Those who have SN in your hands…

[Xerneas]

How does it feel to have control of your own life for the first time ?

 

[Rayzieka]

Unlike anything else.
Feels great.

 

[CleosAsp]

It's liberating and exciting. There's also a huge sense of relief. But sometimes I worry that it won't work, and something goes horribly wrong (i.e. surviving).

 

[Wrennie]

It used to provide me with an immense sense of relief, but after reading through so many goodbye threads I started to get scared of having to endure a half hour of pain that may trigger my SI to kick in and result in me unthinkingly calling for help (and then immediately regretting doing so afterward).
I think at this point I'd only feel relieved if I had N in my possession. I prefer a quick, painless, and peaceful transition into oblivion.

 

[Lmd]

A huge relief. Even in hard times SN gives me calm and peace because I can leave whenever I want.

 

[Bullit]

I would love N! That's how I want to go. I can buy SN any time I want,I'm may do it soon,but I,like many,am worried if it will be painful.

 

[All Things Must Pass]

It used to provide me with an immense sense of relief, but after reading through so many goodbye threads I started to get scared of having to endure a half hour of pain that may trigger my SI to kick in and result in me unthinkingly calling for help (and then immediately regretting doing so afterward).
I think at this point I'd only feel relieved if I had N in my possession. I prefer a quick, painless, and peaceful transition into oblivion.

N isn't quick.

 

[Wrennie]

N isn't quick.

What evidence do you have for that statement, if I might ask?
Isn't the transition into unconsciousness quick though? It may take some time for you to fall into a coma and die, but at least you aren't awake and aware for it?

 

[DasEnde]

I have SN and N. SN gives me almost more peace of mind, because of the long shelf life, which means I'm more independent of the future availability. My N is 2 years old at this point and I worry about its potency

 

[Bedrock48]

Not sn but everything for the CO method (almost as reliable as SN). Feels really liberating and I feel strangely happy now I've got more control.

 

[watereyes]

Feels awesome till you have it taken away :(

 

[nightnightnitrite]

I feel safe. I feel comfort knowing I have a really successful way to leave this world behind without negative side effects if things go wrong as opposed to my last failed attempt with partial. As weird as it sounds, during my partial attempt I enjoyed the feeling of slipping away into darkness and I am confident that SN will yield the same sensation but with actually be successful.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Feels awesome till you have it taken away :(

Oh no what happened?!

 

[watereyes]

Oh no what happened?!

My father took it from me a few hours before my attempt on my set date. :c worst feeling ever.

 

[Wrennie]

My father took it from me a few hours before my attempt on my set date. :c worst feeling ever.

Oh my God, that's absolutely terrible. I have no words. I'm so sorry you had your safety net taken from you, and at a time when you were at your most vulnerable.

 

[WornOutLife]

I don't have it in my hands but I bet I'd just feel so...relaxed.
I'd be like "Bad day? Let's ctb. I have what I need" lol.

 

[xrafinha]

I have it. My health became so suddenly deteriorated that I wish I had the balls to do it already, but still, unfortunately, I got one or two reasons to keep living, at least for a little longer. Part of me wants that reason to cease to exist so that I can do it already.

 

[http-410]

Many write that it is relieving to have SN/control over their lives. I don't think it's the case with me.

Life afterwards is not easier, I drag the same problems around with me as before and still think about suicide every day. Rather, my life is falling apart even more and I have become numb af. Whether this is related to owning SN, I don't know.

It is and remains an unpleasant method (from my point of view), which does not make it easier. There is too much that has to be done beforehand and not only in terms of the method itself. I'm not sure I would feel better if I also had beta blockers and a strong sedative. Also, and this may be a little ridiculous, the expiration date puts pressure on me and I no longer have a chance to buy it again. So everything has to work out in any case.

 

[LastFlowers]

It used to provide me with an immense sense of relief, but after reading through so many goodbye threads I started to get scared of having to endure a half hour of pain that may trigger my SI to kick in and result in me unthinkingly calling for help (and then immediately regretting doing so afterward).
I think at this point I'd only feel relieved if I had N in my possession. I prefer a quick, painless, and peaceful transition into oblivion.

