Story Therapy isn't for everyone

[TAW122]

I know many people have different opinions on whether therapy works for them or not and that's fine. I am not going to dissuade others from ever seeking therapy if that's what they choose, but I will give my two cents on why it is not always the answer and also my experiences with them.

Very oftenly, when people have problems or stuff that bothers them, the mainstream, cliche advice is to seek a counselor, a therapist, seek help and what not. (This thread sums up the sentiment pretty accurately.) It is basically parroted off by so many people that it is rather dismissive and insulting most of the time. People say it without even thinking and some even get very defensive when confronted or called out on it. They then resort to insults that aren't based on evidence but rather just faulty assumptions such as "you haven't found the right one", "you haven't tried your best", "you didn't want to get better". They also assume that people don't know therapy exists, which is really ignorant of them. Not only do we know it exists, some of us have tried it and either got unhelpful or bad results, or ended up with less money than before.

To be fair, therapy can help some people, especially people who lack the ability to process their thoughts and think about the situation that they are faced with. Also to some people who just want to vent and pour out their thoughts, it can be useful for them. However, that is not the case for people who are problem-solving oriented, those with a lot of introspect and perspective already. We already know what we want, we don't need someone to help us 'figure' out something we could have done ourselves (or rather have done so already).

So with that said, here is what helped me (again, I am speaking for myself here). I've identified a problem that I want to solve and then I take steps and measures to achieve that. I didn't need someone to tell me what I already knew as I already knew what I wanted to solve. In fact, I managed to find and apply the solution (successfully) by going about it myself. So here is my story below:

My little story of recovery:
Upon feeling like shit from end of 2018 and even into 2019, I told myself, well I'm going to go and travel and meet someone that I really looked up to, admired and what not. I was scared at first, being a shy person IRL and not knowing what would happen, but nevertheless, I decided to take the plunge. So I set a date a few weeks ahead of time and booked a flight to go meet that special person. I met that special person in person finally and things went really well. I got what I was looking for and she hugged me, which actually did loads to help me emotionally and psychologically. After I went back home, I was no longer actively wanting to die. Originally I set out to die near the end of May 2019, but due to my successful encounter and adventure, I no longer was actively wanting to die.

So in short, meeting someone I really admired and looked up to and receiving a hug from her really made a huge difference for me. It helped give me hope and willingness to live a bit longer in life. I can't say that I enjoy life though, but at least not bad enough to actively want to CTB. Sometimes, a hug from the right person would be the solution (at least for me, in this case it is) rather than countless sessions of therapy, spending possibly hundreds (or thousands) of dollars to cope or get cured.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

Thank you for sharing your views and your great story about your recovery. You definitely hit the nail on the head regarding how some people react when you call them out. Also, I have to admit for myself therapy has been unhelpful and I'm definitely out a lot of money from attempting it so many times. I don't know maybe it's just another thing I'm failing at amongst so many things. Good luck and take care.

 

[TAW122]

Thanks and the amount of money I spent to meet that special person and get what I was looking for was well worth it. I'm glad I didn't waste money on therapy (which would have likely cost more than my travel and meet and greet), didn't put my faith into religion (I'm an atheist). I'd say I'm out about $600 USD total (counting transportation, plane ticket, hotel accommodations, food, and spending money for my short trip). That $600 or so USD is well spent and I take pride in the fact that it is not going to support the psych industry nor big pharma.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

Thanks and the amount of money I spent to meet that special person and get what I was looking for was well worth it. I'm glad I didn't waste money on therapy (which would have likely cost more than my travel and meet and greet), didn't put my faith into religion (I'm an atheist). I'd say I'm out about $600 USD total (counting transportation, plane ticket, hotel accommodations, food, and spending money for my short trip). That $600 or so USD is well spent and I take pride in the fact that it is not going to support the psych industry nor big pharma.

You're so smart. I wish I has been. Therapy was useless shit to me should have saved my money.

 

[SinisterKid]

Group therapy worked well for me at a time in my life where I needed to be around people who understood how I felt. I am thankful to the people I met there for their patience and understanding, their compassion and empathy and for accepting me for who I am.

