Help Safe self harm, no scars or long term damage

[Sadbanana]

Hello. I'm in a wierd situation in my life, when I don't wanna kill myself (I'm not scared of not existing at all. I'm scared of infinity, those that tries dmt will maybe understand), but also don't wanna live. Well, thats my story so lets get to the important part.

I realized that when I just stab myself with pen it doesn't feel so bad. I hate pain tbh, but when I'm in control and can stop whenever I want, it makes me feel... well in control. And maybe I'll get used to pain and me more able to cope with emotional pain of life.

It left some scars on my hand, I know my mom would really freak out if she saw, she knows I'm depressed and is scared about me, also I don't want to regret it later so it better be safe. What would you recomend?

I know it's not difficult and if I just used my brain for a sec I could probably answer my question, but interacting with people on this forum makes me feel better, so I'm gonna ask anyways

Edit: I decided to not start self harm. Thank you guys for talking some reason into me.

 

[kilowatt]

It left some scars on my hand, I know my mom would really freak out if she saw, she knows I'm depressed and is scared about me

How old are you?

Moreover I tend to believe this is not the right place to ask such questions

 

[Sadbanana]

How old are you?

Moreover I tend to believe this is not the right place to ask such questions

I'm 23, I still live with parents. And what do you mean by not right place?

I'll take it down if the question is too stupid

 

[willitpass]

"self-harm" and "safe with no chance of damage" is an oxymoron. If you are intentionally hurting yourself you are always going to have at least some risk of damage.

 

[kilowatt]

No one is going to (or shouldn't, I guess) recommend you prolonged self harm methods, I assume, hence the whole topic here is CTB and even further many individuals like to avoid pain rather than cause it to themselves. Self harm, as the term itself states, means causing damage to yourself. Any form of self harm will usually have a more or less permanent outcome.
From personal experience I have a wide history with this topic and I cannot think of any method that wouldn't involve the consequences you fear. At best, punching/hitting yourself might cause ouchy bruises for a week or two, but overdoing it or not being aware of the damage you cause and where is also risky. If you're leaning towards any form of open wounds then I suggest you reconsider since that's a nasty addiction and always leaves considerable damage.

 

[Sadbanana]

"self-harm" and "safe with no chance of damage" is an oxymoron. If you are intentionally hurting yourself you are always going to have at least some risk of damage.

It probably sounds like that meme, where the child asks ai how to get fit without exercise, fastfood included. But I do it for the pain, it helps me cope.

But I know what you mean, I kind of feel like I just want to damage this body for the sake of it, but I can't make it noticeable for others.

 

[willitpass]

It probably sounds like that meme, where the child asks ai how to get fit without exercise, fastfood included. But I do it for the pain, it helps me cope.

But I know what you mean, I kind of feel like I just want to damage this body for the sake of it, but I can't make it noticeable for others.

Best advice: stop now while you're ahead. Once you get hooked on it it will spiral out of control. It will ruin your life. If I could go back in time and do one thing it would be stopping myself from starting self harm.

 

[Sadbanana]

No one is going to (or shouldn't, I guess) recommend you prolonged self harm methods, I assume, hence the whole topic here is CTB and even further many individuals like to avoid pain rather than cause it to themselves. Self harm, as the term itself states, means causing damage to yourself. Any form of self harm will usually have a more or less permanent outcome.
From personal experience I have a wide history with this topic and I cannot think of any method that wouldn't involve the consequences you fear. At best, punching/hitting yourself might cause ouchy bruises for a week or two, but overdoing it or not being aware of the damage you cause and where is also risky. If you're leaning towards any form of open wounds then I suggest you reconsider since that's a nasty addiction and always leaves considerable damage.

Thank you. I didn't think about this that way. It really sounds nasty when you put it this way. I'll try to find other alternatives to cope.

At this point I'm kind of losing my shit, idk what I'm even doing...