Whenever I make a mistake or hurt/abuse someone I want to die

[Water-Lily]

Yeah I know it's manipulative, abusive, and shitty. But whenever I hurt someone I want to hurt myself. Mostly cause I escape the pain and in a fucked up way get pity

 

[bloomingdark]

I can relate, mostly because impulses and hate towards ourselves are really high we tend to do this... i am sorry to hear your hurting

if ever need to talk send me a message..,

Hugs

 

[Water-Lily]

I can relate, mostly because impulses and hate towards ourselves are really high we tend to do this... i am sorry to hear your hurting

if ever need to talk send me a message..,

Hugs

I hate myself so much I would pay someone to kill me

 

[Aloken]

Why is it manipulative, abusive and shitty if you genuinely feel this way? I'm tired of these labels, everything we do gets labelled "manipulative and abusive". No, if you genuinely feel this way when you hurt someone, then it's not manipulative and abusive. It's a natural reaction when you're already feeling suicidal. It's another kind of pain that push pushes you over the edge.

 

[Mentalmick]

It sounds like a pretty natural reaction.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

This is a true story. Duh.

When I was hospitalized (for demolishing my room) my brother came to visit. I was in a bad place, angry at the whole world. We fought. And then I said something I will not repeat here, something a brother should never say. Just to give you a hint on how bad it was - it involved his son.

He got up in shock and rushed out of the room. It took me a second to realize what I've just said. This is how you lose your brother. I ran after him, screaming his name across the hallway. A nurse already unlocked the door for him and he was half-way out. He didn't look at me, but I could see he was crying.

Just then, anger took over and I lost it. If I could just tell him I love him. He was gone and I thought I'd never see him again. But even without this fear, I was so revolted by my actions I couldn't cointain the feeling that I deserve a good beating. So I punched myself as hard as I could. Right in the face. Had the biggest black-eye for two weeks.

And you know what, I still think I deserved it.