Discussion What’s it like for those who have autism?

[tb1998]

I just wondered how it feels to be autistic, because I've been worried for so long that it maybe the case for me. What makes me think otherwise is seeing people with severe autism around me and realising that I behave differently too that ?
Thank you to those who feel able to comment.

 

[FuneralCry]

That simply existing is painful for me and that I'm not meant to suffer in this cruel, torturous existence, I truly never should have existed at all and more than anything I wish I never did.

 

[Glenferd666]

I just wondered how it feels to be autistic, because I've been worried for so long that it maybe the case for me. What makes me think otherwise is seeing people with severe autism around me and realising that I behave differently too that ?
Thank you to those who feel able to comment.

Well I wasn't diagnosed as a child, however later in life other people started to notice I was different.

I am now fully diagnosed, which has helped, but not fully. For example, I still experience sensory issues, have a specific routine, I get accused of being rude when I'm not, etc.

Secondly, I also suffer with social anxiety and drink to calm these nerves or mask my autism.

 

[tb1998]

That simply existing is painful for me and that I'm not meant to suffer in this cruel, torturous existence, I truly never should have existed at all and more than anything I wish I never did.

I get that, I feel uncomfortable all the time and overwhelmed. Like everything's to much, but this is always when I leave the house. I feel as though at home I'm in a little bubble of safety. That's where I can truly be me and pain free.
I truly am sorry that you feel it that intensely.

Well I wasn't diagnosed as a child, however later in life other people started to notice I was different.

I am now fully diagnosed, which has helped, but not fully. For example, I still experience sensory issues, have a specific routine, I get accused of being rude when I'm not, etc.

Secondly, I also suffer with social anxiety and drink to calm these nerves or mask my autism.

I always question why I can't do things other people do? Such as making friends, small talk, eye contact, socialising. Being on my own when I leave the house, why I panic at being perceived because it's so uncomfortable and intimate?
I actually heard on Tik-T someone said they drink to calm symptoms of autism and social anxiety. That's how they get by, it's such a shame.
I wish it wasn't so consuming for yourself/ them and others. Thank you for replying to the thread.

 

[Madison98]

It's like no matter how hard I try to do anything I can never quite see things in the same way as neurotypical people. I feel like I have to work 10 time harder to function, especially social. I still don't understand social interactions much I just have simple learned how to identify certain indicators and how I should respond to them to seem normal. I have never known a day without anxiety.

 

[gonegal95]

I feel so incompatible with being alive that I'm objectively a drain on society, and worse, everyone in my life. I don't think autism causes suicidality. I know many happy autistics, who have support. But autism can make life really difficult. I really can't take it anymore. I'm uncomfortable at almost all times, not able to support myself, no support, isolated, and soon I'll be homeless. I feel like an uncanny human, who doesn't belong, and isn't accepted. There is nowhere to turn for autistic adults in most countries.

 

[tb1998]

It's like no matter how hard I try to do anything I can never quite see things in the same way as neurotypical people. I feel like I have to work 10 time harder to function, especially social. I still don't understand social interactions much I just have simple learned how to identify certain indicators and how I should respond to them to seem normal. I have never known a day without anxiety.

I hear this so much, the anxiety part especially! I guess things like this are great to socialise? Because being completely alone is the worst possible thing, but then being around people is so draining. Where as a forum you can just say whatever and not feel obligated to build a relationship with someone you know?
sending you love though.

I feel so incompatible with being alive that I'm objectively a drain on society, and worse, everyone in my life. I don't think autism causes suicidality. I know many happy autistics, who have support. But autism can make life really difficult. I really can't take it anymore. I'm uncomfortable at almost all times, not able to support myself, no support, isolated, and soon I'll be homeless. I feel like an uncanny human, who doesn't belong, and isn't accepted. There is nowhere to turn for autistic adults in most countries.

I guess feeling stuck and all the other bad feelings can make someone feel suicidal?
I know this won't make it any better for you, but I relate massively to the uncomfortable part. And being isolated and the not belonging part.
I defiantly think most people don't understand how hard it is to function daily by what seems like the most ' basic things'. I am fatigued a lot from getting up in the afternoon because I simply don't think any amount of sleep would cure my tiredness, but from getting up getting ready, doing the dishes cleaning up. I am literally about to fall asleep, my whole body aches and I just feel in my head foggy and when I lie down it all goes away and I literally flap my feet about haha. Just because it's relaxing! But the basic everyday things drain me, so when you add going to the shops doing small talk, or seeing a family member because you haven't in like a month into the mix. I need dayssss to recover. And for those who don't struggle with autism or similar issues things like this don't take a toll on them nor make sense? & that's why it's so important to recognise how hard it truly is. But I agree autism is just something that you've got and that's that, makes me sad. In ways I hope I find answers for myself when my appointment comes through but then I'm scared of the answers?
I'm sending you love honestly.