Still getting worse after all..

[InigoDeux40]

I feel like I'm nearing the point of getting things in order to finally CTB, but it's kind of funny because things are actually improving for me right now. I recently got a more relaxed job where people are supportive for someone who is a undergraduate lacker. This has allowed me to have more freedom to buy things I enjoy. I have also made improvements in my personal hygiene. However, despite these changes, I still feel a sense of obligation to go through with my previous plan. I don't see a future for myself and often feel a sense of pure emptiness consuming me. I'm either feeling utterly piss off or down as hell. I have cutt off all my friends to be alone, I don't want to deal with them. I have never been able to maintain a long-term relationship anyway. My biggest concern now is my family, with whom I live. Although we are not close, I do feel kind of bad for having them walk upon my body. I know I have a lot to sort out, but at least I got kind of a buged now. This is something that has been in my chest for weeks so is pretty much a rant, but I'm curious about your thoughts, like if you're in this similar conflicting position, what are you thinking about doing?

 

[TennTrixie]

For me, my ctb reasons are due to failing health, Incurable illness. I do feel bad about doing something that will hurt my family. I'm at least going to wait until after the holidays. That will give me time to straighten up my affairs.

If things are improving for you, why not focus on improving them instead of any ctb plans. Possibility to ctb will still be there if things get worse again.