lowres
Scum
- Feb 9, 2019
- 119
I hope that this doesnt end up being incoherent garbage like most of my text based venting sessions have gone, im sorry if it does, im going to try to keep it brief for now.
As young as 6 i remember having tinges of dread and anxiety, from that point on to now its felt like a steady decline at the very least emotionally. Im a scatterbrained mess now, nothing feels worth it, even the things i thought I enjoyed like art and video games feel utterly monotonous nowadays and i just try to focus on it to pass time. Im tired of human interactions.
I hate everyone i consider my "friends" they just frustrate me to no end and pull me down, my own mother is just frustrated by me constantly especially when im distressed its not that i think she doesnt care its just that she doesnt have the patience to deal with her mental kid. Im almost done with school for now but i feel so braindead and unmotivated i doubt im going to pass this final semester.
Nothing feels worthwhile anymore and i want to CTB but Ive had no resources whatsoever until i joined this site and im so very afraid. Im afraid ill hurt someone i do care about indirectly, im afraid of leaving my pet, but i dont want to care, all of my problems are stupid and menial yet i cant feel anything other than dread and anxiety over them every day. I just dont want to hurt any relatives in my passing, it feels unfair to me to just cause someone else mental anguish albeit likely temporary, but is it really worth living miserable just to shelter the few i care about? I dont want to think so but the fear whenever im in distress and close to harming myself seriously always brings me down to a bigger sobbing mess than previously. I dont how to feel or act anymore im lost. Anyways its late right now im going to try to sleep, ill try to reply to things tomorrow if im not too embarassef by this mess of a post.
As young as 6 i remember having tinges of dread and anxiety, from that point on to now its felt like a steady decline at the very least emotionally. Im a scatterbrained mess now, nothing feels worth it, even the things i thought I enjoyed like art and video games feel utterly monotonous nowadays and i just try to focus on it to pass time. Im tired of human interactions.
I hate everyone i consider my "friends" they just frustrate me to no end and pull me down, my own mother is just frustrated by me constantly especially when im distressed its not that i think she doesnt care its just that she doesnt have the patience to deal with her mental kid. Im almost done with school for now but i feel so braindead and unmotivated i doubt im going to pass this final semester.
Nothing feels worthwhile anymore and i want to CTB but Ive had no resources whatsoever until i joined this site and im so very afraid. Im afraid ill hurt someone i do care about indirectly, im afraid of leaving my pet, but i dont want to care, all of my problems are stupid and menial yet i cant feel anything other than dread and anxiety over them every day. I just dont want to hurt any relatives in my passing, it feels unfair to me to just cause someone else mental anguish albeit likely temporary, but is it really worth living miserable just to shelter the few i care about? I dont want to think so but the fear whenever im in distress and close to harming myself seriously always brings me down to a bigger sobbing mess than previously. I dont how to feel or act anymore im lost. Anyways its late right now im going to try to sleep, ill try to reply to things tomorrow if im not too embarassef by this mess of a post.
