Discussion What’s stopping you from ctb?

[kmlk13]

Hey so i've had my ups and downs, tried catching the bus a couple of times (failed mostly due to SI). I've been wondering what are the things that keep me alive, keep me from finally going through, and I'd say that the main reason is my family and not wanting to disappoint them.

How about you? Why don't you ctb now? What's stopping you?

 

[dreamcatcher90]

The fact that I don't have my sn yet, placed an order. Hopefully, it will arrive.

 

[wanttodie12345]

Not wanting to fail and lack of resources to ensure success

 

[hellworldprincess]

I find it really hard to obtain any substance that would have a high enough chance of ending me while being relatively painless.
Also I feel guilty for leaving my partner and like two or three other people behind. That stops me from actually spending the time to do in depth research on how to get SN or something.

 

[kinderbueno]

Survival instinct and not living by myself. Also the fact I don't have SN yet and I don't know where to get anti emetics from

 

[FuneralCry]

I should have died a while ago but really I never should have suffered in this existence at all, if only I had the option of a painless death like never waking again then this cruel, painful existence that has only ever caused me to suffer would be long forgotten about. But tragically that is not the reality and instead I'm trapped in this existence I never would have chose, wishing for the peace that only eternal nothingness can bring.

 

[thebelljarrr]

Don't have means yet & not living alone.

 

[Priestess]

I'm disabled after caner and a stroke. I can't use my left side properly and I find it difficult to concentrate on things now. I really needd help with it but dignitas costs £15K.

 

[3/4Dead]

Don't have means yet & not living alone.

Ditto

 

[iset res]

Honestly, I think it's instinct, and I'm not sure how to get over it. I tried to hang myself last night, but I just couldn't and I wish I knew why fully. The skin under my eyes is all bloody from last night. /:
Any tips for conquering that fear/instinct would be amazing.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Currently, I'm not very suicidal. Otherwise, fear of failure, actually not wanting to die.

 

[GuessWhosBack]

It's just a matter of time for me, should be over with by February.

 

[Tommen Baratheon]

Procrastination? It needs to be perfect, no chance for errors. I need to be 200% sure that it'll work. Or maybe I'm just fooling myself, that I don't really want to ctb.

 

[Agon321]

Fear and uncertainty.
Also the thought of death is something completely abstract to me.
I can't imagine that I could just die and lose everything I know.
Death is a mysterious path and I'm afraid of what I will meet at the end of it.

 

[lostsoul2050]

My dog went missing over a month ago and I need to continue to look for her. She was the one thing keeping from cbt and now I'm kind of stuck. Not knowing where she is so painful and makes me want to cbt more but I can't in case she turns up.

 

[Fennec123]

I think the reason I haven't CTB yet is because I stupidly keep thinking "maybe things will turn around" and then I find a sliver of positivity... and I ride that for a while.... but reality soon comes back and I realise that things are basically hopeless and this world truly is an awful, corrupt joke.

I have all the equipment I need, so that's how the issue.

Hopefully I'll come to my senses and get it over with before the year is out. I need to end this existence

 

[CantDoIt]

SI, unfinished business, and probably thinking about how family and friends will react.

 

[iloveduster]

SI and lack of resources

 

[jyko]

Don't have my SN yet (hoping it arrives) as well as needing to order testing strips and any kind of ae, aside from that, pure SI at this point, which I'm slowly getting over anyway. also just,,, logistics lmao. Earning bits of side cash enough to order a decent stay at a hotel cause no way am I ctb at home

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

For me it's due to my long term partner. We have been together for over a decade. A couple years ago his mother passed away. She was the last of his family. I don't want to leave him abandoned. I value our relationship , but sometimes I resent it for holding me here. I also don't having a method sorted out

 

[pleaseiwanttogo]

I changed my meds and I'm not feeling so hopeless anymore. I still want to CTB, but not as strongly as before. It's weird. It's like I can bear some more months to see some things happening, can enjoy my father and family a bit more, hang out with friends, be drunk and stupid a few more times... For just a few more months it's bearable, so I'm still here. For as silly as it sounds, I want to do and enjoy the little things a couple more times, like having ice cream at my favorite place. Unfortunately tho I'm not feeling so good all the time and I'm not actually enjoying that much, it's a limbo of not being happy but not feeling bad enough to CTB. That why I'm still here (both breathing and visiting this website). Anyways, if there's still something good for you here, maybe it's not time to catch the bus, but it's your choice, it's your life.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Hey so i've had my ups and downs, tried catching the bus a couple of times (failed mostly due to SI). I've been wondering what are the things that keep me alive, keep me from finally going through, and I'd say that the main reason is my family and not wanting to disappoint them.

How about you? Why don't you ctb now? What's stopping you?

I've written before about my story and how I was the victim of crimes whilst in medical school by the medical school. That led me to where I am. There's a small dimming light that justice however it may look may be reached at some point. Hopefully restoring my life to me as best as possible. But everyday that goes by I realize it is another days stolen from me that I may never get back. If I do get justice it's another day I didn't get to spend with my future wife, kids, enjoying life. Instead it's spent essentially homeless, basically starving, in shit conditions, as a nerdy autistic white kid in the middle of gang terroritory where shootings are common. It's also knowing my "family" basically disowned me and I have no friends. Furthermore, it's knowing after spending my life trying to heal people studying to be an oncologist, president of the oncology research group for example no one was there to help fight for me. So you have some shred of hope but even that hope gets further tarnished and shredded everyday.

 

[DeathSleep]

Fear of failure and how that could make my life so much worse if I survive. It can always get worse.
Fear of making it through the moments of discomfort before finally dying.
Fear of the unknown. Whatever happens or doesn't happen after death. I wish I had the faith that some people have.
Basically I'm full of fear I guess. Of course my reasons outweigh these things. But these things do make me hesitate.

 

[FrownyFace]

For one, I'm really scared of failing. I do not want permanent side effects from surviving.
Two, I have no idea where to get the successful things..or the money for them. I don't have enough confidence or brain for browsing under secret web browsers and crypto currency.
And for two, while I despise my life, I really enjoy looking forward to releases from my favorite singer.

 

[cowboypants]

I have everything for the SN method. I prolly would have done it before if I were alone. My SI is pretty high. And I think I have time until I fully run out of money. I feel like enjoying the food and stuff. That's keeping my alive. But I hate being alive and being a failure basically yet I live on

 

[DanielDanDean]

I'm too afraid about failing.
Everything needs to be perfect, I need to buy everything without my "girlfriend" noticing.
Living is painful but I flinched when trying to jump from and 8 storey building..

 

[abchia]

1. i'm rarely alone for many hours, family is always around
2. i don't want to leave one specific person behind
3. my AE thats been stuck in customs for over a month

 

[pulmonarydead]

it's childish but season 2 of arcane is keeping me alive until november, that is literally the only reason i'm holding on at the moment lol

 

[yvesapple]

Hey so i've had my ups and downs, tried catching the bus a couple of times (failed mostly due to SI). I've been wondering what are the things that keep me alive, keep me from finally going through, and I'd say that the main reason is my family and not wanting to disappoint them.

How about you? Why don't you ctb now? What's stopping you?

can't find sn anywhere in the us without a business :( im going crazy!!!

it's childish but season 2 of arcane is keeping me alive until november, that is literally the only reason i'm holding on at the moment lol

so truee lol i love caitlyn

 

[Darkover]

the inhumane government in the uk