The various "head docs" I just did not connect with at all. It was a different person each and every time and when the 4th or 5th one yawned in our session I knew it was time to call a halt to it. Thankfully, he and the rest of the community team agreed to let me go on my own. Two things I will not tolerate again as they were completely negative experiences. Psych ward and psychologists/psychiatrists.

 

[Lennox]

Nowadays I'm pretty sure therapy isn't useful to me, and I'm not sure if it ever was.
But I used to have faith in it, that something would come out of it eventually, even if I never actually felt those results.
When I was kid I wanted to become either a psychologist or a scientist. I saw those paths as two different approaches to go about trying to understanding reality, and I was fascinated by the mysteries of life.
I read a bunch of psychology books growing up, and ended up with much more questions than answers, all the contradictions and the inconsistencies between the theories made me pretty confused.

I think that what we really need sometimes is just someone to listen to us, to empathize with our problems, it doesn't have to be a shrink at all. And that makes us feel better. It's kinda similar to the OP feeling better after meeting that someone special.

 

[TAW122]

I think that what we really need sometimes is just someone to listen to us, to empathize with our problems, it doesn't have to be a shrink at all. And that makes us few better. It's kinda similar to the OP's feelings better after meeting that someone special.

Indeed and while I didn't dump my problems on that special someone, I simply interacted like normal and things went well for me. Anyhow, I have a few stories of how my therapist is actually useless, especially one from 2018. With that said, here is the story:

My therapy sessions from Jan 2018 - April 2018:
I was feeling like shit and empty from end of 2017, and even early 2018. So naively, I went to my university's counseling center (as it was free for as long as I was enrolled as a student at my uni). So I managed to book a session mid January 2018. So my first session was full of hope, it seemed like this counselor might have something that I never thought about. I couldn't have been further from the truth. It was a shitshow of a session. She told me that it was because I didn't have friends or a girlfriend or significant other (maybe true), but then she gaslighted me and told me my method of cope is invalid. I probably should of just stopped going and saved my time and energy to pursue other things.

Then the next few sessions was essentially just a run-around of bullshit. I had direct questions to which my counselor simply just redirected the questions and answered a question with a question. Like wtf? How does that even help me?! It was a direct question that required a direct answer and she was just unhelpful all the way. It went on like that for another 2 sessions. Basically getting nowhere, and getting nothing out of it. It was really frustrating and annoying and god forbid if I had to pay for it, I'd walk out and never come back again, but I guess the sunk cost fallacy got me good (in terms of time and energy).

In the fourth session, it was basically bullshit where I regret opening up about the past and how I use (a maladaptive but effective) coping strategy to which she denounced. But it gets even worse. She then proceeded to interrogate by asking me the dreadful question: Do you have plans to hurt yourself or others? As if she didn't know me better.. Then even went as far to ask me whether I owned any firearms (which I truthfully answered no because I didn't own any at that time, even if I did, I'd still say no so I don't raise any red flags). Fucking hell, I was livid, frustrated, and annoyed that not only did I waste my time and didn't get any shit done, but also risked a psych hold (since she asked these questions right after I talked about my coping strategy). Fuck counseling I told myself, and then it wasn't until early April I just decided to ditch it altogether. I guess I just wanted to tie some loose ends, don't know.

So after the shitshow of sessions and stuff with counselors, I vowed never to seek therapy or counseling again. It was a waste of time (and money if I wasn't a student/private practice), not to mention the risk of saying the wrong thing and getting involuntarily forced to go to the hospital/ward for a temporary hold. The only benefit I ever saw me going to one was either to vent (if I really had nobody I could vent to -- keep in mind this was before I discovered the SS forum, and right after Reddit banned SS). Another niche benefit would be to get a diagnosis, but that would probably be more of a psychologist than a therapist/counselor. Either way, it's more harm than good for me and at best, a waste of time and money (as well as energy).

