Unlucky

[noname223]

I was so unlucky in my life. I had so much unluck in my life I cannot really comprehend. This all was so cynic. Everything I wanted seems not reachable anymore. This is like someone above wants to drive me to suicide. No woman will ever be together with me. That hurts so much. I am way too ill the last girls rejected when I became paranoid. I have tried to live the past 9 years despite heavy suicidality. I fighted like an idiot. But that's an uphill battle i cannot win. For me it is important that my suicide is rational. I don't wanna suicide because I had a bad day or something minor. But there happened so much. How much will even come if I don't end it. My main goals avoiding poverty and finding a girlfriend seem so unlikely. My last working attempt went horrible. My parents and therapists want me to try even more and I know I am dumb enough to put all my heart and energy into these attempts. For nothing. For more pain.

 

[Pookie]

Are you still young? Life can still turn around for you if you're young, so don't lose hope yet. Unfortunately the older you get, your opportunities dwindle more and more and then it becomes near impossible to turn your things around.

 

[noname223]

I am 23. Thank you for your posting. It hurts so much. Everything hurts so much. I am still ambivalent. I am scared of sleeping. Since last week I need daily sleeping medication (again).
I might go to university in some months. There's this probability this will make me manic again. But I have to do this. This is my last chance to avoid poverty. But after every mania there comes this psychosomatic pain. This pain is so unbelievable. I NEED to ctb if this pain returns.
I tried normal working 2 times. And university 2 times. Soon I will try both again but there is barely hope something will work out. All my trys failed horribly :(

 

[FuneralCry]

I think I have bad luck too. Life really can be cruel, I know what it's like being in a hopeless situation. The thing is there is no limit as to how bad it can get either. I wish you well, living can be exhausting.

 

[NoPointToContinue]

The problem is not "not having a girlfriend" or "not having money" etc. Problem is endless void we feel inside (which these things make even stronger). When that void is there even if we find relationship or good job etc. we are going to sabotage them and gonna return to this void. The thing that needs to be solved is void, darkness, lack( that's why we want relationship, money etc. anyway). In depressed people like us this is very fucking hard, but if you think you can do it, go for it.