Help study tips for students with 0 motivation and will to live (or how to not want to kill yourself every single small inconvenience)

[v0id]

like always, it feels like a punishment to even live. but since i cannot kill myself because of survival instinct, lack of courage, and lack of a foolproof methods, i basically have no choice but to thug it out.

currently, i am studying in a university of my choice. it is basically the "cream of the crop" in my country. i happen to be an academic achiever despite my fucked up head, and now i'm here, AND I CAN'T STUDY WELL. i used to rawdog and half-ass everything because it works fine but now i have to actually STUDY. and whenever i have to do so, i get violent thoughts of killing myself. my motivation is incredibly low.

i know that of course, professional help is an option, but unfortunately i do not have that. i can't afford it. i know that i should probably just kill myself and follow what my head tells me to do but as i have stated, i still can't. so how do i navigate in the academic setting and heighten the chance of me succeeding?

i'm also aware that it'd be meaningless once i die but i'm so unlucky to the point that if i attempt to kms, i would survive. so now i always consider the "just in case" i actually live until a natural cause of death kills me. (i mean, i never planned to make it past 13 and yet here i am)

 

[Preh1storic_Rib]

Apathy actually did wonders for my grades and attendance in highschool. If nothing mattered anyway, why not make things easier on myself. If everything is okay from an outside perspective, people leave you be or even listen to your half-assed lies. Which was a considerable upside at the time.

 

[wCvML2]

Your mindset is correct, to assume you'll not die soon and still pursue the path with the best future and quality of life (because worsening your life deliberately won't eliminate your survival instinct). I made the mistake of assuming I'll successfully commit suicide and die soon when I was at uni and stopped going to class just to end up failing both education and suicide. If you can't afford therapy, there are some guides online from professional therapists on what to do to maintain you mental health like what habits to have.

 

[-Link-]

Have you ever been screened for ADHD?

Would you consider engaging the university's (mental) health services?

I guess what I'm thinking is, if the university has services you can access, then 1) maybe there are accommodations that could be made on their part to alleviate some of the pressures of education, and 2) maybe they'd have information on how you could get professionally assessed, even on a budget.

As far as tips on studying through suicidality and lack of motivation... Not sure what I can offer there... For myself, this drove me right out of school, which is a path I'd advise against if it's at all possible to avoid it.

 

[willitpass]

I've made it through one degree and halfway through another one right now by half assing it. I'm fortunate enough to be already pretty familiar with what I'm working on as well as being blessed with natural academic talent, so I do just the amount of work required. I turn in assignments, I do a tiny bit of studying for exams, I show up to labs, and I call it a day. Somehow that's carried me through. When I have periods of better motivation I work hard to get ahead and buy myself buffer room for when things go downhill again. I also calculate my grades to know how much room for failure I have. I know when I can miss an assignment and be just fine and when I'm toeing the line too much. It's worked out for me, as I have a very high GPA and am often commended for how intelligent I am and how well I understand the material. But a lot of my success is truly dependent on the fact that I enjoy what field I'm in, I have extensive prior knowledge, I work in the field that I'm getting my degree in, and I'm naturally good at school. I don't really have any tips for getting past the depression and lack of motivation for when things get really hard other than riding the high waves when they come to get ahead as much as possible. Buying the buffer room is my best advice.

 

[graysme]

I'm getting through my degree by not caring too much about perfect grades and by thinking that in the end I will finally be able to be financially stable. Sometimes I fantasize and think it's worth to try and see what life will be like when I'll be completely alone and independent. Other times I just want to not be here. Luckily or not, the first thought pulls me the most at the moment. This works for me, maybe you're even more of a perfectionist, but yeah.