Discussion Wanting to ctb just to stop the thoughts

[Vicepuma]

I'm not 100% sure how to explain this, but does anyone else want to ctb just to stop the endless loop of intrusive thoughts?

I feel like, for years now, my life has been controlled by intrusive and obsessive thoughts. They just appear and get better or worse without my control. There have been good periods where I could resist them for a bit, but they're always around. Sometimes just a noise, a smell or a feeling is enough to trigger it.

I feel like they've gotten worse as I have gotten older and since life isn't getting any easier, the urge to ctb gets stronger. I'm not ashamed to say that there have been days where the very thought of suicide was the only positive thought I had.

I'm no longer living life. I'm just going through the days hoping my situation improves on its own. It's a cruel existence and sometimes the realization of this is enough to give me anxiety.

I often think about how it would be to be normal. I am envious of people just enjoying life. Wondering why it had to be me. Suffering like this.

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

I hate the constant thoughts too. I tryed even meditation, but it didn't help me. I just can't stop thinking and I also can't sleep well because of that.

I'm not living too, I'm just existing. Every day is like wake up, eat, sleep and again. I want to end this pointless loop.

 

[Last chance]

Yep,this is one of the main reasons I want to go. It's exhausting.

 

[WornOutLife]

Not being able to turn your brain and receiving so many random thoughts suck. It happened to me yesterday. I hate it.

 

[Canttakeitanymore]

I think about the same things the whole day everyday

 

[Superdeterminist]

Yes. For me it's an overwhelming feeling of just being fed-up 24/7. Like, let's just cut to the fucking chase and be done with it. Because, more or less every thought leads to the same negative feelings and desire to just die already. I've seen all that I need to see to conclude staying isn't for me.

 

[justsayin]

I'm not 100% sure how to explain this, but does anyone else want to ctb just to stop the endless loop of intrusive thoughts?

I feel like, for years now, my life has been controlled by intrusive and obsessive thoughts. They just appear and get better or worse without my control. There have been good periods where I could resist them for a bit, but they're always around. Sometimes just a noise, a smell or a feeling is enough to trigger it.

I feel like they've gotten worse as I have gotten older and since life isn't getting any easier, the urge to ctb gets stronger. I'm not ashamed to say that there have been days where the very thought of suicide was the only positive thought I had.

I'm no longer living life. I'm just going through the days hoping my situation improves on its own. It's a cruel existence and sometimes the realization of this is enough to give me anxiety.

I often think about how it would be to be normal. I am envious of people just enjoying life. Wondering why it had to be me. Suffering like this.

I'm not a doctor, but this sounds like the O part of OCD. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder can cause suicide ideation, and seems to be relatively common amongst forum members.
Welcome to the club, I guess. You might have a compulsion to go with your obsessions.
You may find it helpful to read about it, on and off the forum. Dealing with things is easier if you know what you are dealing with.

 

[Trisolaris]

Have you tried therapy? Medication?
My way of dealing with intrusive thoughts is to let them be. Somehow they disappear on their own. Once, I fought and tried to"squeeze" them out of my brain but it only made them stronger.

 

[disillusionment]

I'm sick of intrusive thoughts too. And the worst is that I've always had this belief that my negative thoughts are making bad things happen to other people. (A delusion to attribute to my mental illness I guess but I also sort of believe in manifesting? I think I've manifested both good and bad things). I have disturbing intrusive thoughts of bad things happening, and then when those same things happen immediately after to someone I love, I feel like it's all my fault and I'm bad luck to the people I care about. So I try harder to stop the intrusive thoughts, but the more you resist a thought, the more it will persist. I've tried meditation, and I do find it helpful, but it doesn't always work. When I'm doing really badly and having a lot of intrusive thoughts, meditation does nothing. So sometimes I just wanna ctb so that the thoughts will go away.