Venting Those of you who are university students

[Jovan1]

How do you guys focus and manage academics while also dealing with suicidal thoughts? This semester I felt like I've been slacking so much because of it and heavy anxiety. It just gets in the way of what I need to do and it just makes me want to give up. I feel so small at my school and what I'm feeling doesn't fucking matter at all. I get so guilty because sometimes I can't even complete a simple assignment or even go to class. It seems like no one cares about me Like no one gives a fuck I am going through this, and then they expect me to suck it up and do the fuckton of work my courses give me. Wish I had people around me who knows what I am going through. It hurts so bad to go through it all alone. Makes me wanna disappear

 

[soda_pressed]

I struggle with focusing as well. The only way I've found to get round is to do small bits of work and break down a big task into lots of little tasks.
If you're struggling with managing to complete your work does your university have a counsellor you could voice this to? That might help.

 

[Allegory]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I'm not currently a university student but I went through undergrad and graduate school while being chronically suicidal.

I had no support network so I relied on my school's counseling services just so I could have someone to talk to. They only allowed 10 sessions per year so I eventually had to pay for therapy. I registered with the student disability services for my depression which helped me afford counseling and get accommodations.

I was involuntarily hospitalized twice while I was in university, cried and hurt myself a lot, walked in traffic with my eyes closed, slept with Nembutal under my bed, and thought about suicide at least 11 times per day for years.

The only reason why I didn't fail all of my classes was the sheer terror of getting kicked out of school, not getting a job, and being unable to earn money. In my mind that meant being homeless. My parents are from a very poor country and put the fear of poverty in me. I would rather be dead than homeless but my survival instinct prevented me from killing myself then and there.

 

[Begemont]

By failing miserably.

 

[Fin]

How do you guys focus and manage academics while also dealing with suicidal thoughts?

I don't. I am a university student, but I have never had them both at the same time. As soon as I became severely depressed and suicidal (this happened last summer) I decided to suspend my studies for 1 year in order to properly deal with my mental illness, and here I am in my free year, not with the best omen. I was the only straight-A student in my university for my first two academic years and then suddenly (and for the first time in my life) arrived my depression which pushed me on a cognitive decline slope right from the start. I was not only unable to study for my summer exams, but also so uncomfortable with any grade other than A (10 in my country) and the expectations of maintaining my streak, both perceived and self-imposed, were so high that I unsurprisingly imploded. I have yet to return to my pre-depression levels of mental sharpness. To my pre-depression levels of many things actually. I have yet to return to myself.

 

[Ruffian]

I was very depressed as young undergraduate. I know it's so hard to get motivated and I used to just get absolutely frozen and not know where to start. Sounds like a trip to the student counseling center might help. Just don't let on you're feeling suicidal - you don't want an involuntary trip to the psych ward. I mean unless you feel like that might help. But if you can talk to someone about how you're feeling it might give you some relief. I just think being in the hospital would put you behind in your studies and if you're paying for college yourself it would suck to have any more financial burden.

 

[Monster]

Long story short, I didn't. I would've killed myself there except it would've hurt my parents really badly and made the hate between them even worse, and there are little things keeping me here. I hate that those things keep me here.

 

[TheFinalCountdown]

I first became suicidal when I was at university. I was able to cope for the first couple of years but things got real hard in my third year and I began to struggle badly. In the end I didn't complete one of the modules and was forced to leave.

If you're in first or second year my advice is to leave because it only gets harder from there. If you're further along then you need to find a way to power through because you may regret it massively if you don't finish.

And don't bother with university counsellors, they can't help you

 

[KitKat456]

I literally spent a whole weekend lying bed and looking up suicide methods while in university. Major waste of my time as I'm not able to do a good attempt in uni. Maybe try and get a workout partner and go to the gym during university? It will force you to get out of your room, maybe decrease the suicidal thoughts while you are studying. Or try to commit to a fun activity that forces you to be somewhere at a specific time so there's less chance to get into a suicidal spiral at school.

 

[Marz]

I have dropped out twice and I'm failing again. I don't have the money for the supplies I need and I don't have a job nor do I want to ask for money all the time (family issues) and if I will die soon I don't care anyways. I've failed like 4 classes this semester alone. I won't pass. I knew it was bound to happen anyways. I have no future.