Seele
Sayonara
- Apr 25, 2024
- 152
It seems I have discovered something I was never meant to learn: during an intense BPD crisis, I realized that vomiting brings me a strange and dangerous sense of relief. However, I deeply fear that this will cause me even greater harm, in every possible way.
I can't understand why my BPD has intensified so much, especially considering that I am completely clean — I use nothing, no substances. Ironic, isn't it? Staying sober seems to have only made everything even more unbearable.
And worst of all, I'm afraid. Afraid that an impulse might lead me to act on CTB. I want CTB to be a free and deliberate choice, not something so tragic.
I can't understand why my BPD has intensified so much, especially considering that I am completely clean — I use nothing, no substances. Ironic, isn't it? Staying sober seems to have only made everything even more unbearable.
And worst of all, I'm afraid. Afraid that an impulse might lead me to act on CTB. I want CTB to be a free and deliberate choice, not something so tragic.