never_take_my_heart
"Just a boy, who had to sing this song."
- Nov 9, 2024
- 14
My first thread which isn't labeled a "vent", haha...
The answer to my "problem" is to "just do it", of course...
Yeah, I guess I "don't want it enough", haha...
Well, let's just see what I end up writing...
One of my main issues is isolation/loneliness... And, to my luck, there's a local club where people gather around to do all sorts of activities together, from guided meditation to dancing classes, all for free. Perfect, "safe" socialization, no?
I've already attended a few times. Some were more successful than others, but, overall, I'm glad I did so.
Yet I still struggle with getting ready to go there.
I suppose my main issues are:
1) Distance. I need to catch a bus (haha...) to get there, and I feel vulnerable being outside of my "established" territory for a prolonged periods of time without someone trusted accompanying me.
2) Unpredictability of socialization. It's terrifying, not knowing how to respond "correctly", or, if I think of a way, too much time has already passed.
I pushed myself for too long during one of the visits, and ended up shutting down, sitting in the corner with my gaze focused to one point, soothing myself with repetitive hand movements.
Thankfully, the leader of the activity didn't make a big deal of out it and actually casually conversed with me without making me feel "rude" for not holding eye contact/sitting away from the group.
I'm deeply appreciative for that.
However, it was also a further proof that even small, "safe" social activities get "too much" too easily, and then I feel "trapped".
The answer to my "problem" is to "just do it", of course...
Yeah, I guess I "don't want it enough", haha...
Well, let's just see what I end up writing...
One of my main issues is isolation/loneliness... And, to my luck, there's a local club where people gather around to do all sorts of activities together, from guided meditation to dancing classes, all for free. Perfect, "safe" socialization, no?
I've already attended a few times. Some were more successful than others, but, overall, I'm glad I did so.
Yet I still struggle with getting ready to go there.
I suppose my main issues are:
1) Distance. I need to catch a bus (haha...) to get there, and I feel vulnerable being outside of my "established" territory for a prolonged periods of time without someone trusted accompanying me.
2) Unpredictability of socialization. It's terrifying, not knowing how to respond "correctly", or, if I think of a way, too much time has already passed.
I pushed myself for too long during one of the visits, and ended up shutting down, sitting in the corner with my gaze focused to one point, soothing myself with repetitive hand movements.
Thankfully, the leader of the activity didn't make a big deal of out it and actually casually conversed with me without making me feel "rude" for not holding eye contact/sitting away from the group.
I'm deeply appreciative for that.
However, it was also a further proof that even small, "safe" social activities get "too much" too easily, and then I feel "trapped".