 

[Lennox]

Indeed and while I didn't dump my problems on that special someone, I simply interacted like normal and things went well for me. Anyhow, I have a few stories of how my therapist is actually useless, especially one from 2018. With that said, here is the story:

My therapy sessions from Jan 2018 - April 2018:
I was feeling like shit and empty from end of 2017, and even early 2018. So naively, I went to my university's counseling center (as it was free for as long as I was enrolled as a student at my uni). So I managed to book a session mid January 2018. So my first session was full of hope, it seemed like this counselor might have something that I never thought about. I couldn't have been further from the truth. It was a shitshow of a session. She told me that it was because I didn't have friends or a girlfriend or significant other (maybe true), but then she gaslighted me and told me my method of cope is invalid. I probably should of just stopped going and saved my time and energy to pursue other things.

Then the next few sessions was essentially just a run-around of bullshit. I had direct questions to which my counselor simply just redirected the questions and answered a question with a question. Like wtf? How does that even help me?! It was a direct question that required a direct answer and she was just unhelpful all the way. It went on like that for another 2 sessions. Basically getting nowhere, and getting nothing out of it. It was really frustrating and annoying and god forbid if I had to pay for it, I'd walk out and never come back again, but I guess the sunk cost fallacy got me good (in terms of time and energy).

In the fourth session, it was basically bullshit where I regret opening up about the past and how I use (a maladaptive but effective) coping strategy to which she denounced. But it gets even worse. She then proceeded to interrogate by asking me the dreadful question: Do you have plans to hurt yourself or others? As if she didn't know me better.. Then even went as far to ask me whether I owned any firearms (which I truthfully answered no because I didn't own any at that time, even if I did, I'd still say no so I don't raise any red flags). Fucking hell, I was livid, frustrated, and annoyed that not only did I waste my time and didn't get any shit done, but also risked a psych hold (since she asked these questions right after I talked about my coping strategy). Fuck counseling I told myself, and then it wasn't until early April I just decided to ditch it altogether. I guess I just wanted to tie some loose ends, don't know.

So after the shitshow of sessions and stuff with counselors, I vowed never to seek therapy or counseling again. It was a waste of time (and money if I wasn't a student/private practice), not to mention the risk of saying the wrong thing and getting involuntarily forced to go to the hospital/ward for a temporary hold. The only benefit I ever saw me going to one was either to vent (if I really had nobody I could vent to -- keep in mind this was before I discovered the SS forum, and right after Reddit banned SS). Another niche benefit would be to get a diagnosis, but that would probably be more of a psychologist than a therapist/counselor. Either way, it's more harm than good for me and at best, a waste of time and money (as well as energy).

Thanks for your account, imo it confirms how shrinks are often useless.
Shrinks just try to make sure you fit some ideal they have of "normal person". X number of friends, Y times going out to socialize, etc. For them the goal is for you to be "socially adjusted" and nothing more.

But IMO people can be totally satisfied with their own life while being outside of these predefinitions of "normal person"
Sometimes people are loners and they are ok this way. Sometimes they aren't exactly loners but they are alone for the time being, and that's ok too.

 

[Rocksandsand]

To post this, I had to sit and recall how many therapists I had seen. I have seen around nine, though I may be forgetting some.

Of those, three have been okay. The one I am seeing right now specialises in sexual assault and trauma, which is relevant to me. But I am just as suicidal as ever before - I just bitch to someone for an hour once a week about it. If I wasn't able to access her for free (she normally charges $140 AUD an hour on a concession rate) I wouldn't be able to see her at all.

One thing that pisses me off about the whole industry is that you can pay hundreds of dollars before it becomes clear that the person isn't the right fit. There aren't many professions like that. You can normally look at someone's past work and decide if their services are for you, but therapists... you kind of have to try them before you'll know. And that's an expensive exercise.

 

[Shamana]

I think are you completely right about what kind profile benefits from therapy. In 13 years as a patient ive never understood what is supposed to be so theraputic about therapy maybe because im a problemsolving oriented introvert with self-insight.

 

[Alpha_Draco_Pegasus]

However, that is not the case for people who are problem-solving oriented, those with a lot of introspect and perspective already. We already know what we want, we don't need someone to help us 'figure' out something we could have done ourselves (or rather have done so already).

That's exactly my case. It's refreshing to hear you sum it up so well. More people ought to consider this before spouting off the cliches. I had 10 years of going through group therapy, individual counseling, psych wards, 12 step meetings, drug treatment programs, and hardly enough people considered what you are saying. Like, 1 in 1000 people. Wasn't it generous and "open minded" of me to give other people so many chances? Lol.

