Outburst

[onthelastday]

I am attracted to death from a very early age, life has never seemed interesting to me, studying, working, having a family, what if I don't want any of this? I have no dreams, no desires or wants, I just want to disappear forever, I haven't looked at myself in a mirror or any reflection for a long time, even if I wanted all these things I would fail, I hate myself a lot and everything around me sucks , I am chained every day to see everyone evolving and me being slaughtered by my mind and the empty shell that I am

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate at a 100%.
I can't believe I'm 33.
Life goals sound just...so boring!
And the worst thing is that time keeps going by and you just get older :(

 

[noaccount]

I am glad you realize you don't want children or familial bonds - those are things people should only get into if they really want them, and I wish more people would reflect on this and not form families they don't really feel connection to, so props to you.

Is it ok to wish you freedom from self hatred? I am certain you don't deserve self-hatred, but also everything is very complicated and tangled - our self-preservation and self-degradation are often tangled up in the same acts.

Martin Buber said that in gestation we know the universe and in birth we forget it, so maybe a fascination with death is a desire to remember what we knew before we were born? Tried psychedelics at all? There are also meditative practices that involve visualizing death, or contemplation on charnal grounds.

 

[onthelastday]

I can relate at a 100%.
I can't believe I'm 33.
Life goals sound just...so boring!
And the worst thing is that time keeps going by and you just get older :(

Exactly, and I'm only 19 years old, I will do anything so that I'm not 20, I hope you can live without goals or find your own, like living traveling and having fun, enjoying different cultures and things

I am glad you realize you don't want children or familial bonds - those are things people should only get into if they really want them, and I wish more people would reflect on this and not form families they don't really feel connection to, so props to you.

Is it ok to wish you freedom from self hatred? I am certain you don't deserve self-hatred, but also everything is very complicated and tangled - our self-preservation and self-degradation are often tangled up in the same acts.

Martin Buber said that in gestation we know the universe and in birth we forget it, so maybe a fascination with death is a desire to remember what we knew before we were born? Tried psychedelics at all? There are also meditative practices that involve visualizing death, or contemplation on charnal grounds.

thank you for exposing your point of view, I never used anything psychedelic, in fact different from the people here, I didn't even have a diagnosis of depression or any disorder, I just know that I am someone who is empty and wants to leave.