Recovery is a bitch

[140 bpm]

Hey y'all beautiful souls.

I'm posting here don't know why and don't know how.
I had just kind of feeling of some kind of recovery from suicidal thoughts in like 6-7 months?

I think so.

It was feeling... better...I guess?

But it's same mouse gallow. Fuck that. Geez.

I thought that I fixed my life. Got the job, got the car, got whatever stability...?

But it turns out...it's all just a...just an illusion ? Just another trick? I'm not getting it. It feels that the spiral gonna hit harder next time and honestly I don't know how get along.

How are you dealing with this fake but sweet taste of recovery if you had it? Is it gonna kick harder afterwards?

I'm really anxious. I'm disappointed in myself...again...and I'm sorry... I'm sorry for all those black colours on that nice bright full picture...

Black is my favorite color tho. I hope you're having a better day guys. Love.

 

[Werewolf.]

Those are moments to be cherished. Even if it was just another illusion or another trick, just having those moments in your life is good. A temporary escape is still an escape. Hopefully you will have more of those moments.

 

[Sra_TZ]

I had kind of a similar experience with recovery. I genuinely felt like things were getting better. My friend would be like "see, things aren't that bad" and soon I'd find myself spiraling down the same hole again. Every relapse is worse than the previous one. No idea how long someone can keep going like this. I agree with @Werewolf though. Temporary escapes still feel good while they last.

Black has always been my favourite color xx

 

[FuneralCry]

Yeah, it certainly is painful feeling better and then that feeling goes away. It is just the nature of this life really, nothing good ever seems to last.

 

[motel rooms]

How are you dealing with this fake but sweet taste of recovery if you had it? Is it gonna kick harder afterwards?

If you're like me, yes. But maybe you're different

 

[WornOutLife]

I've had many UPS and DOWNS throughout my recovery.

I can only tell you that no matter how great you feel, recovery is a daily struggle.

For instance, I've come to the conclusion that I will always be suicidal. No matter how much love, money and friends I have.

Still, I've been doing quite well lately. Hope this lasts!!

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[Largeletters]

Part of me has completely given up on recovery... I'm sorry you are struggling.