Discussion Second Thoughts

[abruptum]

I was wondering how many people here have had second thoughts about ctb, I know it's probably not uncommon I was just wondering peoples expierence with them.
For me I've never held any true value to a human life(as awful as that sounds) I mean that in the sense that people die every second and it's not something to be fearful of because even if i don't ctb today, tomorrow i could get gunned down in a robbery gone wrong. I know it's a bit dark to say because of course I care about certain people and wish they wouldn't die. Unfortunately it's something that can't be avoided.
I myself haven't really ever had "second thoughts" more just days where my suicidal thoughts aren't as overwhelming as others so it's just not consistently on my mind. I've only had 3 attempts and 2 of them were really half asses last minute spur of the moment things. But in my mind I had never felt what might be a second thought. Maybe that's weird of me, maybe it's unique for everyone.
Just wanted to feel out everyone else's thoughts on the matter <3

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Wanted death constantly for five years, probably my only opinion/wish/thinking that didn't change at all during that time. Has always been too passive of a wish to be fulfilled, but getting more and more inspirited by day the day lol.

 

[throwaway2goawy]

I've thought about ctb and changed my mind a ton over the years. I think like you it's probably more about having bad days and good days. However recently I've had no good days and I'm just tired of everything. It's why I'd always recommend people think it through seriously before doing anything; just making changes in your life can mean ctb is no longer the right choice for a person.

 

[WornOutLife]

I've been suicidal since I'm 12 and I thought I was gonna ctb for real last year but I totally failed and lived in hell (my parents house) for 6 months. They were about to send me to a psych ward if I showed any suicidal actions. I didn't. Lucky me, I guess.

Still, by the end of last January, I decided that I'll live for some more years. As you said, I might die tomorrow at a bank robbery but for the time being, I don't want to destroy my dad's life and living is actually not that hard if I learn to control my bipolar disorder.
For example, when I'm depressed, I don't want to work or study but once I do it, I start enjoying it and then get in a great mood and feel like living lots.

I will never find life precious. Just like you, I think we're just a number. People die all the time. We're not special at all. Yet, I'm really curious about the future, the ending of anime and tv shows I watch, how long I will live if I don't ctb, etc so, I'll just stay around for now.

 

[Trisolaris]

I have no second thoughts. I know I won't get better.

 

[justagirl]

I've had chronic suicidal thoughts for over a decade. I was told at this point I likely will always have them. I don't ever have second thoughts, exactly. I know it is only a matter of time before I ctb. But there are days that it is much less urgent. And there are days where it takes every fiber of my being to stay so I can tie up loose ends so I don't fuck people over.

 

[Last chance]

I have brief second thoughts when my depression lifts a tiny but. Then it comes crashing back down and reminds me it's the right thing to do.

 

[boydiablo]

I don't get second thoughts exactly, but I do get nervous. I'm going to die no matter what and I'm set on having control over how I go. Sometimes when I start thinking about ctbing in the near future, especially impulsively, I feel the SI/fear kick in hard though. It goes away eventually but it's still unsettling — always makes me a little afraid that I'll have trouble doing it when the time actually comes

 

[justagirl]

I don't get second thoughts exactly, but I do get nervous. I'm going to die no matter what and I'm set on having control over how I go. Sometimes when I start thinking about ctbing in the near future, especially impulsively, I feel the SI/fear kick in hard though. It goes away eventually but it's still unsettling — always makes me a little afraid that I'll have trouble doing it when the time actually comes

I think this is similar to what I feel... I am afraid by following my impulses, I will harm others. If I prepare enough, and just disappear, though, I don't think it'll be a big deal. But if I were to go without the proper plan in place? It'll screw over my spouse (more difficult to prove my disappearance as death for life insurance to be sent out), the residents at my job because they'll be even shorter on the help needed to run the facility and my therapist who I really care about and don't want to have guilt over my death. I worry that the fears/guilt would prevent me from actually doing what needs to be done and like you said, my SI would kick in and I would not do enough to ensure I ctb, and instead end up hospitalized. That would be the worst case scenario for me.

 

[Rockman]

I dont have second thoughts at all. Too many reasons. But SI is still obstacle to overcome.

 

[meetapple]

I generally have a pattern of feeling suicidal and lying in bed all day. Then after a couple days I realize I have to get things done and get out of bed. Then I start to feel better for a while and regret laying in bed. Then I have to do something which requires leaving the house. I get mad about how I felt I was being treated by people and I start the cycle by lying down in protest of what I feel is unfair.

 

[Scribble Fan]

Yes, my SI gives me many second thoughts but I'm dead set on catching that bus. I mainly just ignore them.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think I've never wanted to be alive really, I've always seen death as the preferable option, certain times in my life the thoughts have been there more than others. I know that ctb is what I want, I have a fear of old age so I know I will do it sometime.