Yea I don't really feel any better with it in my possession, although I am very protective of it because it really is the closest thing I have to a guaranteed way out of this hell. (And the supplier has since pulled it.)
But I still have things to take care of which require the cooperation of other people, also have to get my sedative part of the regimen.
I don't feel free to "leave" just yet.
I am not expecting a peaceful death unfortunately, I have been trying to imagine it to mentally prepare myself, because at the end of the day, I must ingest it and end this nightmare.
If I'm being honest however, it's not my method of choice, I would rather have a gun with hollow points or anything instantaneous, SN is simply my best option that is available to me, and I hope in the very least, it gets the job done.

Many write that it is relieving to have SN/control over their lives. I don't think it's the case with me.

Life afterwards is not easier, I drag the same problems around with me as before and still think about suicide every day. Rather, my life is falling apart even more and I have become numb af. Whether this is related to owning SN, I don't know.

It is and remains an unpleasant method (from my point of view), which does not make it easier. There is too much that has to be done beforehand and not only in terms of the method itself. I'm not sure I would feel better if I also had beta blockers and a strong sedative. Also, and this may be a little ridiculous, the expiration date puts pressure on me and I no longer have a chance to buy it again. So everything has to work out in any case.

Do you know the shelf life for ctb purposes?
People say it lasts awhile but I suspect the potency for its intended purpose versus the potency for suicide may differ.

 

[nolongerhuman]

This has been my reaction, basically.

 

[checkouttime]

N isn't quick.

Thats not correct

In the vast majority of cases, one bottle (100m! @ 60mg/ml) of veterinary Nembutal will always be satisfactory and lead to
death ~1 -2hours.However,there is a peaceful death, usually insmall group(estimated at <1%)who may exhibit a prolonged comatose phase before death (sometimes upto 24 hours)

straight out of the PPH

 

[Hurt]

I don't have it in my hands but I bet I'd just feel so...relaxed.
I'd be like "Bad day? Let's ctb. I have what I need" lol.

But maybe next day is better. I wouldn't do it because I had a bad day. Just my point of view.

 

[Mthom2]

It gives me a sense of comfort in that I have an out that doesn't involve strangulation or jumping, when the time comes. I'd feel a lot better if I had a firearm, since that would definitely be my preferred method. Quick, near painless, and a high chance of success if done correctly.

 

[WornOutLife]

But maybe next day is better. I wouldn't do it because I had a bad day. Just my point of view.

Yes, and I agree with you! That's the more logical thing to do.
However, due to my bipolar disorder, my DOWNS are hellish and I might drink my SN on a bad day.
(Fortunately, I'm way more stable now)

 

[avoid_slow_death]

I call it insurance against life. Plus, the limited shelf life puts an urgency on it. So God damn liberating....

 

[boc]

I have SN and N. SN gives me almost more peace of mind, because of the long shelf life, which means I'm more independent of the future availability. My N is 2 years old at this point and I worry about its potency

I call it insurance against life. Plus, the limited shelf life puts an urgency on it. So God damn liberating....

I have SN and N. SN gives me almost more peace of mind, because of the long shelf life, which means I'm more independent of the future availability. My N is 2 years old at this point and I worry about its potency

I think the shelf life of N is much longer than two years. Especially if kept properly. I understand that would be the stated shelf life. But I remember hearing it's actually closer to 20 years.

 

[DasEnde]

I think the shelf life of N is much longer than two years. Especially if kept properly. I understand that would be the stated shelf life. But I remember hearing it's actually closer to 20 years.

It's much longer for sure. But it's still in liquid form unlike the SN, hence more prone for degrading when mishandled. And powder seems to last long in general, even without perfect care (see for example http://www.sciencemadness.org/talk/viewthread.php?tid=19414).
That's kind of reassuring. That's why powdered N seems to be a different story and probably almost infinitely storable like SN powder, but there is no current supplier I am aware off.
But you are right, both should be good for a long time when sealed properly. I guess with the methods every small uncertainty makes me anxious. Like probably many people here I am prone to overthinking those details, because when I want to Ctb, I want it to be a certain success.