I feel like I'm stuck in this never ending cycle. I feel anxious, I feel depressed, I feel angry, and it's all just spinning and spinning. Its spinning out of control and I can't get a hold of it. And I'm trying so hard to get it all under control. And when it gets too much, I either grab the bottle of pills, any pills and just take a bunch of them to stop it all from overwhelming me. Then when that isn't enough, bleeding is the next step but when nothing is enough, I let it all overwhelm me and I wish there was a way I could just not feel any of it. Just something until I die. Because I can't handle it all coming at me like that. And right now I want to...I need to just not be in this moment. I just need a break from everything. All of it.
justanotherstar
Life: you can’t fire me, I quit.
- Nov 23, 2020
- 345
I hear you. I relate so much to what your saying. I'm sorry I have no answers but I'm sending hugs your way 
elfgyoza
Cursed
- Aug 5, 2019
- 326
Sounds a lot like me, although I think my autism is to blame a little for this. I don't recognise issues as they arise so all of a sudden it's completely out of control because it's been building up for so long, and it's a cycle of being depressed and anxious, self harm or suicide attempts to cope, and back to depressed again. The only way I can think of to control it is by recognising and dealing with problems as they come up, but that's too overwhelming for me
At least you attempt to deal with it. I recognize them but bury them until my mind can no longer take it then I either have some sort of emotional breakdown and I get so overwhelming I start taking pills.
I'm sending you hugs too.I hear you. I relate so much to what your saying. I'm sorry I have no answers but I'm sending hugs your way
elfgyoza
Cursed
- Aug 5, 2019
- 326
I don't attempt to deal with it, I don't know how to recognise when it happens. I just kind of let it all overwhelm me so I can feel worse, almost like a punishment. I know how it feels though, it's horrible and it sounds like your way of coping is the pills, self harm, which is what I do too. You're not alone in this
Been there. Done that.
The best and probably only way of getting out from that eternal cycle is realizing that unless you ctb or start doing something about your life, things will only get worse and your mind will only deteriorate.
Because of this, I started from small to big steps.
For instance, I began by taking a shower and cleaning up my apartment everyday, going for walks and then some more challenging stuff such as working for an hour, then 3, then 6, etc.
If I fail to deal with life this time, the only options left will be either to ctb or end up in a psych ward for years.
The best and probably only way of getting out from that eternal cycle is realizing that unless you ctb or start doing something about your life, things will only get worse and your mind will only deteriorate.
Because of this, I started from small to big steps.
For instance, I began by taking a shower and cleaning up my apartment everyday, going for walks and then some more challenging stuff such as working for an hour, then 3, then 6, etc.
If I fail to deal with life this time, the only options left will be either to ctb or end up in a psych ward for years.
See I don't think these things work long term and I don't always have a problem getting out of bed unless it's bad bad bad but like I don't allow myself to feel it cuz I've conditioned my mind to see any emotion that's not anger as a weakness so that's a problem. And that really sucks.
I know exactly what you mean.I don't attempt to deal with it, I don't know how to recognise when it happens. I just kind of let it all overwhelm me so I can feel worse, almost like a punishment. I know how it feels though, it's horrible and it sounds like your way of coping is the pills, self harm, which is what I do too. You're not alone in this
