Venting What do you tell yourself about your parents?

[Fire&Ash]

I have been socially isolated most of my life. Even my aunts uncles and cousins don't engage with me even with I try to talk to them. My older sister treats me like trash and my other sister doesn't understand my pain. I'll always wonder why people dislike me so much and why I'm always the excluded no matter how hard I try to reach out. I can get past that and accept they won't want me. It fuels me to die. What I can't convince myself it's ok to die is my parents. Even though I tell them why I'm depressed, and they don't take it seriously, my parents are the only people who treat me like I matter. That I'm human. But I want to die. My parents will die one day and I will be alone and I'll probably be worse off too. But everytime I go through my thoughts spiraling on why it's ok to die because of the isolation and pain, I think of my parents and how it could hurt them. Maybe even send them in an early grave. What do you tell yourselves when you love your parents, but your pain is too great to get past? How do you get past the guilt of not wanting to hurt them?

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה, as much as I have situations and opinions about this, if they still care about you, risk making the world a more liveable place while they're around to salvage you from fuck-ups. In USA this amounts to business, what with business being one of the few legally privileged activities anymore.