(Vent) I need the thoughts to stop

[VampQueen]

Im trying to move on from my past but it keep haunting me. Calling me back and giving me high anxiety and guilt. I fear that one day my past life will catch up to me. I will not be ready when it does. I wish I never met them or interacted with them. I wish I never did that stupid thing. Make the suffering stop.

 

[Sulyya]

Keep trying. You never know for sure what will happen or what you can overcome even if it's frightening. You can surprise yourself.

 

[emptyenvelopes]

I've been in your shoes and still feel the phantom pains you describe sometimes. The only way I got through it was by 1) building myself up and being sure of and proud of myself and 2) diy exposure therapy to the people/places that triggered the thoughts. They are both really hard and take time but little by little you will notice a change.

 

[burner4242]

Im trying to move on from my past but it keep haunting me. Calling me back and giving me high anxiety and guilt. I fear that one day my past life will catch up to me. I will not be ready when it does. I wish I never met them or interacted with them. I wish I never did that stupid thing. Make the suffering stop.

Well if you feel guilty about something that actually deserves to feel guilty about thats just your mind telling you you've changed and grown as a person. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much. After all you could possibly make whatever you did up to whomever. Maybe even a simple apology can help you feel better? We all have things we feel guilty for but it's what we do to ease those feelings.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

Im trying to move on from my past but it keep haunting me. Calling me back and giving me high anxiety and guilt. I fear that one day my past life will catch up to me. I will not be ready when it does. I wish I never met them or interacted with them. I wish I never did that stupid thing. Make the suffering stop.

I'm so sorry Queen. I don't know the particulars of your situation, but I deeply relate. I have lingering shame and regret about so many situations. Sometimes the feelings come up in the present through various behaviors - self-talk, self-harm, etc. This is text book definition of trauma responses.

Trauma is so hard. It lingers in various ways. Parts of us respond in various ways. There's no right way to respond.

For me a big part of learning to manage this is acknowledging we're dealing with this in multiple ways internally. Be present with yourself and be compassionate with yourself. Whatever mistakes that happened in the past happened, but we're here now able to be more and learn.

I'm sorry if that's cheesy or off-base. As this was posted in recovery I wanted to share the ways I've tried to manage these feelings myself.