My solution.

[TheLastGreySky]

So for a while I've been beating up on myself and considering CTB for several different reasons, one primary reason was that I felt like I was a piece of shit, and I felt like I could obtain some inner peace by humbling myself,
I did that. But that life isn't for me.

I've come to the realization that there is no happiness outside your nature.
It's funny that the people who said they loved me and would never leave only did so when I was at my lowest. But when I didn't need anyone, everyone was at my side.
The people that I chose, were shallow and empty little brats. And no matter what I loved about them, if they ever loved me...
They would have been here now.
So ... Fuck 'em.

And I think honestly,
I have been looking at things the wrong way.
I've been trying to be something I'm not for some philosophical crusade.
And it's literally the stupidest thing I have ever done. And as for me thinking of myself as a piece of crap previously... Maybe I was,
because I did live for myself. but I was alive.

And when I was a 'bad' person, no one had the balls to tell me it to my face. And at least then I was happy because I was who I was.
You are who you choose to be at the end of the day.

And you can hate me for digressing,
But I've come to find that the only thing out there is the illusion of progress.
Everything comes back full circle in the end and you wind up back at the start.

I'm still going to be on here, but for the most part, my journey here is over.
I'm really glad that I've gained a level of empathy and worked on building emotional intelligence. Don't get it twisted guys.
But honestly, nobody... And even nobody's God ever saves you from yourself.

See you're already dead, if you don't walk your path in life. Fuck 'em. And if you fail?
Get your ass up. You're never going to heal
If you don't start taking a step forward.
And if what you're doing no longer works for you then change...
But don't ever trick yourself into thinking you're to blame for everyone else's problems.
Fuck 'em.
We live in a selfish world, and to all the people who give and provide support... thank you,
I wish I could share this dream of philanthropy, and I do really love you guys...
But you take care of everyone else and it's slowly killing you.
Who's going to catch you when you fall?

The truth is...
But I'm an outlaw.
And it's a lot of fun.
I left it behind, and tried to be a "good boy"
But honestly, from now on I'm only going to be good to those who are good to me.
And all the assholes who don't like me can CTB for all I care.

As for everyone else, if you ever need someone to talk to, if I'm free then I'll be here.

Heaven sounds as boring as a hospital waiting room, but I hope you all get to go there.
And to the real ones; see you in hell.
-The"LAST"greysky.

 

[Redacted24]

Your philosophy is awesome to read. I have, three times. It's so empowering, and right... just grab life, kick its butt and to heck with the rest.
And good on you for discarding those naysayers like roadside trash. Who needs them anyway!
Thanks for sharing this. I hope you'll post snippets more and again. They're so encouraging.
Cheers!