I-can-only-imagine
Student
- Apr 26, 2021
- 135
Hey guys.
So I am still here. I was found by my colleague the next morning blue, unconscious and on the verge of arrest. I was rushed to hospital where I spent 2 days on a ventilator as was not breathing on my own and 5 days in Intensive care. I also developed aspiration pneumonia and seratonin syndrome and temporary kidney damage that has resolved. then was transferred four hours away to the nearest available bed in a mental health ward, where I still am. Hopefully discharged in the next few days. They said an hour or so later and it would have been a different story.
I have been given the official diagnosis of BPD. I am still suicidal. I still want to self harm. Hell I made a crappy noise out of my pjs last night that is hidden away. BUT I have also been given a lifeline with work and offered a new position the other side of the state and right with my support network and so I am going to grab this with both hands and go with it. As it's often said, death is always there as an option.
I have no regrets about my attempt, some/maybe more than some remorse that i was found too soon. But it is what it is. I am willing to try and at the moment that is what is important. I will be going through DBT therapy at some point hopefully in the next few weeks. Still taking my meds although being weaned off some and trialling some new ones. My head is still a spinning mess. But I am lucky I have no long term effects from my attempt given how close to successful it was. The next plan is in place that will ensure success should I ever need it. But for now I am going to give this fighting thing another go. My dad arrives from the UK on the weekend and after quarantine I will get to see him for the first time in two years and that is exciting as well.
I've missed you all and will be back but also trying to sort moving across state etc so maybe quiet for the next few weeks.
So I am still here. I was found by my colleague the next morning blue, unconscious and on the verge of arrest. I was rushed to hospital where I spent 2 days on a ventilator as was not breathing on my own and 5 days in Intensive care. I also developed aspiration pneumonia and seratonin syndrome and temporary kidney damage that has resolved. then was transferred four hours away to the nearest available bed in a mental health ward, where I still am. Hopefully discharged in the next few days. They said an hour or so later and it would have been a different story.
I have been given the official diagnosis of BPD. I am still suicidal. I still want to self harm. Hell I made a crappy noise out of my pjs last night that is hidden away. BUT I have also been given a lifeline with work and offered a new position the other side of the state and right with my support network and so I am going to grab this with both hands and go with it. As it's often said, death is always there as an option.
I have no regrets about my attempt, some/maybe more than some remorse that i was found too soon. But it is what it is. I am willing to try and at the moment that is what is important. I will be going through DBT therapy at some point hopefully in the next few weeks. Still taking my meds although being weaned off some and trialling some new ones. My head is still a spinning mess. But I am lucky I have no long term effects from my attempt given how close to successful it was. The next plan is in place that will ensure success should I ever need it. But for now I am going to give this fighting thing another go. My dad arrives from the UK on the weekend and after quarantine I will get to see him for the first time in two years and that is exciting as well.
I've missed you all and will be back but also trying to sort moving across state etc so maybe quiet for the next few weeks.
