Venting Suffering from envy

[coolcow1289]

There's someone I'm forced to interact with in my life that I'm very attracted to. Shes a few years older than me, but she has everything I've ever wanted. A good job in a leadership position, long term boyfriend whos wealthy - shes likely going to marry, tons of hobbies, travels the world, super smart, extroverted, lots of friends. Shes capable and knowledgeable and assertive. She radiates energy.

And basically the fact that she exists makes me feel worthless. And I know that's terrible and sinful and envious and wrong. But every interaction I have with her makes me feel panicked and anxious and hopeless. I can't help but measure myself and I come up short in every conceivable way.

It's like God put her in my life just to shove every inadequacy I have in my face. Shes probably a top 3 reason I'm going to CTB.

It doesn't help that she has the same background and interests, and is basically just a more successful less pathetic version of me.

 

[calebzz1]

I understand how you feel.

Personally, my favorite quote is "Comparison is the thief of joy."

I would focus on yourself first and not worry about other people so much.

I'm not perfect either though, with the complex visual impairment I face daily there's so much I have to give up if it is permanent.

I often wonder how people who engage in immoral activities can function on a higher level than I can.

I have an older brother and two well-off cousins who know that I'll be temporarily disabled yet haven't reached out at all in terms of assisting with treatment or my disability case.

After that, I simply don't care where these people go and what they do as they wouldn't lift a finger for my current predicament.

I would ask yourself, "Does this person I'm attracted to actually provide any benefit to my life or current situation?"

If not, then it's pointless to be envious of someone who doesn't really care about you in the first place.

I wouldn't recommend being world-weary and cynical like I am though.

I'm almost blind at 25 for now which is why I can be very practical and blunt.