionally, which is both a gift and a curse. A gift because I have a supportive family who makes tremendous sacrifice for me. A curse because I can't leave this world. My best option right now is to pray for a freak accident to die, or have some kind of suddent death or undetected terminal illness. Suicide will just break their heart because they'll think that they're bad parents who has failed to raise their child. They've done tremendous job. I don't want my suicidal action to cause their depression.

 

[UKscotty]

Because I am too much of a coward to get it done.
We all know deep down that life is completely meaningless and pointless but ending it is against our instinct to survive.
The actual act of death is easy and any of us could be dead 10 mins from now using things in the home so the delays of looking for new and better methods is just BS and the reality is that maybe part of me does not want to die.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

I'm scared of failing, making my situation even worse.
And death sounds almost too good to be true, even tho it's probably irrational, the prospect of being reborn is fucking terrifying to me. I'm not religious or anything but I can't help but worry about what's next... the uncertainty of it all absolutely sucks.

 

[rotten]

Someone threatened to do the same if I ever decided to ctb. I really don't want to be responsible for another person's death.

 

[Bullit]

Many fears,but one that stands out,and I am only referring to meself!!!,is that when I ctb it will be like getting a lifetime report card with a giant fat F! Failure! Loser!
Couldn't hack life.