Venting Still not

[Life_and_Death]

Im still not sleeping well. Im still not taking my meds.
Ive thought about starting them again but idk....it makes me cringe. And there isnt really anything i can do about my lack of sleep. Well i have melatonin but..i dont feel like it.
I remember one day i think i counted 7 pills i took. And all for "normal" bs (as in what normal people just do, not the "important" ones for issues and what not, youll probably understand better in a sec)

I took 2 (1 in the morning and 1 at night) antianxieties - just so i can not have voices in my head and i can interect with people without a total meltdown
I took 3 lactose pills - just so i could enjoy some ice cream (yes i know they make special ice cream for me but that shits expensive, from what ive seen only comes in little contaniers, and cant find it in my favorite flavours (which as far as i know you cant, i like 'weird' ones, my favorite being moon mist).
1 advil (or something like that, this one could have been advil, motrin, naproxen or tylenol 1) - for headaches that i have....i dont want to say daily but definitly a good protion of a month.
And 1 melatonin - for sleep.

All that for "normal" things, just in one day! Yeah im probably sick of meds.

Also before someones all "people have it worse" or whatever you think about saying, this is exactly my point. Theres nothing stopping me from needing "non normal" meds in the future. I have chest problems, and back problems and god knows what else is going to crop up. Im only 22, thats a lot of years for my health to go down and those 7 pills turns into 20 and im carrying around a huge ziplock bag. Theres also the fact that im still probably going to need more mental health meds.

I hate meds. Maybe i should just put them all in a bowl with some milk (lactose free) and have them for breakfast.

 

[mothflakes]

I struggled with this also as I have headaches and migraines from an early age. I quit all the psych drugs except for mild anti-anxiety when I need them because they only made me feel worse, and I'm pretty sure they did some damage to my digestive system. I'm not an expert, but I think the most important advice I can give you is always to take them on a full stomach. this can protect you from complications when you're older. but yeah, I hate meds two. love weed though.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I quit all the psych drugs except for mild anti-anxiety when I need them because they only made me feel worse,

The one im on (buspar) is actually helping with the things listed. Im actually just about due to up my dose to 20mg/day. (Which will most likely help more, theres still a smidgen of anxiety it could help with). I just....idk i look at the little orange bottle is diguest lately.

I'm not an expert, but I think the most important advice I can give you is always to take them on a full stomach

So i shouldnt tell you that ive taken it on an empty stomach with booze?
I have, i call them eating disorders which technically they would be but not your typical anorexcia ect. Theyre physical eating disorders, like the day before yesterday i had to skip supper because all i wanted to do was throw up just looking at the food. Hubby even had to help me with his meal. And my stomach can be grumbling, and ill know its empty but i wont be hungry. Plus im more of a snacking person then an eating person (i have a small stomach and my stomach can be screaming for food again in 30-60mins. This problem has actually left me without dessert and isolated while the family had popcorn, cookies and movies. Like its somehow my fault i ate until i felt like throwing up, but no. I didnt finish my plate so i must be full. Its called digestion!!!! Go back to fen school. Sorry i dont like my mother). So yeah taking my pills on a full stomach is a lot more complicated then it should be.

love weed though.

Im addicted to it and (aside from the anxiety. Thats still gone) it counteracts the medication and the voices come back.

(Sometimes it really seems like everything is working against you lol)

 

[mothflakes]

The one im on (buspar) is actually helping with the things listed

That's actually amazing. Do you think maybe the eating disorder (or not?) is a side effect of that?

Im addicted to it and (aside from the anxiety. Thats still gone) it counteracts the medication and the voices come back.

Actual voices? or more like invasive thoughts?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Do you think maybe the eating disorder (or not?) is a side effect of that

No its not. Its been this way for years, long before any medication.

Actual voices? or more like invasive thoughts?

Both. I have invasive thoughts as well but what im specifically talking about are voices. Conversations and everything lol

 

[mothflakes]

(Sometimes it really seems like everything is working against you lol)

Sums it up. these problems just keep complicating themselves until it seems like there's no way to untangle :/ the meds are like a symbol for that (for me) BUT! keep going, it gets better, your young and all that.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Sums it up. these problems just keep complicating themselves until it seems like there's no way to untangle :/ the meds are like a symbol for that (for me) BUT! keep going, it gets better, your young and all that.

I have bpd, it doesnt get better, it becomes copable

 

[mothflakes]

I have bpd, it doesnt get better, it becomes copable

Yeah, sorry, I was trying to be funny. copable sounds as good as it gets for me two.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Yeah, sorry, I was trying to be funny

Its totally cool. Honestly i took it more as a trying to help thing, so totally no offense taken here. Beside humor is a bit more difficult to pull off with a keyboard compared to in person.