I moved out of my home for university. It's been almost 3 months since then and I promised my mum that she didn't have to worry about me. She's 2 whole hours away from me, and I don't want her to worry about me, but I don't know if I should call her to at least talk to her one last time. I intend to cbt tomorrow hopefully. I'm alone in a room, so I can't be found and I probably won't survive. My death would hurt her so much, but living is hurting me even more. I can't really go on much longer and I really don't know what to do.
If you call her and are sure you want to ctb make sure to not give your plans away. It sounds like your mum and you love each other a lot. Naturally she will try to intervene if she thinks something is off. Having said that, it's not too late to stop your ctb plan if you have doubts. There is no shame in delaying a plan and trying a different route. In this forum are a lot of resources to help with recovery. In any case, I wish you good luck with whatever you choose.
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I agree with others that I think it would be nice to call her to try and leave her with good memories.
That being said, I don't know how good you are at faking it. Is there also a likelihood that she will be able to tell something is very wrong. Then, if she doesn't intervene and you go ahead with it, I guess she could feel guilty about that. Sorry- I don't expect that was helpful.
I've tried to lose touch with people because I'm worried I'll leave behind hints that they will then feel bad for missing- if that makes sense? Do you want to talk to her?
That being said, I don't know how good you are at faking it. Is there also a likelihood that she will be able to tell something is very wrong. Then, if she doesn't intervene and you go ahead with it, I guess she could feel guilty about that. Sorry- I don't expect that was helpful.
I've tried to lose touch with people because I'm worried I'll leave behind hints that they will then feel bad for missing- if that makes sense? Do you want to talk to her?
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I did end up calling her, and broke down in tears almost immediately because she noticed right away that something was off. I haven't told her my plans, but she did give me the option of either coming back home for a few days or she'd have to come down to make sure I was safe. I've managed to fake it enough so far that they don't think I'm going to hurt myself, just that I was "lonely" which was semi-true
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I d have to agree with that. Regardless of my own situation and my reasons for ctb I have a best friend who got a severe depression once she started Uni and felt so lonely and kind of overwhelmed. She didn't adjust well and felt very isolated in her first semester. Things have gotten so much better, she went home and tried other stuff at Uni to connect more.
I don't know about your unique situation but if you are in a similar position there might be other options? Please don't feel like I m trying to tell you what to do or what's best for you. Just trying to help if there is still a chance. If your mind is made up then that is your choice of course.
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dontwakemeup
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- Nov 11, 2024
- 222
I'm so happy to hear you called your mom, it made me smile 
It seems like your mother really loves you. I don't know your situation but if you're able to talk to her then maybe she can help you figure things out. If University is too stressful for you then trust me, it's ok to take a break! I know we all strive with being what society states is a successful person and being productive but your mental health comes 1st. I have done everything society would agree that makes one happy, military and college. I'll tell you a secret and only you..I have enough money now to buy the fanciest beds with the prettiest pillows to lay in and cry everyday! I make enough now so I don't have to work everyday. Thankfully and ultimately, I had enough time to plan so many failed attempts and time to recover from them! That's all money is good for when you're battling depression and frequent SI's.
You seem young, give yourself time to grow, heal and seek help. I would never want anyone's 1st and only option to be suicide. Yes, it's your right and I'll always agree to that, BUT please try all measures 1st. That my opinion and words of wisdom. I truly wish you the best
It seems like your mother really loves you. I don't know your situation but if you're able to talk to her then maybe she can help you figure things out. If University is too stressful for you then trust me, it's ok to take a break! I know we all strive with being what society states is a successful person and being productive but your mental health comes 1st. I have done everything society would agree that makes one happy, military and college. I'll tell you a secret and only you..I have enough money now to buy the fanciest beds with the prettiest pillows to lay in and cry everyday! I make enough now so I don't have to work everyday. Thankfully and ultimately, I had enough time to plan so many failed attempts and time to recover from them! That's all money is good for when you're battling depression and frequent SI's.You seem young, give yourself time to grow, heal and seek help. I would never want anyone's 1st and only option to be suicide. Yes, it's your right and I'll always agree to that, BUT please try all measures 1st. That my opinion and words of wisdom. I truly wish you the best
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