I know you must have intentionally not specified who this special person is, but I'm so curious. A relative? Mom, grandma? A famous author? A romantic relationship initiated online? It doesn't matter. Maybe I just envy that you met someone special. I don't consider anyone special anymore.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

Wasn't it generous and "open minded" of me to give other people so many chances? Lol.

Totally ! ha ha ... I've indulged a few myself ...

The therapists I saw never really met me ...
I think all the camouflage I installed over the years to cope obscured who I was .
Mainly though I just couldn't srop the drugs .

I think therapists hold onto their 'knowlege' like the precious bloody ring , and also ( because
of gaps in their knowlege and experience )just don't know what's going on . .
( I'm an anti authoritarian aswell , so any whiff of that and I'm closed down . )

I'm generally a bit negative about it - although I think it is the best thing available ( :/ ) .

Consciousness and how it works / and doesn't , is a miracle in a way , so we are a long way from
being able to 'fix' it ...

( And yeah ; that special person event is a fascinating thing ! )

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

There's one thing I kinda disagree with: "you haven't found the right one" can be a valid retort.
I've seen some asshole "therapists". My first one listened to me for about ten minutes and replied with something like "I have more people lined up, here's a cup with like twenty more new pills. The prescriptions will be approved in six hours, in the meantime go away." And that's after supposedly understanding that my blood is fucked up from antiepileptics and needs to remain this precisely fucked up for further brain scans. Another went with the whole "there are poor children in Africa that would love ANY of the stuff you have here! Have some perspective!"
And yes, that's true, I got an indoor shower and toilet, I don't need to go to a lake or river to bathe and I'm not hunted by lions or some crazed cults or whatever. I do understand that. And I believe I would trade indoor plumbing in exchange for removal of seizures.
This guy I have right now guides me through dealing with what I'm dealing with using what I have. Now this right here is an excellent therapist. I can even discuss my ctb ideas and, this right here is a FUCKED UP quality of his, he might pitch an idea in.
No, I'm not sharing. lol
"You just haven't found the right one" can be an argument.

 

[TAW122]

@Lenox well said. I'm glad that my story and experiences can help some people relate to the (lack of) efficacy of therapy for some people (not all but a fair amount, especially for those who made up their minds and already have self insight).

One thing that pisses me off about the whole industry is that you can pay hundreds of dollars before it becomes clear that the person isn't the right fit. There aren't many professions like that. You can normally look at someone's past work and decide if their services are for you, but therapists... you kind of have to try them before you'll know. And that's an expensive exercise.

I share the same sentiments as well. I don't have the funds nor time and patience to do that. Plus, I don't believe it is worth it, no matter what others may try to have me believe. Psychiatry is not a concrete science, it is 'pseudoscience'.

I think are you completely right about what kind profile benefits from therapy. In 13 years as a patient ive never understood what is supposed to be so theraputic about therapy maybe because im a problemsolving oriented introvert with self-insight.

Yeah, me too. I'm a problem-solving oriented introvert with lots of self-insight as well. This is why I never really benefited from therapy (and have tried no less than at least 10 in my entire life of 28 years) but instead all the success I had was (mostly) by my own hand and special life circumstances.

@Alpha_Draco_Pegasus No, it was not anyone related to me and not someone who is "famous" in the sense of a celebrity. But in a small niche world, she is well known in those circles. I had the opportunity to meet her and my encounter went very well, that alone gave me to courage and ambition to seek recovery and not CTB a few months ago.

@Temporarilyabsurd Yes, it is frustrating that these "professionals" think that their advice and strategy is benchmark and gold standard for treating people. Sure, it works for a lot of people, but to assume it works for 100% of the people and anyone who challenges or questions their ways are wrong is quite pompous and audacious of them. They believe they could do no wrong and that it is the patient's fault for not trusting the process or the field, which is also arrogant. I too, also hate authoritarian attitudes (partly because I grew up with an authoritarian family). One of the most annoying things is the therapist/counselor's gaslighting tactics, trying to get me to think I'm wrong, just because I disagree with their paradigm.

