Seriously debating it now

[Josef2000]

Yesterday was rough, I decided to have a drink and ctb but rang my mother to come get me before I changed my mind. I stayed up so late last night sitting on my own debating whether or not I should go back out and do it. (I already have a plan if I were to do it)

I'm sat here now and debating it again, It's like resisting the urge to scratch your back. I want to do it so bad but I've got family. It's my family that is holding me back, I can't imagine how devastating it would be to them for me to die. I'm quite lucky to have a supportive family.

I'm trapped between life and death, slowly moving through life with no motivation other than trying to avoid hurting my family.

Sometimes I want to attempt suicide and be found/rescued. Is that weird? Am I an attention seeker for doing that?
I need someone, I need hope and love. I just want someone to hold me and save me

 

[noname223]

Suicide is a very ambivalent feeling. I really don't judge you on that. It is okay that you want to be rescued. I don't think you are attention seeking. Suicide is such a hard decision. I always shake when I get serious about it.
Suicide is not for everybody the solution. Have you tried therapy because honestly you don't sound like someone who is 100% convinced...

Sorry if I sound too pro-life on that. I just cried a lot about own misery. And I know how hard this decision is...

 

[deepinlimbo]

Yesterday was rough, I decided to have a drink and ctb but rang my mother to come get me before I changed my mind. I stayed up so late last night sitting on my own debating whether or not I should go back out and do it. (I already have a plan if I were to do it)

I'm sat here now and debating it again, It's like resisting the urge to scratch your back. I want to do it so bad but I've got family. It's my family that is holding me back, I can't imagine how devastating it would be to them for me to die. I'm quite lucky to have a supportive family.

I'm trapped between life and death, slowly moving through life with no motivation other than trying to avoid hurting my family.

Sometimes I want to attempt suicide and be found/rescued. Is that weird? Am I an attention seeker for doing that?
I need someone, I need hope and love. I just want someone to hold me and save me

I know how it feels to have a family that is supportive and this factors in for me as well. Ctb isn't so straight forward. We all have a lot to mull over on this forum and I would say by the sounds of this You clearly love your family and perhaps you're not ready yet to ctb?

I don't want to tell you what to do but I get the impression from this thread you might not want to do this yet.

You're not attention seeking and it's not weird, maybe it just suggests you want help and someone to help you through whatever it is that you aren't able to cope with at the moment.

can your parents be the one to provide that hope and love?

If I'm being to patronising or preachy then apologies. Just don't want you rushing something and doing something drastic if you still have something to hold onto

I Hope everything works out for you

 

[FuneralCry]

This life can be really exhausting and I know what it is like to want to leave this world. It can be hard when there are others to think of though, I get that. If you want to be found maybe it isn't the right time yet. However If you do decide to ctb then I wish you peace.

 

[Josef2000]

I think I'm going to go out, get drunk, self harm and overdose on sleeping pills.

Not to kill myself but to just do some damage to myself or something, I don't know anymore.
I just don't know anymore, I have no hope for the future.

I'm quite happy with dying, it's the people I'll leave behind that stops me.

I'm gonna leave the house tonight, get drunk and see what happens.

 

[WornOutLife]

Sorry to hear this.
I'm trapped between life and death too.
Although for the time being, I've decided to live and things seem to be proming.

Yet, I'll be definitely dead before my 40s.

Hope you can feel better soon!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[Hotsackage]

I was gonna stay around for my mom and dad. But my condition is a total mind fk so I want out imminently