Realization of dying soon

[DrownFeather]

your ctb is near, you sense it, your days is numbered and you realize your end will be by suicide.
You feel you are now in dreaming state and you can't say if you are still really exist or just seeing delusions, peoples talk with you and laugh then you look at them and say "is this person really here and talking to me?" You feel existence-crisis.
You are tired and exhausted, you don't want to do anything, you just think.. think.. think but still can't believe it, "will i really die soon? Is this the end? what about moments i lived and years? Was that all dream and non-existing memories and it was only in my mind?"
You now have only 24 hours to live, you are in shock and can't express what you are feeling, you only stare at wall for long hours, sitting quietly and silently, you think about death but you feel rush of adrenaline, blood is pumping and your head is pulsing, you feel FEAR

4 hours: you still can't believe it, but you feel calmness but fearful and anxious you are looking at clock and hear "tick... tack...tick... tack" you feel you want just sleep and end this nightmare, you want an exit to run away from this but you remember happiness and joyful life is not waiting you on the other side, you feel sadness but peaceful.

60 mins left: you finally can decide whether you will do it or not, maybe just stop it and feel fake hope to live again, but you can't believe that hope, you are now ready and had accepted your mortality you only waiting time and prepare for it

Execution time: numb, fearful, anxious, sad, lonely, fake hoping, real truth, hesitated, and want stop, but you are now on the edge you feel it's your final chance of peace and leaving all problems behind and be free, you do it... You free now, goodbye

Afterlife time: ?????

 

[Hans Voralberg]

I feel peace first time in my life i feel full peace about daying about this whole situation. I will left so much love at the world because of my short existence and i am so happy about it. Im only worry that my friends can CTB if i will do this but they know i am suicidal i prepared them. I feel peace. Your description is fabulous all these feelings blended in one i feel peace

 

[DrownFeather]

I feel peace first time in my life i feel full peace about daying about this whole situation. I will left so much love at the world because of my short existence and i am so happy about it. Im only worry that my friends can CTB if i will do this but they know i am suicidal i prepared them. I feel peace

Glad you feel peace, you have fought enough and you paid your dues to your loved ones and world, you can now release your self from chains, wish you a calm and peaceful trip

 

[FuneralCry]

I do hope that I feel at peace in my last moments, glad that everything is finally coming to an end. Even know I believe I will still be here for a while, it does comfort me that death will come one day and it makes life seem so temporary and meaningless in comparison. I believe there to be nothing after this, death is true peace and freedom from all suffering.

 

[Al_stargate]

Good description. When actually getting to this point ctb seems extremely difficult. Kinda like when you're having fun at the pool or beach and you think about jumping into the water from a tall point. When looking from the bottom it doesn't seem hard but when you're actually there it's incredibly difficult. Similar feelings, but a lot harder.

 

[Bedrock48]

Beautifully written, sums up a lot of the things I've been feeling recently really well.

 

[DrownFeather]

Beautifully written, sums up a lot of the things I've been feeling recently really well.

Of course it's describe what you feel exactly, because that's what I'm feeling now with the approach of my death