annxietty
“Is there no way out of the mind?”
- Mar 27, 2023
- 145
Cant get an appointment with my psychiatrist so Im relying on Valium, which I can get plenty and I still have plenty, to overcome my anxiety and just forget... is like getting high, only thing is Im scared I will grow a tolerance for Valium and wont affect me anymore, now I take 2 valium at once and maybe half an hour later Im feeling it, If I take it multiple times a day I wake up the next day not quite remembering what I did last day, its like getting high...
If I keep this up will I start tolerating valium like the other meds and then stop feeling the effect? oh god, I read "My year of rest and relaxation" (a book) the other day, the main character has a psychiatrist that gives her any fucking med she wants, made me feel jealous, If I could contact my psychiatrist I could change my medication but Im unable to reach him, so Valium is all I have.
Also Im searching for a job and its draining me, thought I did a good job at the previous place I worked at (same business my sister works in) but my sister tells me everyone disliked me because I wasnt kind with customers, never received a complaint from any customer myself, or from any coworker, and the guy that hired me sent me like three emails saying he loved working with me and hopes he can hire me in the future and to tell him if I find something else because he is really looking out to hire me again soon... so I really love my sister, but wtf right? I told her I preferred working in customer service but if I can I want to avoid restaurants and food related places you know? she told me I needed to work on my attitude because Im rude asf with every customer... I asked her if she had recieved any other complaints about me and she said no, and I said "well Im glad my attitude didnt send anyone to therapy and everyone is ok" and then said "yeah Im not working in customer service you are right" and took three valiums, when you are talking with someone with no self esteem and you say these things what are you expecting to happen huh? Im totally going to my next job interview full of confidence thank you very much...
Also everytime I talk about me going to therapy she (my sister) constantly says "as long as YOU can afford it" bitch you dont even know how easy is to fall down the abyss I come from and fucking kill myself, dont worry I know Im the one paying, mind you my sister and her husband are not rich but they live GOOD, like money is not a problem at all, Ive never lived in a house where people had this kind of money and this kind of life...
If I keep this up will I start tolerating valium like the other meds and then stop feeling the effect? oh god, I read "My year of rest and relaxation" (a book) the other day, the main character has a psychiatrist that gives her any fucking med she wants, made me feel jealous, If I could contact my psychiatrist I could change my medication but Im unable to reach him, so Valium is all I have.
Also Im searching for a job and its draining me, thought I did a good job at the previous place I worked at (same business my sister works in) but my sister tells me everyone disliked me because I wasnt kind with customers, never received a complaint from any customer myself, or from any coworker, and the guy that hired me sent me like three emails saying he loved working with me and hopes he can hire me in the future and to tell him if I find something else because he is really looking out to hire me again soon... so I really love my sister, but wtf right? I told her I preferred working in customer service but if I can I want to avoid restaurants and food related places you know? she told me I needed to work on my attitude because Im rude asf with every customer... I asked her if she had recieved any other complaints about me and she said no, and I said "well Im glad my attitude didnt send anyone to therapy and everyone is ok" and then said "yeah Im not working in customer service you are right" and took three valiums, when you are talking with someone with no self esteem and you say these things what are you expecting to happen huh? Im totally going to my next job interview full of confidence thank you very much...
Also everytime I talk about me going to therapy she (my sister) constantly says "as long as YOU can afford it" bitch you dont even know how easy is to fall down the abyss I come from and fucking kill myself, dont worry I know Im the one paying, mind you my sister and her husband are not rich but they live GOOD, like money is not a problem at all, Ive never lived in a house where people had this kind of money and this kind of life...
