How do you know you would ingest the N if was sitting in front of you? If it was really that easy what is the difference between drinking something, pulling a trigger, taking a step off the ledge, etc. In isolation all these things are easy but when you know it is going to kill you that is when the SI creeps up.
Maybe I am just talking out of my ass since I am too afraid to go through with it. Maybe other people have an easier time.
Taking N is one of the most painless ways to ctb. I wouldn't do it now since I plan to live until my parents die for their sake and so it'll be easier to ctb with nothing holding me back. If I truly didn't care about them anymore I'd probably live for another year at most just to kick some things off my bucket list and then take n on my next birthday. Although I have no physical ailments like some people here I have been depressed since I was 6. Never had a friend or been in a relationship. Severe paranoia and anxiety stops me from making any irl connections. I also have terrible self-esteem and have never been happy with myself. My inner thoughts literally play against me. 24/7 negative thinking since I can remember having my first thought. All my life I've been pretty much numb, depressed, anxious, ashamed, angry, scared on repeat. There is not a single day I don't think about ctb. Even when the days aren't that bad.
Honestly fuck SI if there is sure, peaceful, and private method I can use to escape this world I never belonged in.
But that's just me.