There's one thing I kinda disagree with: "you haven't found the right one" can be a valid retort.

"You just haven't found the right one" can be an argument.

Sure that is indeed a valid retort and a counter retort to that is, but it could take ages, hundreds (or thousands) of dollars before one does find that "right one." Even then, one has to evaluate whether or not it was worth the cost in time, effort, and money; which only the individual can decide if it was "worthwhile", thus again pointing back to subjectivity rather than objectivity. (Personally, I don't think so, even if I had thousands to spare, I'd do much better in using that to pursue the things I enjoy than to sample dozens more therapists and come out poorer than before.)

Basically what I'm saying is that sure even assuming that the "right one" exists and said person can be helped, it is still too much of like searching for that "unicorn" and beyond that there is still a risk of things not working out. I'd much rather go with things that I have a reasonable expectation and confidence (backed by experience and evidence) that will work out than something that is flimsy to begin with.

Anyways, I do applaud you for finding a therapist that helped you.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Yeah, I admit, finding him was one hell of a shot. I kinda forgot to look at that part of my quest.
Alternatively, I've developed some kind of Stockholm syndrome for the guy. Our progress isn't that magnificent, but at least I'm not at 100% rage mode all the time. Finding a good therapist with all the pills around today.
I think a good part of helping finding him was the fact I went for an online one with no traction in Israel so that he can't call White Coats on me.

 

[ladolcemorte]

I have heard the "you didn't try hard enough" so many times at this point. From friends and even some so called mental health professionals. It is so condescending to hear that.

I know many people have different opinions on whether therapy works for them or not and that's fine. I am not going to dissuade others from ever seeking therapy if that's what they choose, but I will give my two cents on why it is not always the answer and also my experiences with them.

Very oftenly, when people have problems or stuff that bothers them, the mainstream, cliche advice is to seek a counselor, a therapist, seek help and what not. (This thread sums up the sentiment pretty accurately.) It is basically parroted off by so many people that it is rather dismissive and insulting most of the time. People say it without even thinking and some even get very defensive when confronted or called out on it. They then resort to insults that aren't based on evidence but rather just faulty assumptions such as "you haven't found the right one", "you haven't tried your best", "you didn't want to get better". They also assume that people don't know therapy exists, which is really ignorant of them. Not only do we know it exists, some of us have tried it and either got unhelpful or bad results, or ended up with less money than before.

To be fair, therapy can help some people, especially people who lack the ability to process their thoughts and think about the situation that they are faced with. Also to some people who just want to vent and pour out their thoughts, it can be useful for them. However, that is not the case for people who are problem-solving oriented, those with a lot of introspect and perspective already. We already know what we want, we don't need someone to help us 'figure' out something we could have done ourselves (or rather have done so already).

So with that said, here is what helped me (again, I am speaking for myself here). I've identified a problem that I want to solve and then I take steps and measures to achieve that. I didn't need someone to tell me what I already knew as I already knew what I wanted to solve. In fact, I managed to find and apply the solution (successfully) by going about it myself. So here is my story below:

My little story of recovery:
Upon feeling like shit from end of 2018 and even into 2019, I told myself, well I'm going to go and travel and meet someone that I really looked up to, admired and what not. I was scared at first, being a shy person IRL and not knowing what would happen, but nevertheless, I decided to take the plunge. So I set a date a few weeks ahead of time and booked a flight to go meet that special person. I met that special person in person finally and things went really well. I got what I was looking for and she hugged me, which actually did loads to help me emotionally and psychologically. After I went back home, I was no longer actively wanting to die. Originally I set out to die near the end of May 2019, but due to my successful encounter and adventure, I no longer was actively wanting to die.

So in short, meeting someone I really admired and looked up to and receiving a hug from her really made a huge difference for me. It helped give me hope and willingness to live a bit longer in life. I can't say that I enjoy life though, but at least not bad enough to actively want to CTB. Sometimes, a hug from the right person would be the solution (at least for me, in this case it is) rather than countless sessions of therapy, spending possibly hundreds (or thousands) of dollars to cope or get cured.