Venting there is always another way

[illbeinthegarage]

i cannot be told 'there is always another way' and that 'suicidal thoughts are temporary' bullfuckingshit again. nothing gets better. i am done. what other ways? im unfixable and uncontrollable and stuck in a constant frenzy of emotion. all my failed attempts have left me nothing but more desperate to succeed. im just going to have a cup of tea, and begin planning the inevitable. SN or carbon monoxide poison seem my best options. more reliable than hanging. i just want a smooth ending. i dont care about the pain, i have enough currently to cancel out anything physical. all i want is it to run cleanly, to be able to calmly leave. a clean slate. to lay down and 'dream'. i will be starting my plans shortly, and will probably be documenting it here. this forum feels special, and im glad it exists. whether the people on it care about what i have to say or not, i appreciate the existence of it. its comforting.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I relate. I always want to die because, well, things never got better. I was being abused by my mom every god damned fucking day, and at 13 I wrote a post somewhere about wanting to die. So many adults told me "keep living, when you're older it'll get better"

No it fucking didn't. I got sexually assaulted 3 times in college, abused any other family members, bullied, etc

It didnt fucking get better, it got worse

I think the realization we have to come to is that life just doesn't always get better off everyone. Sometimes it gets worse and if that individual wants to die, you should understand

 

[Bct]

They were just spewing empty platitudes without trying to help at all. Even if there is another way, it's not always feasible to do and may have unseen risk.

Is it temporary if it happens for 20 out of 60 years? Is it temporary if it only happens on 5 years, yet the impact is still there after 15 years? They're never thinking about that.

 

[SpottedPanda]

My psychiatrist asked me why I was suicidal, and I told her that I wanted a way out. She told me that there are other ways to achieve that. Initially I was so sick of living in fear due to paranoia that I cautiously heeded her advice, and my anxiety lessened over time.

Since then, as years passed, I've simply become jaded and apathetic by the very idea of living in today's world. There is no alternative in my mind, because all roads lead to enduring more of life.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I saw the title of this thread and thought, "There is always another method..."

 

[UmbosGirl]

My thoughts are, even if there *was* no other way, these folk would still not be inclined to sign off on a suicide.
Obviously I'd love to be happy and healthy. But I've struggled long enough to know it's never going to happen. I know I'm too weak for life's cruelties, unfortunately.