What is keeping you away from CTBing right now?

[Aelana]

For me it is my cat, a drawing of my classmate that I haven't finished yet, electro shock therapy in a couple months, trying to see just how fit I can become by working out, my moms grief if I were to die, the pavlova cake I'm gonna eat for my birthday in June, and some really good ectascy + LSD I'm gonna take in the not so far away future.

There are so many distractions, and they always seem to keep on coming with no end in sight. Though I'll probably just CTB one of these days anyway.

 

[AnestheticVoid]

Fear.

 

[hopelesscallgirl]

I honestly don't even know.

 

[whywere]

Watching a sunrise and sunset, beautiful. I have had 2 attempts, been locked up, boo on that, and have 24/7 chronic pain. Being 65, reference point, I have come to the conclusion that I like life with the help of the awesome folks here! and if and when my car crash injuries get to the point of either wheelchair bound or getting to the point of being bed ridden, will have to think about it.

Walter

 

[Justsogone]

Balls.
Maybe I don't have guts nor the resources right now

 

[Foresight]

My husband

 

[whywere]

My husband

You are such a loving, kind and caring spirit. Your one-word answer spoke so many volumes about life that your one-word post made me cry, LOVED IT!!!

Take care my awesome friend.

Walter

 

[Wrennie]

The fact that SN doesn't seem to work when you're drunk.

 

[Kristicide]

Nothing now. My SN arrived today

 

[Versailles]

My mother, the constant uncertainty and not having my N

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

A proper place I guess. Too scared and weak to go to a hotel. Otherwise I have everything with me.

 

[Shu]

Fear. The pain it's going to put on my family. Needing to find a good branch and something to step on/off and not having a proper rope. I'm using a cord and I think it will break.

 

[ClownMe]

Mostly just me being a coward and not wanting to leave my dog all alone.

 

[cleveland2011]

The reality is I don't want to die at all. My physical suffering is too much though. The disease will continue to progress. I have something's that can help short term and allow me to enjoy whatever I have left like Ativan, alcohol, booze.

But even on meds, booze- this unbeatable and progressing illness will ruin my life every second of every day. I will not be able to marry my best friend. I will never be able to work again. I will never be able to enjoy my passions of golf, skiing, exercise, and playing other sports.

With all that in hand, whats keeping me from dying is knowing I'll never be with my woman again. My dog. And my fear of the afterlife.

I want there to be something after this so badly. I'm far far from the norm here I see on this site. I love existence. I have had a crazy adulthood ranging from minor chronic illness to major for a short time then an incredible recovery where all I felt was peace, love, and happiness for a full year.

Then a minor relapse occurs… two years later it gets major the illness. Following year suicidal sickness completely rational to commit suicide at this point. My life is over.

But what is next. I want to play golf in the next world. I want the NDE stories, the mediums accurately portraying things… I want them all to be right.

Life is an amazing thing. I was blessed to live it until things got too bad. I want to hang on for fear of there not being anything else. And that's the scariest part. I love being… but being like this. I can't.

 

[demuic]

Antiemitic, a good place, and tying up a few loose ends/final experiences.

 

[ineedtoctb]

Haven't really decided on a method would like to find a way to get N or SN. Lost everything that I ever loved so what is the point of living each day in complete misery

 

[NSA]

There are so many distractions, and they always seem to keep on coming with no end in sight. Though I'll probably just CTB one of these days anyway.​

I sometimes wonder if it's my ADHD that's really keeping me alive.

 

[Messgram]

some of the few pleasures in life are making me live, besides being lazy to die.

Plus a false sense of hope -
Really the brain is very sophisticated and it can easily trick me into thinking that living is a good idea when clearly isn't, because I know that none of the pleasure i have worth the effort and everything will be in vain.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

I've lost everything keeping me here—my hopes, my dreams, my closest friend, and my ability to function.

-Being able to tie up loose ends, and proper knots. Seriously, I don't trust myself to not fuck things up.

-That I don't have a trustworthy noose and can't order a rope because I live at home. I don't have a driver's license so I can't go out and buy one; my family would be suspicious.

-That my attempt still wouldn't be foolproof—I live in very close quarters and my family would possibly notice even if I did it at 3am, because our bathroom is shared.

-I need to stay until the beginning of April so I can send a lovely soul's suicide note to her ex best friend, who unfortunately blocked her on everything. It's important to her, so it's important to me.

-I'm also lazy as hell and it getting out of bed. All I can do is sleep and cry over my failures these days.

Death no longer scares me, as my cycles are getting worse and worse. I'm twistedly happy about that, because it pushes me to do it. And once I do it, there's no room for fear or regret, just the void. I'm ready to go and I hope to be gone sometime before the end of June.

 

[StringPuppet]

my moms grief if I were to die

This is the only reason for me

 

[ncmxm]

Fucking ass hope for the better

And wanting to live out the rest of my 20s although I don't see how it will ever happen

 

[treetop.grazer]

Simply waiting for the opportunity to make it seem like an accident. Every day I'm being less and less careful in my daily life, but my ctb has to look accidental for my life insurance. That's the only reason

 

[TVtrays]

I can't fucking tie the knot correctly. Literally that's it.

 

[Murasa]

Get my affairs in order and finish the games my friends gave me for Christmas. I also wait for the right moment, I don't want my father to go to the trouble of bringing me food and find me dead.

 

[anxious_depressive]

Fear of failure / the afterlife.
Unfinished business.
Pity for the mother.

 

[Death is your gift]

like many of us, the fear to die... And the pain that will be endured by the relatives, my mother first...

But I have almost everything needed to attempt, so I hope to ctb before the summer. When I wilI be able to make up my mind about it.

 

[Darkover]

lack of money and lack of a quick easy method to leave thats bassicly it

 

[Bedrock48]

Keeping my promise, I told people I'm gonna fight it and that's what I'm doing. I won't be giving up until I'm absolutely spent.

 

[yive]

not having a safe place to ctb, fatigue, lack of energy

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, it is the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure. I am only still alive because suicide is so difficult. More than anything I wish it was easier to leave, I am tired of having to deal with this miserable existence. I just want to peacefully pass away.