Today I've told my psychiatrist I gonna ctb

[noname223]

I never was so open about my suicidality with her. I did not tell the full truth I value my freedom lol. I did not say anything that could be used against me in order to bring me to the psych ward. I told her I still want to try things out but my past failures show that there's no real hope for me. I try the same shit again why should there be a different outcome. I told her if my life goes on like that I am pretty I gonna commit suicide. 2 psychologists already think I gonna commit suicide. I cannot endure poverty for the rest of my life I rather kill me. She was a little bit speechless and sad. I only talked to her openly because currently I feel the urge to buy SN and taking it. I did not tell her that.
At the end of my life I want to look back and tell me I did not make a huge mistake. Why not talking to professionals about my wish. She was not really happy about it when I told her I might wait till assisted suicide is fully legal and then I go that path. I told her I have suicidal thoughts almost my whole life. Since 8/9 years. I could have told her the full truth that I have the urge to buy SN but damn I don't want to go to the psych ward and if I decide to buy/take it I don't want anyone to interfere. Things don't look good for me. There are rather signs that it gets way worse soon and of course in the longrun there's no way around it.

 

[darkwater]

Similarly with me the misery comes it is only a matter of time a year or five who knows?

 

[ItsMyTime]

Don't want to share too much that can be used against you!

 

[poisonedminds]

That's good that you told her! Of course, you need to be careful with how much you say, but having someone to talk to abut my suicidal thoughts made a big difference to me. Maybe she can even offer a new type of help or treatment, one that you have never tried before?

 

[noname223]

That's good that you told her! Of course, you need to be careful with how much you say, but having someone to talk to abut my suicidal thoughts made a big difference to me. Maybe she can even offer a new type of help or treatment, one that you have never tried before.

I am sick of medication I tried so much and I have so many nasty side effects. Maybe I can go to a clinic again. This would be my favorite.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I told my partner's mom who's a psychologist too. Not the full details but just bits of it. Given that I cannot cope with the relationship with her son anymore, that's the natural progression once we fade from each other's life - that I should make plans for my bus ride soon.

 

[poisonedminds]

I am sick of medication I tried so much and I have so many nasty side effects. Maybe I can go to a clinic again. This would be my favorite.

medication is a scam imo and doesn't help, only takes our money. but many alternative therapies exist that may actually help. psychedelic-assisted therapy is a big favourite of mine, i think it has the most potential. there are many different therapy options, depending on the problem and your insurance. i'm sure your psychiatrist could help you look through options!

 

[WornOutLife]

So, she just wasn't "happy" about it? What did she exactly tell you?
I'm glad she didn't follow the book and call your parents or someone so as to send you to a psych ward.
I wish I had had a therapist like yours in the past!

 

[FuneralCry]

I think it was good that you didn't tell her everything, sharing too much is always going to lead to consequences. I guess it can help opening up a bit and being honest though. This life really can be cruel, some situations are just hopeless and there is no way to fix problems.

 

[noname223]

So, she just wasn't "happy" about it? What did she exactly tell you?
I'm glad she didn't follow the book and call your parents or someone so as to send you to a psych ward.
I wish I had had a therapist like yours in the past!

They don't have the allowance to send someone to the psych ward if he or she is not acute suicidal. I am pretty what is allowed to say and what isn't. I talked to a lot of professionals. I think it's a myth they send you fast to the psych ward. At least in my experience/country.
When I refered to assisted suicide she said something like oh,... and shaked her head. I think she wanted to say something like that's not possible. I think she does not want to get in legal trouble. It is partly legal to help in dying. But for too many a touchy topic. Maybe she is not even pro-choice I mean she is psychiatrist lol.
Further she wanted to talk with me about the meaning of life. I refused that. I don't need someone to tell me why I have to live. She is not even allowed to be pro-choice with her job. There was a lot of awkward silence in this meeting.

 

[http-410]

I think it's good to be able to talk openly about suicide. Unfortunately, the counterreactions are not always the best, as in your case. Your psychiatrist seems to have been inept at dealing with this, but it's hard to judge from the outside.

I've read before that you're afraid of becoming poor or that your job/work situation depresses you.

Have you ever considered applying for disability? If you're too impaired to work, you can get income support and wouldn't become impoverished. Maybe that would take some pressure off?

I share your opinion about medications. Can't you go to a clinic? If you're considering this route, you seem to still have some hope, I guess?